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Thread: ADHD and unsatisfied relationships

  1. #1

    Question ADHD and unsatisfied relationships

    When I was in 2nd grade (7 or so) I was diagnosed with ADHD after my teachers in elementary school noticed I was having problems in school. They had me on various drugs, including Clonidine and Ritalin; the former made me sleepy, and the later made me really anger prone. I attended counseling for problems related to my ADHD as well. Eventually it seemed as though I had "grown out of" it despite causing me hell in terms of a social life.

    After having a 0-60 experience in terms of friends and significant other's in high school I met my current gf (I'm 21 now) and was with her through the majority of high school and for the first 2 years of college. Fall of my junior year of college I met another girl and long story short my opinion of love really changed though I'm still not sure if it's for the better or not.

    Though the part of that story relevant to this topic is this, I had to really fight for her and fought through a lot of pain and hardship to be able to call her mine. Though oddly enough the second I "got" her so to speak I lost interest in having her as my g/f. In the sense of full disclosure I told her that, she was really upset, and I told her I wanted to go back to my ex.

    At this point my ex had no reason whatsoever to want me back, I'd ditched her for another woman but, again I fought and did everything I could to get her to go back with me. Again my hard work paid off but, same story... the second I got her back I felt like I was already bored with it.

    I also struggle with codependency problems and for those not familiar with it, it's basically a desire to "rescue" people and typically this means doing everything in your power which includes, lying, cheating, deceiving, lashing out in anger, pleading, and doing whatever you can to get the other person "saved".

    I've struggled for a long time with what makes me feel this way and treat people like this. Though relationships are the focus of this topic it also extends to non-interpersonal desires as well. I'll frequently start projects and not finish them becoming quickly bored with them and annoyed that they don't provide the satisfaction I had hoped for.

    One night the discussion of the autism spectrum and ADHD came up on the IRC channel and I recalled how I was originally diagnosed with this problem when I was younger and the thought that it might be connected to my current problems with satisfaction in relationships and projects.

    What do you think? Have I just not found the "right person"? Am I drunk on idealism for a happy life? or am I just an inconsiderate asshole who can't appreciate what he has and be grateful?

  2. #2


    Hi there,
    Unlike yourself, I had the pleasure of waiting until midlife before my diagnosis.
    Another long story short- I made some really career limiting statements (translated: I totally went off on my bitch-of-a-boss, to the point I got sarcastic - some would say insubordinate) resulting in my seeing a psychiatrist. The nice lady listened to me tell her about me (well, an hours' worth anyway), pronounced me clinically depressed, prescribed anti-depressants and sent me to a counselor. After many hour long sessions, it was the counselor who made the tentative diagnosis of ADHD. We covered my childhood, school, parents, college (all six years, with a 2-year enforced "sabbatical" after the second year), my marriage, career(s, all of them: farmer, teacher, mill-worker, environmentalist, graphic artist, web developer- and those are just the highlights), moods, anger issues ( !!uhm, BIG anger!!), gender issues (another story) and lots of other stuff...
    Argh...I'm doing it again...this was going to be short.
    Basically, you need to find a counselor who specializes in ADHD. Not autism- nor it's many spectrum aliases, not learning disorders, or behavior, or-or-or...Find someone who can diagnose ADHD, can either prescribe proper medication or refer you to a doctor who can. A good counselor can make a world of difference, if you have ADHD they'll confirm and provide diagnosis, if you don't, chances are they are plugged into a therapist that specializes in whatever it is.
    A diagnosis at 2nd grade is pretty young, you could be ADHD, autistic (kind of doubtful), auspergers, learning disorder...any number of things.
    From what you said in your post, I think you need to have this checked out now. Do not wait until midlife, a wrecked marriage (or 2, or 3). No one here or anywhere else on the web can diagnose takes a pro. Go get one.

    In the meantime, you're welcome to more of my free advice. Worth every penny you spent

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