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Thread: Boyfriend - Accept it?

  1. #1

    Default Boyfriend - Accept it?

    Well hello there
    yeah I'm new, just introduced myself in a post.
    I do have a question (main reason why I made this profile).
    So I have a boyfriend for about half a year.. And he's into DL (as you might have figured since this is posted here)
    I have to say he has been honest about all of it - he told me even before we started to be together that he was into it. I told him back them I didn't know if I could accept it, and if I could how much of it I could accept. After a while he started adding more stuff (like messing and so on).
    He never tried one, although I know he wants to try them sometime. He still lives at home so he's a bit scared to try it there (with all the hiding and stuff). He did try messing though.
    In the beginning, I could accept it. I thought it was a fase, that he would get over it later. But he just kept adding stuff...
    Messing was a part I did not expect and came as a surprise (that he actually tried it, not that he would want to try it)
    I don't know what I think of it anymore. I have no clue if I can accept it, and what I can accept it. I realized yesterday that if I can't accept it, the relationship will be over in the future since he can't change how he is. I wouldn't even want to change him.
    But I do want to accept it. He still isn't sure what part it is in his life (I guess mainly because he hasn't tried one yet) so for me it's also not really clear what it will be in te future, what I have to accept.
    I think this relationship, although it just has been half a year, is pretty serious. We've been thinking about living together somewhere in the future but before that I want to know if and how I can accept it and what it will be for him.
    So my question is... has anyone ever experienced something like that? Does anybody know how he can figure out what it is for him? I already told him I do want to help him search for the place he has to pick the diapers up since he won't be able to find it himself. I also told him that if he wants to try them, I won't stop him. I just asked him to keep it to himself until he actually tried them (I didn't want to know when he would be trying them you know, that I would be waiting at home and knowing he would be trying them...). But I haven't figured out how I will be able to figure out what I can accept about it... Has anybody been in this kind of situation and has some ideas what I can do? I really really don't want to lose him, he means too much to me.
    Thanks for the help
    Xx SmashingHeadphones
    ps. I might need to say he's also into plastic and we've tried that and I'm ok with that. I don't find it as wonderful as he does, but when I see the look on his face I find it ok. I do not know if I will be able to try something like diapers or something....

  2. #2


    I think your boyfriend is asking for way too much, too soon. Even I would have a problem with the messing part. I seldom mess, but if I do, it's very personal and I keep it completely to myself. That said, how would you feel if he only wet his diaper? If so, then I think he should compromise, and give up the messing. He could always do that when he had some alone time in the house. I think you need to have and talk and be honest how you feel.

    I have never been in your position, as I have been the diaper wearer. I did have a boyfriend all through college, but I never revealed that side to him. I was too embarrassed about it. I wore at home, and eventually my mom caught me. She sent me to a psychiatrist at a residential facility. Dealing with all of this is not easy. Most of us have trouble accepting this lifestyle for ourselves. As we get older, we find ways to make it work, and eventually feel better about ourselves. But life is like that for everyone. If it's not diapers, then it's something else. In relationships, there are always compromises, and ways to make things work. You simply need to sit down and have a talk with him. I wish you the best.

  3. #3


    Well, kudos to him for coming out so soon. It takes some real guts for someone to come out to family, let alone a potential girlfriend / future spouse. Just keep this in mind; he must REALLY trust you if he came out so easily and so quickly. You mean a lot to him, just from hearing that.

    Now I have to say, I used to be into messing, but when I started getting into it, I realized that it kind of sucks...well, it actually sucks quite a bit. It stinks, it's uncomfortable, and it's too much of a hassle to clean up. But before I could wear and use as often as I can now, I used to enjoy it. Maybe he will grow out of it as did I, and as many others have.

    I find it incredible and heartfelt that you would accept the diaper thing with relative ease. You should realize that many people have been ridiculed, humiliated, and ashamed for being into something that they cannot help at all.

    And that really hurts sometimes.

    Just be really supporting all the way through this, and tell him that messing is not an option. He will most likely compromise.

    Best of luck!

  4. #4


    Hi Thanks y'all

    Yeah it was amazing that he came out that soon. I do have to say I really appreciated that - not only the feeling I could trust him too, but also the fact that after all, I already knew what I was beginning with when I first started dating him. I mean, I knew a bit about him and all of this, and I still choose to be with him. It makes it easier for me to make up my mind 'cause it shows that I really liked him and everything about him is just worth the difficulties it brings. Thinking about it afterwards, I'm also shocked he trusted me with that before. I mean, it takes a lot (I could have humiliated him, could have told everybody... that just takes some trust) to tell people about that.

    In my eyes there's not really a difference in wetting and messing - I mean in acceptation. I can understand in some point why he would want that, and I just think the same off it. What makes it difficult for me is that from one point I always do understand why people do stuff, like liking all of this, but when it comes to someone I'm close to I find it hard to understand. Really weird that is.

