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Thread: Daddy Sex, Gender Identity, and the Need to be Loved

  1. #1

    Default Daddy Sex, Gender Identity, and the Need to be Loved

    Hello all,

    I've noticed that some (not all) of the folks into the whole AB side of things seem to be against the idea of having sex with their "daddies". I'm curious as to the reasons.

    As a "daddy", I love the idea of taking care of a little girl. There is something incredibly erotic about the daddy / baby girl relationship in that it seems to be the ultimate affirmation of male and female identity - guys get to be "old fashioned" guys and take care of their submissive female counterparts - the way it used to be.

    Unfortunately, our modern, politically correct ways have branded anyone who would dare to assert such an ideal as some sort of dominatrix, a heretic, or worse. Women are forced to take on the burdens and responsibilities of traditionally male roles in society while at the same time, men are supposed to be the dopey Homer Simpsons of the world. Is it any wonder, then, that both males and females alike long for the days when things seemed to make "sense" in our youth?

    I can particularly see this for women - deep down, every little girl wants to be taken care of by her big, strong man. She wants to be cuddled and cared for, fawned over and treated like the princess she is. It is only when that bond has been forged and the trust established, though, that a "little girl" truly in touch with her feminine self - her "baby self" - will want to be treated like the woman she is to become. For once a man has won her heart; she becomes his and will not stray - their "man/woman" relationship a symbol of their love and commitment, a physical bond to last a lifetime.

    Is this an accurate description of the reasons why some little girls don't like having "daddy sex" - but perhaps have not been able to verbalise it in such a way? Could it be that little girls not perverted by the need to satisfy her own sexual gratification or "cave" to men seeking the same thing are *actually* more in touch with their feminine side?

    Or am I just a hopeless romantic?

    - Doug

  2. #2

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    I wish there were men like you all over! I find that to be quite charming actually. Having someone take care of you so well that you trust them completely. Sounds like the perfect relationship to me.

  3. #3

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    What you describe would be half of my ideal relationship - the other half would be a switch so that I was the baby and the woman was looking after me.

    I'm sure there are plenty of other people who'd love that kind of relationship, but they might not want to have sex as part of it. Personally I find sex as part of carer & baby play a little off putting: too adult, too much like play-acting incest - those kind of reasons are more likely to be why people don't like the idea of having sex with their "daddies" rather than it troubling their gender politics.

  4. #4

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    I think I'd love to have sex enter my AB/carer type dynamic, with a male or female as long as contraception and safe sex are taken care of... But I don't long for a big strong man. Women do want to be treated as equals. And there are loads of guys that want to be cared for too, treated that way, might even be nonsexual. There vast majority of the men on this board long for the care of a mommy or daddy- it's not a gendered issue necessarily.

    I think that there are women that want this- some that are feminists and are clearly aware of what they're doing, and then those that aren't so aware of gender issues. Women aren't taking on burdens- we're doing stuff because we're human and just as able bodied as men. We should take on the responsibilities if we choose too, just as there can be husbands that are stay at home dads. And there can be women that decide they want to be housewives and the feminine ideal- or at least fulfill gender roles. It has to be a choice though, since being forced into that role is just right back where women started- never mind the fact that there's still inequality today (try being a 5'2" redheaded female artist- no one takes me seriously).

    I think any sharing of any bond with a partner, sexual or not is romantic, but I don't think that every little girl wants to be taken care of a big strong man deep down. I might be a princess, but a woman having sexuality doesn't make her any less of a woman really. I'm just as "feminine" as nonsexual women- still just as much of a woman and "little girl." I don't always fit the feminine gender role- but I'm darned girly. I still wear make up, do my hair, try to be presentable, mannered, avoid swearing, and lots of things. Sure, some of that is imposed gender roles, and I shouldn't have to do any of that- but I choose to do so.

    You said "Is it any wonder, then, that both males and females alike long for the days when things seemed to make "sense" in our youth?" Things do make sense. I imagine that you are older, so perhaps dealt with women's rights movements and changing times. The culture has just changed. Men had a privilege over women (and still do in some instances- I worry about troubles young women could end up in while walking back from the studio at night- men don't have to worry as much about other men accosting them and raping them- although it's still a possibility. It's just not something you're worried about every time you're out at night.) so, changing that privilege is good. I might not have been able to go to college had cultural norms remained the same. Women getting away from oppression doesn't change much other than the fact we have rights, are viewed as able bodied enough to open our own doors and do our own things. (That said, I do find it polite when someone opens a door for me but I'm just as likely to open a door for another woman or even a man which has led to some surprised looks I guess.) It's a really good change, if somewhat baffling since people haven't adjusted from the old way of thinking about things. It's very positive for everyone- men and women have more options. Men can be stay at home dads now when they couldn't have that bonding with their children in the past. It's just different.

    That said, there are just some people that are genuinely nonsexual, don't like the incest taboo, don't feel little when engaged, feel ashamed of their female sexuality or any number of these possibilities. None of these make the woman wrong- except shame is bad... she shouldn't feel ashamed (except in a mutually consenting bdsm type scenario).

    I do enjoy the idea of the sort of thing you described, being innocent and submissive or things having a darker layer to it sexually on top of that- but I'm also just as likely to be the three year old little that's a dominant little and boss mommy or daddy around- at least fantasy wise. I haven't gotten to actually have a mommy or daddy.

