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Thread: What would you do if your girlfriend/fiancee gave you a free pass?

  1. #1

    Default What would you do if your girlfriend/fiancee gave you a free pass?

    Long story short came back from DC wondering what it might be to have another girl... kiss another woman. I've only ever had one.... obviously these wonders where resonating with my fiancee and I talked to her about my concerns. i'm open like that... I love her and don't want to hurt her and told her that I'm incredibly happy with her. I could see myself living with her for the rest of my life quite easily... but you always get that curious itch...ya know? So my fiancee essentially said to scratch it.... She told me no sex or anything below the waist. And only chose one woman... don't go around cheating... I'm like 0_o and she also told me to just keep it to myself and never speak to her about it again. So I'm stuck in the middle of doing it and not... I honestly think I'll do it... the problem is... with who? Who is going to makeout with an engaged guy? The thing is I want someone I have a crush on... someone that I could potentially have a relationship with. I want to screw with my emotions and test them so badly that I'll be fucked up.

    I feel like I need to do this... problem is I have no one to do it with... well only one person... my friend E from DC... she's in PR and I only have a month to do it... the thing is her and me... I mean she literally said to me. That she would kiss me but she has her own little mess right now. (She cheated on her BF big time in DC and what not) The thing is she's ideal to kiss... I trust her and well she knows my situation... I know if I do ask her she'll probably say yes...

    Ugh this is all very confusing.... shit is I know I want my fiancee.... I don't want to hurt her and I do love her...but she's all I've known... and the tough of dumping her physically sickens me.... but having this ok... to just check it out... I mean she said it's better this happens now... then turn into a full on affair where sex is involved during marriage... So yeah... advice and well what would you do in this situation? you're not obligated to tell... ya know? what would you do?

  2. #2

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    It sounds to me like you are too immature, or not committed enough to engage in marriage. Marriage should be a total commitment to your mate. When I was so very in love with this guy when I was in college, I could have had a fantastic time with another kid who was quite beautiful. He was coming on to me. I refused, because, quite frankly, I was in love with someone who I would have died for.

    As a married man, I would never consider cheating on my wife. I love her, so why would I want to hurt her? Don't kid yourself. Your fiance is probably really pissed off at you. Either you are faithful, or you aren't. I think you really need to think this through. I don't mean to be harsh, but this is how I honestly feel.

  3. #3

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    I was cheated on during my marriage and It hurt terribly, I myself am a committed partner but if I felt the desire to cheat on my spouse, I would just go home and make love to my spouse. Then she's happy, I'm happy No problems, worst case scenario you could just use your imagination close your eyes and picture who you want. I know this sounds immoral but it's still better than cheating. Keep in mind everyone has fantasies we just have to chose which one are practical to enact and which ones aren't. I hope you make the right decision, I'm sure you know what to do

  4. #4

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    Bear in mind a free pass can also be a test. I imagine if you don't turn around and tell her that you don't want to take her up on the pass, it'll eat her alive.

    Regardless of how open she is, I find it very unlikely she will be able to cope with the thought that her fiancee went out to find another woman to kiss.

    I'm sure 99% of married men fantasise about other women they find attractive, it's natural to go against monogamy. But, marriage is a commitment - you can't just quit on it...

  5. #5

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    Keep in mind the source here. Christian, ministerial studies, and admittedly extremely biased, however the replies here do not take into account that some relationships are open. I was cheated on myself and can honestly say that even though incited by a woman intent on seducing me I never considered cheating on my ex nor could I be in an open relationship. I simply place too much emphasis on the one woman in my life to have room for any others, however that is not to say that everyone holds that view, nor will they consider adding partners to deplete from the sanctity of marriage.

    This is something you will have to work out on your own. If you came to me for counsel, I would answer based upon my view of marriage and my faith, however the question you should ask is, "What does marriage mean to her?" If you are now confused, good because in a me driven relationship I hate to break it to you but marriage doesn't have a snowballs impact in hell to do with what you want. If you cannot put your wants aside and focus on her needs in the relationship, then you are not ready for it.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    It sounds to me like you are too immature, or not committed enough to engage in marriage. Marriage should be a total commitment to your mate. When I was so very in love with this guy when I was in college, I could have had a fantastic time with another kid who was quite beautiful. He was coming on to me. I refused, because, quite frankly, I was in love with someone who I would have died for.

