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Thread: My S.O. seems a little TOO cool with it...

  1. #1

    Default My S.O. seems a little TOO cool with it...

    I recently revealed to my boyfriend of 4+ years my fetish. While I'm ecstatic that he's nonchalant about it, I guess I still behave as I did when it was a secret. He has now offered to pick up my orders from the desk (I live in an apartment complex), and even seems like he would be fine with opening them and putting them away. I realize that this is a dream come true for many people here, but I don't feel that way. I'd prefer that, for now, my fetish and what I do with it remains my business.

    Sorry for the long intro, but this is my distilled question to y'all: How do you manage coming out to an S.O. who may be a bit more open to it than you planned?

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  3. #3

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    Kinda, but not really. I've so far shut him down in regards to anything to do with it outside of him knowing. For example, I've got a package waiting in the head office of my place, but I insist to him that I go get it on my own. He knows exactly what it is, and he doesn't care, but I can't NOT be secretive about it for some reason. It's habit I guess...

    ---------- Post added at 22:49 ---------- Previous post was at 22:46 ----------

    To be clear: I'm totally fine with him getting more comfortable with it, I'm just not sure how to build up that kind of relationship. Do I just start wearing around him? I know he wouldn't care but I still feel like I'd be mortified to be seen in diapers by anyone else, even if they knew I liked them beforehand.

  4. #4

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    I realize that this is a dream come true for many people here, but I don't feel that way. I'd prefer that, for now, my fetish and what I do with it remains my business.
    I've never told anyone who wasn't already into "the scene", and this is kind of the reason. When I was living at home... I knew for an almost certain fact that my parents would be completely accepting of it. Even knowing that, I would have felt _really_ weird "playing" and having them know. They would have been the type to casually discuss it occasionally... and it would have actually been me that would be awkward and uncomfortable with it (with my own fetish!). I'm thinking maybe this could be the reason for your feelings?

    I guess the question to ask yourself would be "why did you tell him in the first place". I don't mean that in a snide way, but more of a "what is it you wanted to get out of it". Was it guilt from keeping a secret from someone you love? That is, if the guilt wasn't there would you have had an interest in telling him, and if so, why (or why not)?

    Again, disclaimer about never having been through this, so this is purely "outsider advice" and I suspect there are much better answers coming... but maybe you were just mentally prepared for it to go bad... and need time to accept that it went well and let your mind adjust to what that means/how it changes things?



    Have you tried telling him how you feel about his openness?
    STOP BEING SO DAMN ACCEPTING!!!

    Ok, I know I shouldn't joke, but that was the first thought that went through my head. Probably good advice, though if it were me I'd want to take some time to get my own thoughts together.

  5. #5

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    I don't get it? He loves ya and thats part of who you are, don;t make it bigger than it is.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by honker View Post
    I don't get it? He loves ya and thats part of who you are, don;t make it bigger than it is.
    I'm not trying to, I'm just trying to take this at my own pace. I figured that he would be cool with it, but I didn't think he'd be all of the sudden ready to be so accommodating. Things are just happening faster than I expected, so I guess it just freaks me out a little. I know I should just take it and run with it, but, after being so secretive for so many years, it's just kind of weird having it be so "normal."

  7. #7
    BabyJayk

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    Quote Originally Posted by billythemountain View Post
    I'm not trying to, I'm just trying to take this at my own pace. I figured that he would be cool with it, but I didn't think he'd be all of the sudden ready to be so accommodating. Things are just happening faster than I expected, so I guess it just freaks me out a little. I know I should just take it and run with it, but, after being so secretive for so many years, it's just kind of weird having it be so "normal."
    So in order to avoid making myself look like an idiot I would like to know one thing prior to making a comment. What exactly DO you want him to do? I mean you obviously don't want him to be "not" cool with it. At the same time you don't seem to want him to be intimately involved with your diapers. So I am rather confused.

  8. #8

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    I am not sure I completely understand, and yet I guess I do....