    I want to make it clear that I don't think you're a dominatrix, heretic or worse. I just think the cultural shift is difficult for you to see completely, since you grew up as a man during a different time, while I'm writing to you as a 21 year old college going feminist (we're not scary I swear! ) But it's not your fault, because it's hard to see when you're not directly as impacted by it- sure you were effected, but you were effected as a guy. I can't know what it's like to be you. But I assure you it's a really good thing- because now when a girl does submit and be little and "cave" to a guy's desires- it's because she's choosing to give you that, choosing to say "oh hey, I could be an assertive girl and call that demeaning, but hey, for me it's fun, and I'm glad my partner can share this with me and still respect me and know I've made this choice because I love them" which is sooo much better than saying "Oh.... I have to be feminine to avoid being a spinster and have to do what he says because culture says that he knows best." Maybe there are nostalgic women. But I think a lot of us are well educated, and it's a conscious choice far beyond seeking femininity and the care of a man.

    I hate to say it, but a respectful feminist male or female that could phrase their desires well and put everything as being my choice (and mean it) would probably be able to get me to try just about anything, as long as there was trust and honesty.

    I hope that makes sense. I just think that the sex is unrelated to that for some people and that it really is just a lot of other issues.

    ... Sorry for the wall of text. =s

  5. #5

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    "I can particularly see this for women - deep down, every little girl wants to be taken care of by her big, strong man. She wants to be cuddled and cared for, fawned over and treated like the princess she is. It is only when that bond has been forged and the trust established, though, that a "little girl" truly in touch with her feminine self - her "baby self" - will want to be treated like the woman she is to become. For once a man has won her heart; she becomes his and will not stray - their "man/woman" relationship a symbol of their love and commitment, a physical bond to last a lifetime."

    What about lesbians?

    I just want to let all the little girls know, "I am not the big, strong man who will sex you."

    I like the idea of exploring power relationships, but not as a relationship. I want an equal, a companion; not a slave.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by GlowingBell View Post
    I wish there were men like you all over! I find that to be quite charming actually. Having someone take care of you so well that you trust them completely. Sounds like the perfect relationship to me.
    We are out there sweetheart! Trust me, I know cause I'm one of them



    Quote Originally Posted by DougB View Post
    I've noticed that some (not all) of the folks into the whole AB side of things seem to be against the idea of having sex with their "daddies". I'm curious as to the reasons.

    As a "daddy", I love the idea of taking care of a little girl. There is something incredibly erotic about the daddy / baby girl relationship in that it seems to be the ultimate affirmation of male and female identity - guys get to be "old fashioned" guys and take care of their submissive female counterparts - the way it used to be.
    See I'm with you right up to the part where you think of the daddy/baby girl relationship as erotic. Everything except that.



    Quote Originally Posted by riddle View Post
    Personally I find sex as part of carer & baby play a little off putting: too adult, too much like play-acting incest - those kind of reasons are more likely to be why people don't like the idea of having sex with their "daddies" rather than it troubling their gender politics.
    And this is why. Although I could handle and absolutely enjoy having someone who was both my baby girl and a sexual partner (aka wife), those two roles are totally separate in my mind. I would never want to have sex during any kind of TB/AB play, I would feel as though I was violating the trust they've placed in me to care for them as they are at that time: an adorable and innocent baby girl who is only interested in your unconditional love and affection.

    If I had to put forth a theory (and I welcome others to chime in here), I would say the issue is more with role separation than anything else. If your girl is in "baby mode," she wants her daddy, not a lover and vice versa.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by adjutantreflex View Post
    If I had to put forth a theory (and I welcome others to chime in here), I would say the issue is more with role separation than anything else. If your girl is in "baby mode," she wants her daddy, not a lover and vice versa.
    This certainly, also as a sissy while not having had a meet up IRL it would put me in an interesting situation because as far as my sexual orientation goes I'm heterosexual but, if I'm assuming the role of a little girl, it would be a bit of a crisis if sexualized.

  8. #8

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    DougB, what you're talking about seems pretty natural to me.

    Touching a little on what Starbright said about feminism: people used to try and tell me that my interest in BDSM and a lot of other fetish/roleplay activities conflicted with my vision of myself as a feminist. However, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a strong woman in your daily life but wanting to be nurtured or submissive in your free time. That's what roleplay is all about, I suppose. Getting to be someone else for a while.

    As for the issue of girls being sexual with their Daddies...it's complicated. I personally have a million different sides to my personality: dominant, submissive, male, female, etc. My boyfriend is kind of the same way-- sometimes he even considers himself to be a bit of a sissy. The point I'm working up to is: There are times I enjoy sexual roleplay where incest or a vast age difference is involved. But there are other times when I'm just in the most innocent of little girl spaces, and in those instances such things would be out of place. It's like in the large list of parts I play there are two child roles , but one is for fantasy roleplay purposes and the other is the space I go to when I want to be coddled or regressed. They might appear similar superficially, but the two worlds do not collide. For this reason I can understand why people would not want to bring sexuality into their child life at all.

    I hope this wasn't totally confusing. I tried my best to explain my thoughts and experiences regarding this matter.

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