Well... lots of thinking and what not got me to this point now. I have done nothing with no one and will be doing nothing with no one. I thank everyone for their sound advice. It truly did help me. It ensured my future... as it stands I've worked out what was going on and it was severer case of cold feet... as it stands it looks like I"m getting married in may. Best decision for me... I should have never listened to my family members putting thoughts into my head.
So I"ve been doing research on how to make a marriage work and what to do and what not. Apparently my relationship works like a marriage already, I'm with my fiancee for a greater portion of the day and there is little separation within us, we share finances for the most part yet have our own separate accounts and what not. Currently we are like a marriage without the sex and sleeping together parts.
So I ask...What is your marriage truly like? Did you plan on what it would be like before getting married? Did your relationship change when you got married? Where you a married couple before marriage? As it stands I truly hold no secrets from my fiancee.... I freaked out essentially because I would be giving up my "freedom" to do what I like... for example have a wild sex party, or threesome, or random making out and what not.
But then I realized.... non of that is worth risking my fiancee. I chose to marry her in the end of it all because while those can be nice experiences.... it's not investing into my future. Oddly enough my fiancee told me if I ever needed to have them we could discuss them and see where it goes from there... On top of it all she told me that if I really wanted a threesome or really needed it or what ever... she would try to fulfill that fantasy for me. Hell she even said she'd have lesbian sex if that's what I desired. She's truly unique in all of this... She told me how she envisioned our marriage and it sounds like fun... completely opposite of what I envisioned or had pictured. It's actually more liberating then I had pictured.
To put it simply... she wants things in married life that I wanted from a single life. For example we have plans to "meet up" and pick each other up at a bar... XD roleplay but it can be fun. Maybe go to BDSM conventions, or infantilism meets, she told me she'll fulfill any fantasy that I have that involves just us with no real problems. These are things... I never pictured a marriage to be like.... I just pictured a marriage as an extension of our boring relationship. Always staying in, bleh blah blah. Isn't that what a traditional marriage is like? I guess she wants to be far from it... and I"m absolutely in love with that... I truly have a special woman in front of me... my worries and doubts truly blinded me to that... how many women will diaper me every single night of our marriage anyway? XD
So I ask of you... married couples or people who know married couples...was marriage "liberating" or was it something akin to a prison...death sentence of sorts?
Oh and to give you on idea of how willing she is to make me happy... she literally said "if I'm never enough for you sexually...or have desires for another woman that you need to fulfill, I could.. in the event that it's some type of physiological need" After that she told me... it's not like I want you fucking every girl... and I hope you never need anyone else but me. Just knowing she'll go to that extent to make me happy.... makes me willing to sacrifice anything for her... I was just afraid unexpected desires would... ruin my marriage but she understands that we biologically cannot be monogamous... it's not in our DNA. She won't ask me to be something I"m not... be above humanity in essence.... but honestly I"m quit happy with how things are and cannot possibly imagine ever needing anyone else then her.... aside from a thressome but that's just some fantasy that can stay like that...
So... I probably rambled to much
Whats it like to be married?