This is my first post to the board and is kind of similar to the DL Wife post a few weeks ago. However, I decided it was sufficiently different to warrent a new thread.
My wife and I have been struggling with the diaper thing ever since I told her (before we got married, nearly ten years ago now). I know spouses / girlfriends complain of lying etc. but I think it is important to remember that the subject is VERY hard for us to talk about and we're not able to communicate as effectively as normal. Telling my wife (the first person I ever told) was the hardest thing I have ever done - I procrastinated so much during the two-hour conversation, she honestly thought I was going to tell her that I had been abducted by aliens!
We are not in a good place with this right now, it is honestly ripping our marriage apart. I fantasize about her involvement but she is really not interested. When she has participated in the past, it is with such indifference that it completely turns me off and so I tell her not to bother and then we end up arguing.
We have been to therapists many times over the years and really nothing has helped much. One of the issues that I am now struggling with is whether my activities can be considered sexually compulsive. In the past my wife has attended meetings for the partners of sex addicts. This made me very uncomfortable but she seemed to gain something from it. I didn't like her being with a group of people who's partners were addicted to porn or had multiple sexual partners - but perhaps I am those people? But the point is, if my bahavior is sexually compulsive rather than a fun deviation then do I need treatment?
Our sex life in non-existent now but in the past she has let me wear a diaper before sex and has even diapered me on occasion, but was never really into it. But we don't have very good sex without diapers and so I think she feels the diapers are more important to me than she is. We have 10 years of marriage and three kids so divorce is really not an option, but we have to do something. I get very crabby and depressed at the prospect of giving up diapers, even though I know this will be almost impossible. One option is to just keep it to myself and just go sleep in the spare room once a week, or whatever. But I am very sad about the possability that my wife will never be involved - it will be like going back to when I was younger, when nobody else knew and it really was something I just did on my own. I want to be able to share it with my wife but it all goes back to my earlier question - if I am just a sex addict then really should I not be working on curing myself?