More and more recently, my confusion about my gender identity has gotten worse, to the point where I am so damn miserable I am really unsure of what to do.
Ever since I was small, I've never really fitted into a typical female gender image. OK, I wore dresses/skirts, had friends who were girls and otherwise led the life of a typical girl, but I never felt any real sense of attachment to those things, never found them to be something I 'chose' to do but something I was expected to do for being biologically female.
As I got older, this only seemed to get worse. I gravitated more and more towards a 'butch' attitude and frame of mind and found myself increasingly attracted to being more and more masculine. Indeed, I felt it to be more 'true' to who I was supposed to be really. I was happiest among men, doing masculine things.
More and more recently, and I have begun to really detest all the female things about myself, and see myself as a guy. I've begun crossdressing, and right from the start when I got into ABDL stuff, my baby self is a 1yr old baby boy. I seem to be more able to relax this way, and I can actually go out the house without hating everything about myself this way.
I don't know what I should even do and it's making me more and more miserable. I don't feel able to talk about it with anyone in my family/friends (I know for a fact that some of my more religious/conservative friends would likely disown me).