The back story is here http://www.adisc.org/forum/off-topic...-gunpoint.html
I just had a meal with my former President. He paid for the damages to my car, apologized, and wept, and I wept with him. Even with everything that happened I still called him friend, albeit an acknowledged strained friendship, and hugged as we departed.
He told me that he didn't know where we stood, but that I was to be considered a friend of the Club and that he would like to return my colors to me and consider me honorably retired.
I consider myself to be an intelligent person. I know a little bit about the psychology of the situation. I definitely know that it is an unhealthy relationship. But I also Know that I miss them.
Once upon a time I knew that I had a place in this world no matter what else happened. I knew that I had a group of people and a home base that I could retreat to when no one else cared or was available. I cannot describe it; I have a blood family that is strong and supportive, A Church family that welcomes me there and into their homes, and friends that I care for, but there is this connection that I had with a group of; tough, course, intolerant, guys that may just slap you as soon as give you directions if you were lost that I miss deeply.
It must sound alien, but seeing a man who wouldn't shed a tear in public if he got shot weep and hug another man of the same caliber forges a connection that in many cases is deeper than they have with a wife or child.
I would feel stupid going to my family or friends and saying something so illogical, so utterly insane and stupid as this.
I miss my brothers and part of me wants to step back into that world.