and that about sums it up.rite now i am sitting in my living room with my tv on to drown out noise from outside,my front door is about 12 feet from a main road on campus.
some days i just feel like a alien in this world,i dont have alot in common with my family,i can count my close friends on one hand with afew fingers to spare.i never had good relationships with people around me but i try.
part of it is that i have alienated myself from alot of people.as some on here know,i am a recovering drug addict and part of the recovering thing is that i cut ties with anyone i used with aka anyone i was close to sence i was 14.useing has left a deep void in my life both mentally and spiritually.
every day it is nothing short of a chalange to get thru it with out fucking up,verbally attacking someone in traffic,picking a fight with that guy that looked my way,keeping cool watching people a care about kill themselfs slowly with alcohol and dope.
and get thru the day with out wanting to stick a reer rifle to the roof of my mouth and hit the trigger with a stick.
i dont have alot in common with most people i know,we were raised different,grew up different and took very different paths in life because they went to collage and got jobs,i dident.
if i ask them what a rose tube or a ticket or a stopsign is they wont know what they are. they wont guss crackpipe acid hit and 8mg suboxone.
but fuck i try.i try to be a better person,i try to manage my emotions,i try to be a normal person.
the ones that dont know me dont see the progress i have made,all they see is a hopeless strungout punk! and fuck i cant blame them,i see that too
as i am typeing the closest thing to the guy i loved is downing his 18th beer for the nite.he has been doing this for 5 months now,ever sence his parents kicked him out for drinking,his friends did the same so now he is with a much older guy that dosent mind buying all the booze for "rough trade".i have seen it afew times now.
people i care about doing the same fucking thing i did in life,i know what will happen.its like watching a train wreck every day knowing i cant do anything to help.
guss thats my life rant for the day,fuck it.