    I understand the need to be secretive. My SO knows I wear diapers (though she does not know I am a DL), but my family does not and I do not see why they should as it only affects me and the person who shares my bed. Even though, as someone stated, my parents would probably be accepting.

    It sounds to me like this guy really cares deeply for you. One of the things people try to do in successful relationships is embrace the interests of the other person even if you do not share the same interest because it deepens the relationship. An example is feigning interest in football with your best friend because it is important to him and therefore worth you spending the time to sit and watch the nfl draft with him and some of the big games. This is a sacrifice people male for the people they care about. Your SO is doing the same because it seems to me that you are the sum of your parts and whatever those parts are that make you who you are, they are worth having to him, so he wants to be accommodating.

    What I think scares you, and please correct me if I am wrong, isn't just his acceptance of this part of your life, but his willingness to enter into your life which can feel both invasive and scary, but something you ultimately want with a SO, especially if marriage might be in the picture. It sounds to me he wants to be a part of your life, every part, and therefore will treat with normalcy even this "strange" lifestyle because it is you.

    Having lost relationships because of people being unwilling to accept me as me, I can feel nothing but admiration for this guy and slight jealousy of your situation to be that open. I just think you need to think about what is really bothering you and then assess it.

    Just my two cents

  9. #9

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    it sounds like you dont want to share this side of you with him yet. You feel that its your own personal world and youd find it weird and awkward if he tried to join you, right? im just guessing here.. if anything else. be COMPLETELY honest with him about this, that way both of you will have some kind of understanding

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by BabyJayk View Post
    So in order to avoid making myself look like an idiot I would like to know one thing prior to making a comment. What exactly DO you want him to do? I mean you obviously don't want him to be "not" cool with it. At the same time you don't seem to want him to be intimately involved with your diapers. So I am rather confused.
    For now I just want him to know about it and not ask too many questions.

    ---------- Post added at 16:29 ---------- Previous post was at 16:19 ----------



    Quote Originally Posted by irataliw View Post

    What I think scares you, and please correct me if I am wrong, isn't just his acceptance of this part of your life, but his willingness to enter into your life which can feel both invasive and scary, but something you ultimately want with a SO, especially if marriage might be in the picture. It sounds to me he wants to be a part of your life, every part, and therefore will treat with normalcy even this "strange" lifestyle because it is you.

    Having lost relationships because of people being unwilling to accept me as me, I can feel nothing but admiration for this guy and slight jealousy of your situation to be that open. I just think you need to think about what is really bothering you and then assess it.

    Just my two cents
    That's an interesting take, and I feel it must be partly true. I guess it boils down to plain embarrassment still. It might take a while to get to the point where I still don't feel the need to hide it so much. Hopefully that will come with time. Or maybe I'll just say screw it and surprise him some day and see his reaction.

    ---------- Post added at 16:37 ---------- Previous post was at 16:29 ----------



    Quote Originally Posted by KaydeeRoo View Post
    it sounds like you dont want to share this side of you with him yet. You feel that its your own personal world and youd find it weird and awkward if he tried to join you, right?
    Well, I don't really mind him knowing, I've told everyone that I've been in a long term relationship with, but this is the first time I'm living with the person I'm with, so that's what presented the challenge. The main reason I said anything in the first place is because I didn't want to have to explain why I was getting random packages, the contents of which I did not want him to see. And yes, it would be very awkward if he tried to join me. We do other things and my DL'ism is something that I definitely enjoy more in private.

    ---------- Post added 23-07-2011 at 13:21 ---------- Previous post was 22-07-2011 at 16:37 ----------

    UPDATE: So my bf went to his weekly MtG tourney last night. I took the time to have some fun. About an hour after he got back, he asks me about the suppositories in the bathroom. My stupid self had left them sitting on the counter, right next to our bottle of lube. So he knows exactly what I was doing. Of course, like with everything else so far, he didn't care. Do I have the best boyfriend or what? I'm still a little weary of wearing around him, but now it's just a matter of time until I get my nerve up. Apparently he won't care.

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