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Thread: maintaining a relationship with a non ab/dl girlfirend help

  1. #1

    Default maintaining a relationship with a non ab/dl girlfirend help

    I just came out of the diaper closet for the first time. I told my wonderful gf of over a year about by fetish. I was growing depressed because I just couldnt tell her and i knew i had to. I'm planning to propose next year which she cant wait for it , she wants me to just do it already lol. She could tell i was unhappy and finally last weekend I finally came out n told her.
    I was so scared since I had lost a previous relationship because of it. I gave her all the usual information out there n she has been very understanding. My question is how to make it work long term. I have this fear that some how in the future it will not work out because of this.
    Since telling her she has been very accepting but is having a hard time wraping her head around it. She had me put one on the next day, and said I was still was sexually attractive to her but she had a hard time with the fact that i actually use them. SHe kind of freaked out the day after that. I could tell it was bothering her. so we kept talking and she said she could not stop thinking about it etc. SHe decided the only way to help her was for her to see them more. Then the following night she told me to put one on and as i got it out, she jumped out of bed and put it on me. SHe said it was alot easier then the first time but its still something she doesnt understand and what not.
    I was just wondering if anyone is in a relationship with a non ab/dl and has made it work and for any advice or tips about it , sorry for the long story.

  2. #2


    Talking and lots of it. Then if you really want to make it work you have to realize that she is a flesh and blood woman and she will have non abdl needs. You need to be able to satisfy those needs.

    As much as I think it's about me, it is just as much about her too.

  3. #3


    Kudos for your courage to take that step with your gf. She seems to be trying to get her mind around it. The fact that she wanted to diaper you shows she is in fact trying. It is none of my business but I assume you are sleeping together if she was willing to do that. That is something a lot of places suggest for incontinent, but active people. Prove that you are still sexually capable so that that does not come into question when she thinks about marrying you.

    One thing I have done for my fiance, is I told her it will not affect us. She didnt know I wore diapers until I told her. I said, nothing has to change. Only in the bedroom will it ever matter and she is accepting of that.

    Your gf needs to know that she is important to you, the most important and that if she is uncomfortable with the fetish she does not have to participate in it, just accept you for you and allow you to be what you are. You have tons of resources available to her for explaining your desires, but she may never choose to understand. She loves you clearly but the perfect image of you has been skewed. As she comes to accept you or leaves you she will learn more about herself.

    It is VERY good that you and she had this conversation and whatever comes, you have our support

    For myself, I couldn't hardly breath the night I told her. I though for sure she would leave me. She knows I need them, but not that I like them. And really that is inconsequential to our relationship. When she told me, "You're stuck with me whether you like it or not." I almost died of happiness. I hope you can have that same happiness soon.

  4. #4


    You sound like you have an amazing gf, and I truly envy you for it. It sounds like she's honestly trying as hard as she possibly can to understand and come to terms with your fetish, and maybe even get involved in it. Just that is more than can be said about alot of people. Just be sure she understands that you don't need for this to be an issue if she can't accept it-- you can always keep diapers to yourself.

  5. #5


    I am no relationship guru, especially being as how I simply do no want or have that kind of relationship with anyone. Maybe there's something to be said for a bird's eye view/outsider perspective on things, maybe not.

    In any event my advice, and advice I've heard Dan Savage also give, is that you talk to her about what she's into as well. Could be she's not really into anything, but that seems more unusual than having some sort of fetish. Even if she's not into a "fetish" there has to be something she enjoys in particular. Basically while looking for her to do for you, even if it's just acceptance, make sure you also do for her. Seems to me relationships, even when just friendships which I do have, are all about give and take and you just need to make sure you give as well as you take.

  6. #6


    Thanks a lot everyone for the help . Thus far were still doing good . I definitely am taking care of her needs before mine and taking it slow. We keep talking and talking and it definitely helps.
    She has told me to wear whenever I want , but I still have to wear boxers sometimes and that I shouldn't wear one if I wanna have sex after, because its still too soon for her to Ho from me in a diaper right to sex. So we have been waiting till after sex to put on the diaper . This all pleases me very much. She says she wants me to b able to relax and b me which is awesome. She legitimately seems to realize that they are part of who I am n wants me to be comfortable around her n wear them cuz there who I am . She even mention trying one out just to see how it feels . She says shell never get it but since it makes me happy its fine by her . She is also at a point where she wont let me diaper myself n wants to do it for me because apparently it looks weird wen I do it by myself .. only tension point for her still is the fact I go to the bathroom in them

  7. #7


    Sounds good, just keep up the communication while the topic is still fresh. Explain to her all of your desires so that there isn't any surprises down the road. If she continues to be happy to help you get dressed, then detail how you'd like it done, i.e. powder and lotion and such. If perhaps you have a liking for some of the other trappings of the AB world, like babyish clothes or a paci or some toys, let her know now. Explain how you'd like to be treated when you're all padded up, what activities you'd like to do.

    As for using your diapers for thier intended purpose, you may be limited to just going wee, as going number 2 will be a tough sell if that is your thing.

    If it is your thing then I'm sure at some point she'll be away from home to visit friends or family and you can indulge that aspect then.

  8. #8


    Wow, that sounds like some progress. That she wants to diaper you is such a sweet gesture on her part. I think you two are going to be fine if after all this she is still with you. Congratulations and keep us posted

  9. #9


    Hi Everybody! I'm the girlfriend that this post is about. I wanted to thank you baby for what you wrote, it was dead on. I wanted to thank everyone for their input and suggestions. I'm doing my very best to make it work.. the only way I know how to do that is to be around it as much as a I can. I'm not ready for the 'sexual' aspect of it yet.. but I let him wear it when he wants and I help put it on him. I told him that I don't want him to ask me for permission when he can wear it, I want him to wear it when he wants because I know this is what makes him happy. Although this is what makes him happy, I still want regular nites with boxers on because I think he's so sexy with them on, and that's what makes me happy! As someone said, we both have needs and both of our needs must be met to stay happy and make this all work. I just ordered a book online that I started reading to help me understand what people go through mentally and physically.. trying to hide this secret and then once they tell someone, they are afraid people will leave them because they won't be accepted... Real love is loving someone for who they are... no matter what. Thank you everyone! I hope to be engaged soon! I love you baby with all my heart... always <3

  10. #10


    I have been married now for 4 years and have lived with my now wife for 11 years. It was very tough letting her know my feelings about diapers but i explained how it enhanced my sexual attraction to her and that i got really turned on when wearing it. I totally agree it is a two way street. Whenever she knows I am wearing one ( I do still sneak one secretly occasionally), i ensure I take care of her first. I know she still doesn't "get it" and does have a hard time, especially if she can smell it (#1 only), but we get through it and have made it work. I did have her try them, more for that time of the month for her (which has worked on and off for the past 4 years), than using to pee in (she wouldn't now, but did try once or twice on my request). The key here is to go at each others pace and not push to hard, too fast. If you take small steps, a little experimenting making it sexual for both to share in the experience, and you may both discover new and unrealized desires. It can be a lot of fun as long as you keep it fun. Best of luck in your partnership together.

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