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Thread: DL wife, need some advice please!

  1. #1

    Default DL wife, need some advice please!

    My husband told me about a year ago that he is a DL. Originally he told me that he simply liked to wear them every once in awhile at night, a few months later, after I asked him many questions about it and even wore one myself to try and understand, he told me that he likes to urinate in them. Even later after that it was things like how its hot when I wear them and that he is turned on by it. This all comes up after months of lying to me about it after I ask him, then outta know where he tells the truth. I have had my faults with this in the past and even now I guess it kinda gets me because I look at him as such a "manly man" and to switch from that viewpoint to suddenly seeing him in diapers is very difficult for me... plus I didn't even know this existed until he told me, and I also don't want it to HAVE to be a part of our sex life in order for him to be aroused. Honestly for me I guess I don't mind wearing them so much because it turns him on and I end up getting that "extra" attention, which is cool, but when he does it it just makes me feel like... Geez I have already got three kids that I am with ALL day long (I am a stay at home mom) I don't need another when it comes to the bedroom I guess. Anyone have some ideas on how you or your spouse "came around" to this?

  2. #2


    Me and my gf live together and have a doughter. Before we move in together i told her about my diaper fetish. I too beat around the bush a little about my exact details of using diapers but after about a month she knew everything. It sounds like you have been vary accepting of it which is good. I too have the manly man personna but it is nice at time to step back for a min put on a diaper and relax. It doesn't change who i am. As far as in the bedroom my gf wears for me ocassionally i wear diaper most nights but we don't always include them in our sex life. I still get turned on by her in some sexy underwear or naked it doesn't matter. The diapers are more of a once in awhile accessory we include.

    Not sure if this really answers your questions. But i can see where your comming from.

    Do you not like that he likes/uses diapers? Or do you just think he does it too much?

    Sent from my Nexus One using Tapatalk

  3. #3


    Honestly he doesn't use them that much. The thing is since he told me he would buy a pack and wear them MAYBE twice and then throw the whole pack away and say he was never going to do it again, this has happened probably 4 times or so in the last year. I realize that isn't a lot, but it is a waste. I am the only person he has told (that he was in a relationship with at least and he has told a few people since me) but I feel like its a big waste of money. I have gotten angry with him about this before, but mostly because he kept lying to me about things after I asked him a hundred times and because he kept going back and forth. Yes, I am still somewhat weirded out about him wearing them just because I think of diaper as a baby and I already have an 8 month old that I am changing diapers on everyday the last thing I want to do is go to bed and change my man. I am the type of person who wants a more dominating male, expecially in the bedroom and sometimes this seems to overtake our sex life, he would rather watch diaper porn then have sex with me because he doesn't come clean so I can help him with it so we can both be more satisfied. I think in a lot of ways he is ashamed of it and I do my best to show him that its okay, even if I have my own hold ups in my head, I don't want to stop him from doing what makes him feel happy or safe. I just want him to trust me and the more he acts disgusted about it the worse it gets for me too. I think right now we are both figuring it out, what exactly it is that he likes with this, I even went so far as to suggest an "age play" weekend for him were I was his "Mommy" and such, which we did. I got a bit annoyed and wanted my man back BAD by the end of it but I think it helped him a bit. I just wanna be able to accept him and this fetish completely, its just honestly not something I expected and its hard to get used to.

  4. #4


    It's definately a difficult topic. My girlfriend (5+ year relationship) knew about it even before we got together, but back then even I was still very confused about this part of me. At first she only knew I liked wearing them , and this was pretty much the only thing I was certain of. I honestly didn't know if it was really a sexual thing for me. Exaggregating a bit, I could probably fetishize most things if I just tried hard enough, so masturbating about the though of wearing a diaper or masturbating in a diaper was not a dead giveaway to me that I am into the sexual side of this fetish. It's also a bit of a letdown actually, because my selfimage then just didn't fit the thought that I might be 'perverted' enough to be turned on by something that isn't too normal, much like you might struggle to combine this different side of your husband with the more masculine image you have of him. So when he was not telling you about the usage or fetish side of his diaper wearing it might not have actually been a lie, maybe he was just uncertain himself until he could sort it out in his head and listen a bit more closely to his own feelings when he was in a calmer state of mind after telling you this very big secret of his.

