Ok, lets see. I probably wouldn't be writing on this thread but this site makes you which is actually a good thing to do even though I'm embarrassed writing this post. I haven't accepted everything myself yet and I'm extremely shy when it comes to this subject but when I'm "normal" I'm completely the opposite.
How I got into everything lets see. I always had the weird desire to want to be little from a REALLY young age, 10 or something. It was more focused around wanting to wear d things, the crinkle noise and the feel (sorry i cant say the word it makes me get embarssed to this day =x) It was more of curiosity then anything. Curiosity ended up getting the best of me and I tried a few little kid things then. I liked the feeling, but was ashamed as I still get now. Older people wearing little kid stuff how retarded and bizarre right?
I grew older, didn't think much about it. I do remember in school being the popular kid everyone thought was perfect. I would stick up for kids who were being bullied, beat other bullies up but also did my share of teasing people. Always playing games and teasing people in a fun way most of the time. Sometimes I was over the line but you don't realize when you're a kid and I regret a lot of it now. I realize now that it made me feel better. Long as we were making fun of someone else no one knew about my secret thing. I'm horrible and I'm a bad person I know. I'm grown up now and realize how rotten it was an feel horrible about a lot of it so don't bite my head off. I did apologize to some of the people I would mess with, most of them didn't remember and some welcomed the apology. I got a hard lesson in not being judgmental by having this abdl thing. Karma
When I was 18 moved out, got a bunch of little kid stuff to answer some more curiosity. Then yea you guessed it tossed it all out. I guess the worse part about it is you feel like you're two people sometimes. I want a normal life 99 percent of the time, then that 1 percent of the time I like feeling little. Sometimes I wonder if its part skitzofriena or something (probably not).
I guess the hardest part about it is its hard for people to accept you for you. I always felt like I was lieing to the people I was in relationships with. They would ask things like whats your fantasy and id make up something normal. Then that would eat at me =\ the kind of serious relationship I wanted to have I could never have because I couldn't come to the truth about myself for myself. So how the heck am I supposed to get the person I was with at the time to understand it and be cool with it. Most people online id meet on imvu or something would freak out, think I liked kids, etc all kinds of creepy stuff. Why would I want the person I love to look at me in the same light you know?
So never said anything, always felt bad, always wanted to say something to give them 100% of me and not 99 percent + a deep secret lie. The Relationship ended badly anyways and stayed single because I couldn't take lieing to someone like that. I don't think I could ever have the courage to admit it to someone I really cared about fearing rejection or them telling everyone then all the people I ever knew thinking I was a freak. I see the TV shows and things that other normal people see. Some big fat hairy trucker dude dressing like a girl wearing a wig and d things and says hes an adult baby and I just cover my face totally embarrassed that I could be associated with that. Other normal people see that so then if I was to say hey I'm into that, it makes me look like a creep.
I did meet someone local though on imvu, she pointed me here. Told me to make an account which I felt completely retarded doing. Only did it because shes really cute and really nice. Everyones got a weakness for cute girls right =p I will admit writing this makes me feel better, I never really talked to other people about it. Then I was speaking to her about it she shared so many things like I did about it that I just sat in amazement. Heres another normal person like me, enjoys actually having a normal life (most of the ppl you see think they are in fantasy baby land 247 and cant tell what reality is) lives like 20 minutes from me and enjoys the same things I do. She seems totally accepted with that part of herself which I'm still working on. Maybe she can help me get over a lot of my fears =x Then I read the binge/purge article and it described me to a tee. I thought that was odd other people had the same behaviors too.
I like being little but I like being a daddy too I can't really say what I like more. They each have their own set of feelings attached to it. I think theres nothing on this earth more adorable then an ab girl who's being all cute thats my fantasy! It makes my heart melt so much =x. Gives me feelings I cant get anywhere else and pulls on strings never pulled before. I think thats why I like doing it too I dont know. sorry for being so long. But thats everything thats brought me here and made me sort of who I am today. Ironically enough I just tossed out all my little kid things (except a few of the outfits I got on ebay) like within a week ago. Got so disgusted with myself =\ I'm going to school to be a doctor and how can I like something so abnormal =[ but Then I met her and it made me feel a lot better like it was ok to be me and normal hot people who have actual lives like I do do it too. I don't know well see what happens =x maybe in a year ill be writing something totally different and meet someone who can bring me out of my shell and help me accept me for me. =p