    Yeah you're right - there's always something you need to accept in life. I do have that too. I actually hated myself, and I couldn't see anything positive about myself. After half a year I'm happy to say I actually feel better, can at least accept myself most of the time. But that too is trying to accept stuff. I always tell him that he wasn't the only one with issues, with difficulties. We both had an will always have. He was so wonderful & supporting towards me when it came to hating myself and I want to be at least as supporting towards him with all this.

  5. #5


    You know you can trust him because he's come out, but what about accepting some of it and trying it youself?, but i think the messing needs to stop.

  6. #6


    Well I want to accept it, a lot. It would make life a lot easier.
    But the problem is that I don't know how to do that. I do accept him to think about it, but I don't know how I stand in it if he will actually wear them often. Trying them myself right now... I don't know. I know it might make him happy, so a part of me would really want to try it for him.. But I don't know, something would be holding me back..
    Though I have to say I felt that way before about plastic and I got used to that. I don't like it myself but seeing how much he likes it.. That's enough. I did feel the same way about him sucking at my breasts, but I see how much it calmes him down so I let him do that every now and then.
    He isn't messing frequently, but he tried it a few times in the past but also lately

  7. #7


    May aswell give it a shot tho huh? if you dont like it then it's your decision, if you do you do, but tell him to stop messing.

  8. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by Nightrise View Post
    May aswell give it a shot tho huh? if you dont like it then it's your decision, if you do you do, but tell him to stop messing.
    Sorry to butt in here Nightrise, but I think that's pretty poor advice. You're saying:

    a) OP should try doing something she's not comfortable with doing, and

    b) That OP should issue an ultimatum on messing. She should not be 'telling him to stop' anything, as if it is a threat. She's smart enough to know the desire will still be there whether she kicks up a fuss or not. She wants to be able to accept it, all of it. Setting a precedent where if she says 'I don't like it, you must stop now :<' her BF stops it because he's afraid of her leaving is NOT good for either of them.

    OP, what is it about this you find so hard to accept? Compared to plastic, which you have little to no problem with, what is the big thing that stops you accepting it?

  9. #9


    I think you should be commended for going to such effort in trying to make this work you certainly seem to be committed. Speaking solely from my own personal experience I remember 3 different periods in my life with regards to my diaper wearing. They are:

    1. What I thought I wanted from diapers before I could get them
    2. What I thought I wanted from diapers immediately after I started buying diapers
    3. What I now want from diapers after years of recreational wearing.

    In the first period I wanted to experience it all, I wanted to do everything and anything in diapers. It was a fantasy at the time.
    In the second period I went through a phase of trying as much as I could. Gradually learning what I did and didn't like or what was and wasn't practical.
    The 3rd and present period I now know what I want from diapers I know for me they are a part of who I am but I have also left a lot of the desires behind from the first 2 periods which I have tried and I know I no longer want do.

    I'm not sure how this relates to others on here but there definitely was a discovery period for me where I was trying a lot of things which I thought I wanted at the time but I now realize I do not like. You might find that some of the things he's trying now might not last but I certainly don't want to give you false hope here either. I mean I could chat with 50 people on here and they could all have similar but not identical desires for wearing diapers.

    One thing I'd would say with certainty though is that although his taste in what he wants from diapers may change, I would say he will most likely always have an attraction to diapers. Hope this helps :-)

  10. #10


    That's actually true. I can't ask him to stop doing it, 'cause the need to do it will still be there. i talked about him with that too a few days ago. If I can't accept it, he said he would try to not think about it. But I told him then that if he would do that, that might work for a few weeks. Heck, maybe even a few months. But if he would really want it, it would be who he is. And then trying not to think about it won't work. Then it would come in between us, or even worse, he would start doing it behind my back so I wouldn't know. I told him I didn't want to be in that kind of position, especially since we usually are pretty open to each other about stuff (like him telling me in the first place about this). That was also the main reason I wanted to find out how much I could accept. Maybe I could compromise with him if there would be problems, like he could do some of the stuff he wants, but not the things I really couldn't take.
    There are only two problems with this: he doesn't know what he wants yet and I have no clue what I can or can't accept.
    I don't know why there's this big difference between those two...
    I do have to say I'm not really comfortable with the plastic. like when he asks how it feels... I know what he wants to hear but I just can't say it. I do have a problem with it sometimes... A week ago or something he kept telling me how much he loved the plastic during doing something with it, to say it subtile, and I just felt... useless. I did talk about it with him, that it felt like he didn't even care that I was the one with him, but that he just wanted someone that would help him when he was in plastic.. He actually felt terrible I felt that way. But I guess that's one thing that is stopping me - I'm afraid that in the end I'll only be someone for him that knows about it and might help him with it... in stead of him loving me for who I am.
    I don't know if that's the thing that's keeping me from accepting it... But I have no clue what else it could be

    And yes, I've been starting to realize that too. I just don't know if I can take it when he starts trying a lot of things, or getting me involved in them... I do realize know there will always be a part of him that has to do with diapers or something like that

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