    The second question about the inclusion of the sexual side of diapers into your marriage is very hard to tackle for me, because I haven't really found a way that makes both of us happy in our relationship, either. If he is a bit like me, he'll have no big problem to have a non-diaper-related sexlife. He might however find it increasingly difficult to lead such a 'normal' sex life if he has to stay away from diapers completely, as it might be constantly on his mind during certain times throughout the year if he can't 'let it out' once in a while.
    And if my partner wouldn't want me to share this side of myself with her, I'd also constantly think unhappy thoughts about it (and I do from time to time, because as I said we still haven't figured out how intense this side of our relationship should become, me being on the 'I'm open and want to try everything you want to try'-side, and she being a bit reluctant and grossed out (well, understandably so) about this whole thing).

    There is still a place for his manly side in the bedroom, though, and if you talk it out you might find an arrangement that works good for both of you. As many of us like both sides, i.e. caretaker and the one being taken care of, maybe you will find some aspects you can tolerate more easily and explore only them with your husband. And if this side of him has a chance to be lived, his more manly side should have a much easier time coming back during the right time, too.

  5. #5


    Yeah I have noticed that to a degree in the past. When he first told me about it I had been asking him for weeks what was up, why was he so crabby??? Finally, he told me (very hesitantly) that he enjoyed wearing diapers. After we talked for awhile and I asked my questions (since I had never heard of it before) I said okay lets go get some, and trying to understand him better I told him I would wear one too, which I did. After that he was much more calm and relaxed. I can usually tell when he starts "feeling the urge" again because he gets much crabbier in general. I have been as supportive as I can I go on informational sites on the web such as this and to understand it all a bit better since it was something I had never heard of before and like I said in my previous post I have also helped him try other things (the AB part) even tho he didn't think he was really into it, I think he liked it for a every now and again thing. I am really trying hard to almost indulge it so he can know that its okay to get to know this side of himself better, and like I have said before I have had my slip ups but I always try and be supportive of him. A few months after he told me about his diaper fetish he told me he had another one that was worse then the diaper one (which at the time scared the u know what outta me) and then he told me he likes to be spanked and to give spankings. The weird thing is I got no problem spanking him at all (usually it is undiapered except for once) I guess I just don't understand how I can be okay with spanking him and even recieving them (sometimes!!! I am not into pain really) and I can even be pretty okay with wearing the diapers MYSELF but I just have a hard time when he does... It sucks!

  6. #6


    What you need to do is go to a garage sale and find an old wooden cutting board with a handle on it. Those work great as spanking paddles. Also as kind of an really indirect method of beginning to appreciate diapers, you both need to wear diapers and watch a long, exciting movie; drink pop, and not get up to go to the bathroom during the entire feature (I would recommend the 6hr version of DUNE, but it's not THAT exciting till the end). It's a long shot, but if it works you both will be very much more comfortable with the whole idea.

  7. #7


    Quote Originally Posted by musicandlyrics View Post
    Honestly he doesn't use them that much. The thing is since he told me he would buy a pack and wear them MAYBE twice and then throw the whole pack away and say he was never going to do it again, this has happened probably 4 times or so in the last year.
    As you've no doubt figured out by hanging around here, binge/purge cycles and self loathing are pretty common with this fetish/hobby/lifestyle. If you don't make it too hard for him, he may get over the purging eventually.

    Quote Originally Posted by musicandlyrics View Post
    I think right now we are both figuring it out, what exactly it is that he likes with this, I even went so far as to suggest an "age play" weekend for him were I was his "Mommy" and such, which we did. I got a bit annoyed and wanted my man back BAD by the end of it but I think it helped him a bit. I just wanna be able to accept him and this fetish completely, its just honestly not something I expected and its hard to get used to.
    Good for you trying to be adventurous. I think you hit the nail on the head with the "figuring out" comment. That's one of the reasons I've never told my wife (of 30 years) about it. I'm close to the extreme DL end of the DL ------------>AB spectrum so I don't have any fantasies about being changed or changing someone else, and I haven't been able to think of any ways that it (diapers) could be reasonably integrated into our sex life, so there wasn't any compelling reason to tell. I really enjoyed breastfeeding the few times she let me try it after Junior was born, but she's always had problems with benign tumors and associated surgeries, so the girls have been pretty much off limits for any kind of erotic activity. It might be nice to wear a little more openly around the house, or sleep in diapers more often when she's around, but other than that there isn't a lot of upside to letting her in on the secret, and a whole lot of potential downside. She's not that adventurous, and especially since menopause started, emotional reactions to anything can be bizarre and unpredictable. So as long as I have enough privacy to indulge once or twice a week due to our differing schedules, I'm inclined to leave things as they are rather than go through the upheaval involved in fessing up. She doesn't much care for or participate in my sports activities either, so there you go.