    As a married man, I would never consider cheating on my wife. I love her, so why would I want to hurt her? Don't kid yourself. Your fiance is probably really pissed off at you. Either you are faithful, or you aren't. I think you really need to think this through. I don't mean to be harsh, but this is how I honestly feel.
    I know what marriage is... I'm not married yet I wouldn't dream of cheating on my wife when I'm married. It's just not something to do... that's the shit... I have a free pass to explore that last possibility to say I didn't kiss that one woman. My relationship isn't normal. I have never had this experience of dating around or whatever. I've only ever had one woman in my life. One kiss on person... So how can I know she's the one when I've never had another taste.... but at the same fucking time I know that I love her and don't want to betray her and that she brought up the pass. I was just expressing concern about what was going in my mind. I can use this pass and not tell her ever. She told me she doesn't want to know... So It's something that I can do or chose not to do and she won't know. She just gave me an option. So how can that be a test.... I've been committed to her for 5 years, I love her and she's everything that I want.... I just don't understand this sudden urge to make sure she's the one... I'm going fucking insane... I know what it means to be married but sometimes your heart and desires don't concord with your logic and brain.... It's all fucked up honestly...

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by dragsnick View Post
    I can use this pass and not tell her ever. She told me she doesn't want to know... So It's something that I can do or chose not to do and she won't know. She just gave me an option. So how can that be a test....
    In my opinion, she's offering the pass because she thinks the marriage won't survive unless you get it out of your system. That's why she doesn't want to know - she doesn't want you to do it.So it can be a test because she really wants you to say no - but would rather try and cope with you kissing someone else and attempt to save the marriage.The thing is, by taking the pass you are just telling her she doesn't mean enough to you that you will deal with your fantasy without acting on it.Just my opinion, I dont know the ins and outs of the relationship. Just I personally think it's a bad idea to kiss another woman - and likely to end your relationship from her not being able to deal with it.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by eeyore View Post
    In my opinion, she's offering the pass because she thinks the marriage won't survive unless you get it out of your system.
    This is pretty much it. I hate to say this dude, but you have probably really hurt her feelings. This is also why I think getting married as young as 20 is a generally bad idea. No real advice sorry, but I'm damn glad I never married at 20.

  9. #9

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    Well I guess everyone is in agreement... thanks for the advice....
    Last edited by dragsnick; 28-Aug-2011 at 17:25.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by dragsnick View Post
    I know what marriage is... I'm not married yet I wouldn't dream of cheating on my wife when I'm married. It's just not something to do... that's the shit... I have a free pass to explore that last possibility to say I didn't kiss that one woman. My relationship isn't normal. I have never had this experience of dating around or whatever. I've only ever had one woman in my life. One kiss on person... So how can I know she's the one when I've never had another taste.... but at the same fucking time I know that I love her and don't want to betray her and that she brought up the pass. I was just expressing concern about what was going in my mind. I can use this pass and not tell her ever. She told me she doesn't want to know... So It's something that I can do or chose not to do and she won't know. She just gave me an option. So how can that be a test.... I've been committed to her for 5 years, I love her and she's everything that I want.... I just don't understand this sudden urge to make sure she's the one... I'm going fucking insane... I know what it means to be married but sometimes your heart and desires don't concord with your logic and brain.... It's all fucked up honestly...
    I suppose it's better to get it out of your system now. I certainly didn't want to sound harsh, as I consider you a friend on this site. As you probably know, I dated a girl very seriously when I was in high school. She broke up with me my Freshman year in college. I had wanted to explore the other side anyway, and so I was with this one guy all four years of college. Because it was a guy, I never felt totally committed and I fell in love with three other boys. During my Sophomore year in college there was a Freshman who used to come into my room on campus and basically rape me. He was young and cute, good looking, and so I was more than happy to let it happen. Finally I graduated, worked as a teacher for a year, moved to Ohio and met the woman who would become my wife and be the mother of my children.

    So I guess what I'm saying is that I had a number of sexual and loving relationships, thus it's hard for me to put myself in your shoes. You should know what others are like, and perhaps, that should have happened before you became serious with your fiance. That said, I had a good friend who married his junior high sweetheart, and they had a beautiful relationship and married life together. As a side note, sadly he died of cancer when he was 25, so you never know how much time you have to experience the things which are truly important in life. I suspect that knowing someone else is important in your life, and perhaps you need to find out that mystery. As a word of great advise, never tell your future wife. She really doesn't want to know. Hugs!

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