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Thread: having trouble accepting your AB,DL,TB, or baby fur side

  1. #1

    Default having trouble accepting your AB,DL,TB, or baby fur side

    not sure if I'm posting this in the correct forum but i got to get this off my chest.

    I just seen clips of a adult baby, baby Stanley it was for a show that was on nat geo channel a few days ago and the reason given in the clip for him being AB was a bad child hood and psychologists said its a mental disorder of sorts i forget the term they used but this has really upset me.

    my memory is not the best but i no i had a loving child hood and i had a few traumatic events happen such as at age 4 waking up mid operation but this clip i seen upset me because i can't except being AB as a mental disorder do's any one else feel the same way wether you are AB,DL,TB, or baby fur????

  2. #2

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    I wouldn't worry about it. This is not well known or researched enough for anyone to say what the cause is. Like you, my childhood fell well within the bounds of normal with no strange traumas. I don't really know why I'm this way. I can trace the path of it as it developed but I don't see that a cause is all that important. Some of us think it was caused by some single traumatic event, some by things that were ongoing, some don't know, and some can't imagine that anyone wouldn't be keen on diapers in the first place. I think what we do with it is more important than how we got here.

  3. #3

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    The only reason they claim it is a "mental disorder" is because under DSM-IV it is considered to be a "paraphilia". But, I think this is a bit outdated or misconstrued. You can not be diagnosed with a so-called "paraphilia" unless it causes some level of distress or harm on yourself or others. So while ABDLism can be diagnosed as a mental disorder it's only if it causes distress/harm; which I believe anything that causes you distress or harm is mentally worrying.

    In the DSM-V there is actually a distinction made between what is a "paraphilia" and what is a "paraphilic disorder". The latter of which causing distress and harm, the former just being what is considered as such:



    "recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors generally involving:
    Non-human objects
    The suffering or humiliation of oneself or one's partner
    Children
    Non-consenting persons
    So while a psychiatrist/psychologist could ascertain you have a paraphilia; a paraphilia is not a mental disorder and requires no psychiatric intervention or worry unless it is causing the distress or harm.

    I think that could clarify things.

    Personally, the way of thinking that involves any fetish at all is odd, but I wouldn't really say it is a disorder. I guess I would consider it eccentric, and it is caused by something "mental". I don't think any one thing leads to any fetish, but there are some theories as to how fetishes may start or may actually exist (some of which are interesting). I am still looking for the papers on them, can't seem to find them. But I have heard many different theories.

  4. #4

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    Yes, the classification of AB/DL as a mental condition bothers me to no end. In my humble opinion, 'mental illness' is such a misused term and it stigmatizes every human being that doesn't fit into a (very small) box labeled "normal". That's the reason I changed my career course during college. I wanted to help people, not push them into boxes and reccomend pills to shove down their gullets.

    I think that the only reason Nat Geo decided to call infantilism a 'condition' is because people might have gotten their knickers in a twist had they used the word 'fetish' and because paraphilias are still in the DSM.

    Some people might be AB/DL's because of childhood trauma, but a lot of them had no real trauma in their lives, so we can't go out and say "This is what causes people to want to wear diapers." There's also the whole conundrum surrounding the facts that most paraphilias don't interefere with a person's mental health and personal well-being and the fact that most (if not all) people have a sexual interest that strays from the norm. The opinions on fetishes are really mixed, but a majority of professionals say that it's okay as long as it doesn't take over your life or involve non-consenting individuals or extreme violence.

    You can see the list of paraphilias to be included in the DSM-V here, if you're interested.

  5. #5

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    I had a pretty good childhood, so I don't think that caused anything for me. Heck, I remember wanting diapers even as a young kid, so it's kinda always just been there.

    As for being called a disorder, I'm not sure how I feel about that. If you look at a disorder as being something that is not normal (disorder = out of order, order = status quo), then I guess AB/DL is a disorder in the loosest sence. However, that would also mean that everyone has a disorder of some sort, and that a disorder isn't so much a disability as it's just the thing that makes you different. I know alot of people will disagree with that outlook, and that it likely does not fall within the medical definitions, but that's just one way that I look at it sometimes.

    AB/DL is a bit wierd, but that's not a bad thing. Everyone is a bit weird, and if that wasn't true, we would all be the same.

  6. #6

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    This is my 2 cents on it:

    It seems that anything that remotely pushes traditional sexuality or having to relate to new perceptions on sex in western culture is very taboo at first, and slowly, ever so slowly gains acceptance. You can blame it on ignorance in society, traditional religion, or centuries of social tradition, in any case it seems to be the trend. There were times when the following were taboo because they were believed to induce impure sexually related thoughts: women wearing pants, not showing any skin above the ankles and nothing below the neckline. Wearing shorts were taboo because they showed too much skin as well. The examples go on and on and on. How about homosexuality? That was considered an illness (some still consider it an illness) and has only recently begun to gain acceptance because of its push against traditional sexuality. There are non-sexual things that were considered taboo or evil as well, being left handed is one of them that pops into my mind readily. It is interesting to note that as a society many believe that all perceived mental conditions, taboos, and social inconsistencies can be made to conform to their own perceived societal standards.

    Basically what it comes down to I think is that in western culture things that are not 100 percent fully understood or push the boundary of currently considered traditional sexuality can (and will) be classified as an illness, mental disturbance, or simply wrong in many cases.

    Where does this leave the AB/TB/DL/Our community as a whole in the situation? Its a community that isn't fully understood/accepted. So therefore it is taboo in our western culture, and many can and will consider it a mental issue despite the fact that these AB/DL lifestyles don't harm anyone. Many get sexual pleasure from these activities and that is why it receives the classification that it does. It makes me wonder if there were no sexual pleasure derived from participating in the AB/DL activites if there would be so much concern about it. If there weren't any reported sexual gratification instances in the AB/DL world would it simply be considered a hobby???