    FWIW, on the manly man subject, if you knew me IRL, you would probably be more surprised to find I'm a DL than you were by your husband's admission. Everyone has their kinks. He's still the same guy, except for the quirk. The fooling around looking for ways to do diapers and you at the same time is just that. Fooling around with a new toy. Unless the two of you find something in it that turns you both on, or you give him incessant grief about it, it will probably go back to him wearing and using now and again, and fooling around with you separately.

  8. #8


    Having this fetish really sorta sucks but in a way I wouldn't trade it for something else, I mean it's who I am. Every year of my life, since I was maybe 6ish, I've had issues where I was attracted to diapers and have no blinking idea why. I believe it was some sort of plea for extra attention when I was younger which caused this, who really knows,lol. I've done the same thing with throwing diapers away after only using 1 just to get rid of this curse. But, who am I kidding, I grew up with this urge and it IS ingrained in my head. There is no way I can let go at 23 years of age. I just hope my future girlfriend out there is as hopefully open-minded as you are about these things. Truly this side of me is a curse, but more of a blessing. Peace!!

  9. #9


    It's a sign of love and trust that he told you. So many couples don't enjoy this level of intimacy. Having a little one at home in diapers and dealing with this relatively new information about your 'manly man' must seem a bit overwhelming when you think about it. It's awesome that you are open to engaging in his world, one where he must certainly have felt conflicted for years. To answer your question, I think as long as you take it slow it will turn out to be a chance to increase your bond.

  10. #10


    I don't know musicandlyrics...just 'off-the-cuff'...
    my impression is that your level of articulation is a fair bit more than "manly man"...and I don't intend that as a put-down of him...

    yet, logistically your...we'll call it acceptance, and your participation, and even doing the 'homework'...sure you have an investment in this relationship/family...still it amazes me that you're seemingly otherwise doing so well with this...

    however (and hopefully I can make a good point here)...

    ...The "binge-and-purge" you've just seen mentioned above...isn't limited to purchasing/caching items...and, then throwing them all out...

    nor to only the 'I am this way...I love it' to 'I'm not this way...anymore...I quit'...

    trouble with the coming example...unless you're hanging out with say Alzheimer's patients alone...

    it's not so easy to 'purge' the truth once that gets out there...from one's own doing...
    (you may successfully use 'smoke-and-mirrors' to get out of rumors, or to deflect suspicions) *individual results may vary* now he may feel (consciously or otherwise) the need to expand, or intensify this mode of operation to attempt to reconcile this truth-telling... (which normally I may advocate unsolicited truth-telling in committed relations...
    IDK, up to each to find one's own path... Yet, reading MAXX's story of 30+ years it looks alright to me in this context...

    ironically you may find going back to "not-knowing" that he may reach you in your needs/desires too...

    There's exploring, and there is exacerbation (the latter being the part where you add gasoline to a fire)

    Talk with him about role-playing, that he didn't tell don't know
    Or, otherwise allow him time to figure out what this is for himself...then to figure out how himself and this business goes with you...remember to give yourself these considerations too.

    Perhaps this is an 'onion' with allot of layers...I wouldn't just bite into, or peel too quickly...lest ye be left with tears and pungent odors.

    If I were to give advice...and I'm not...merely hoping to provoke thought, and perhaps compassion...patience...

    I would say continue gathering info, thoughts, and understanding...
    Continue compassion, kindness, and hope...
    ...but maybe resist playing along...particularly, if you have no genuine interest in diapers for yourself...


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