I thought i would share what has happened to me over the last 5 months.
I have loved diapers since i was 5 and my earliest thoughts of diapers go back as far as 2-3 years of age.
This has been a part of me for so long i would have thought that it is an easy process........
My wife celebrated her birthday and as another gift i told her i would take her camping.
Unfortunately i had a terrible case of diarrhea and i wanted to cancel the trip altogether until i realized this was a great opportunity to try and incorporate my life-long fantasy of being able to were a diaper as this was definitely required because toilets were quite a distance from our tent.
We ended up going camping and purchased Tena pull-ups at a supermarket along with all the camping supplies.
Once we arrived my wife encouraged me to use them and go in them if needed but i must admit i really wasn't ready to deal with clean ups so i used them as a urinal as i drank alot of fluids.
The instant i put on the garment(my special word for diaper),i had the most powerful erection of my life that must have lasted at least 8 or more hours.
I couldn't sleep i was so fulfilled and happy not that my wife doesn't satisfy me as well,but not to this extent.
At the fire i admitted that i love these garments so much that i would like to wear them more often and she had absolutely no problem with it.
This was like a dream come true to me as my wife and girlfriend of 11 years made this decision in an instant and has since stuck by it through the shakiest 5 months of my life.
We made rules though because i didn't want this to get out of hand due to it being so comfortable and pleasurable.
Unfortunately paranoia crept it every day since and i suffered incredible anxiety with panic attacks and a terrible bout of manic depression.
This was the trigger but not the cause in my opinion....
I spent hours researching this fetish and must admit i really do not like the reputation the ABDL community has.
A Google search shows horror stories of people with a diaper fetish doing things that made me cry for days.
You see my self esteem was so low the last thing i should have been doing was researching as it obliviously made my condition worse.
I had rapid cycling so bad i had four seasons in a day and it wasn't until i turned to God and Omega 3 that i started feeling better.
I went to a GP twice and was given anxiey and depression meds which did not take away the incredibly negative thought process my mind had imprisoned me with....
Things like people will think im a pedophile or a psycho because i love diapers.
This country is incredibly hard on people that are different, yet i have always loved that about myself and my mind was so bad i cried every day until gradually it went away,which was weird because i have not cried in 7 years since this year.
I went to a psychologist who didn't see anything wrong with me wearing them but my own mind was so confused that her opinion didn't help much.
You do not know me but i am a very sensitive good person who would give the shirt off my back to help somebody.
I also come from a good home with loving parents so its not that anything truly bad had happened to me either.
However i have always had anxiety and was highly strung being unable to really relax and be at peace.
I was anemic as a child and was victim to some emotional abuse by cruel kids at the school i attended and have had panic attacks in the past.
Last year my eyelids twitched alot and i suffered from a leaking problem(if you know what i mean.) and i seem to think that my condition started to surface before this incident as for the last 5 months has resembled either Bipolar of an overactive thyroid.
I will not know until September 14 as i will be going for a series of tests,but i still reckon that initial erection definitely caused a chemical imbalance and the only drugs i have every used in my life are cigarettes and the odd beer or 2 along with coffee and love
The wait is unbearable and it may seem that the diapers are bad for me but through this time i have done the most incredible things.
I have helped everybody i know by doing good deeds and started to paint a dream i had when i was 5 about these garments.
Its probably the best painting i have ever done and people can see a far more positive and contributing citizen.
I spend way more time with my wife and we really are alot closer then we were but i still feel guilty about this because i had no idea how much my body yearned for these garments.
I really do not want diapers to allow me to feel guilty(which it never has when i thought about it in the past)and have the most loving and open minded wife in the world.
I do need to be disciplined though as i recently got hold of tena flex diapers and i consider them to be my favorite,but im still new to this....
I have tried others and there are many Chinese supermarkets which stock the plastic backed diapers(diaper paradise) but i feel to ashamed to have them crinkle in the presence of my wife.
I also feel bad wearing them without her knowing i have never been more open and honest with her in all my life.
I have been going to pharmacies and buying them with a meal replacement drink to throw them off as it is embarrassing to buy diapers.
The ironic thing is i am moderately incontinent(before i drank water), as i never drank water due to the bland taste and my job does not always allow access to toilets so i used to dehydrate a hell of alot.
Now im suppose to drink 6 glasses a day which make diapers even more a necessity as i leak after i have gone to the bathroom.
I really would love your support and opinions on this as diagnosing yourself is very difficult.
Over the months i did the binge and purge cycle but it only made matters worse as this has been ingrained into me as long as i have lived.
I need acceptance and peace but its hard when you feel all alone on this and society is so harsh on people with this fetish( Which i think is the wrong word since i had this before i knew what sex was).
I would also like to be a father one day so this is a challenging time for me turning 30 very soon.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and may God bless all of you who have gone through anything similar as this was the hardest thing that i have ever had to deal with.
Regards SouthAfrican DL.