    If the AB/DL lifestyle is classified as being a mental disturbance based upon the sexual gratification association why shouldn't other things be considered a disturbance as well? How about people that are aroused by lingerie? Is that a disorder? How about those that prefer intimate encounters with their partners in bed? Should the association between sexual gratification and bed be considered a mental issue? How about people that become aroused from seeing their partner in tighter fitting clothing? I mean how does (and should) one determine what is a mental disorder? What is truly sexually normal? So many things that share similarities (mainly sexual gratification) with the AB/DL lifestyle could easily be considered disorders by the same logic used to classify AB/DL as a disorder.

    Accept who you are. What you do is not harming yourself or anyone. How is that a disorder? Sure many are going to find your choices odd, but you would probably find the sexual preferences and choices of someone else odd too. If your neighbor came up to you and told you that they preferred cotton lingerie to silk lingerie before an intimate encounter you'd probably be weirded out, just as they'd feel uncomfortable if you told them you prefer diapers or baby fur. Everyone is going to find each others' preferences odd and embarrassing.

    It is difficult to accept something that is considered socially normal, but you can take solace in the fact that there isn't any harm that comes from your actions. I repeat, you are not hurting anyone or anything. I know it is difficult to accept who you are (I had a hard time with it, as well as many others), but trust me it is better once you do. Thankfully there is a community here that understands what you are going through as many of us have already been there, and many of us are right where you are now coming to terms with who we are.

    It is fine to enjoy your lifestyle, and embrace the person that you are.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobie View Post
    The only reason they claim it is a "mental disorder" is because under DSM-IV it is considered to be a "paraphilia".
    Kind of, but not really. The connection is ancillary at best. Essentially, it's mentioned in passing as a method of practicing BDSM.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by LilRetroBoy View Post
    I just seen clips of a adult baby, baby Stanley it was for a show that was on nat geo channel a few days ago and the reason given in the clip for him being AB was a bad child hood and psychologists said its a mental disorder of sorts i forget the term they used but this has really upset me.
    Don't worry. I had a conversation around that with my last therapist, and even read the DSM-IV about it. It's only associated with a disorder, if it or something connected to it causes substantial [something to do with mental anquish] ... I can't remember the words exactly (though what Lobie said sounds like it) but essentially if it screws with your life, and I'm not talking about fully indulging, but like "distress" about it or because of it or whatever, then and only then is it grounds for a disorder, or more correctly a disorder that includes distress from different things, not ABDL exclusively. I wish I could quote it for you, but the point is, don't worry about it.

    In his case it wasn't even the ABDL issue that was causing him distress, it was the other psychological issues, and therefor not actually the ABDL thing that was part of the mental disorder. Essentially it was his coping mechanism yes, but it was a symptom of the actual disorder, not the actual disorder itself. He was diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic-stress-disorder), not anything to do with his infantilism.

  9. #9

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    i would love to hear some theories as to what starts a person on the TB/AB/DL/babybur fetish if you ever come across any

    Quote Originally Posted by Lobie View Post
    The only reason they claim it is a "mental disorder" is because under DSM-IV it is considered to be a "paraphilia". But, I think this is a bit outdated or misconstrued. You can not be diagnosed with a so-called "paraphilia" unless it causes some level of distress or harm on yourself or others. So while ABDLism can be diagnosed as a mental disorder it's only if it causes distress/harm; which I believe anything that causes you distress or harm is mentally worrying.

    In the DSM-V there is actually a distinction made between what is a "paraphilia" and what is a "paraphilic disorder". The latter of which causing distress and harm, the former just being what is considered as such:



    So while a psychiatrist/psychologist could ascertain you have a paraphilia; a paraphilia is not a mental disorder and requires no psychiatric intervention or worry unless it is causing the distress or harm.

    I think that could clarify things.

    Personally, the way of thinking that involves any fetish at all is odd, but I wouldn't really say it is a disorder. I guess I would consider it eccentric, and it is caused by something "mental". I don't think any one thing leads to any fetish, but there are some theories as to how fetishes may start or may actually exist (some of which are interesting). I am still looking for the papers on them, can't seem to find them. But I have heard many different theories.


    ---------- Post added at 22:35 ---------- Previous post was at 22:10 ----------

    thanks since i posted that post about the clips i seen i have told my sister about it and shes just happy for me that i get enjoyment from being AB she dos not fully understand it all but lets be honest do any of us no what got us to like diapers to this day

    that said i found the repeat of baby stanly's story on nat geo and recorded it on sky+ my mums face and tone of voice was of utter disgust that i wanted to learn more about this odd thing that she knows nothing about that is enough for me to no to never let her in to my AB world wich is hard as a 21 year old living in family home

    Quote Originally Posted by BabyKat View Post
    Don't worry. I had a conversation around that with my last therapist, and even read the DSM-IV about it. It's only associated with a disorder, if it or something connected to it causes substantial [something to do with mental anquish] ... I can't remember the words exactly (though what Lobie said sounds like it) but essentially if it screws with your life, and I'm not talking about fully indulging, but like "distress" about it or because of it or whatever, then and only then is it grounds for a disorder, or more correctly a disorder that includes distress from different things, not ABDL exclusively. I wish I could quote it for you, but the point is, don't worry about it.

    In his case it wasn't even the ABDL issue that was causing him distress, it was the other psychological issues, and therefor not actually the ABDL thing that was part of the mental disorder. Essentially it was his coping mechanism yes, but it was a symptom of the actual disorder, not the actual disorder itself. He was diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic-stress-disorder), not anything to do with his infantilism.

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