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Thread: Having a difficult time accepting transgendered people

  1. #1
    Dolphins2011

    Default Having a difficult time accepting transgendered people

    As many of you may know, I made some critical remarks on transpeople representing in the ABDL community in the following thread:

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/adult-bab...nother-tv.html

    Well, I thought hard about my opinions, and I realized that I may have some negative feelings towards transgendered individuals.

    Before I go any further, I want to say I don't hate transpeople. I don't wish anything bad upon them, and I only hope the best for them. I think they should have the same rights and freedom as everyone else. They are people who deserve the right to pursue life, liberty, and happiness.

    By "negative feelings" I just mean I think I would have a difficult time accepting a transperson as a friend. I don't think I could look at a transperson and see them as "just another person". The transgendered thing would just stick out at me.

    I think the thing that really bugs me is that they commit to their lifestyle 24/7. I'm not talking about the person who likes to dress up outside their gender every now and then. I'm talking about the person who literally gets surgery to alter their body. As a comparison, I wear diapers, but I only wear a few times a week at most. I would not want to be incontinent or give up using the toilet forever. Full time would be excessive.

    I'm trying to look at the issue from their point of view. I could imagine the positive aspects of living life as a woman (getting all dolled up, feeling pretty, etc.). Hell, if I could trade my penis for a vagina for a day, I might just try it out of curiosity. But to make a full on commitment seems overly perverted and bizarre to me. I for one love my penis, and I would never want to give it up permanently. If I had to choose between my penis and an arm, I would have a difficult time deciding.

    I'm assuming that most transpeople are male to female (I don't think I have ever met a female to male), and whenever I meet one I just get grossed out. A "woman" with obvious features of a man with a deep voice, I can't help but feel disgusted. It feels very out of place.

    One reason I could feel this way is due to my lack of experience with homosexuals/transgendered. There are no homosexuals, let alone transpeople, in my immediate family. I've had some gay friends, but I didn't know they were gay until they told me. With transpeople though, it's like they have it constantly stamped on their forehead. I can forget the fact that someone is gay; I have a harder time forgetting that someone is transgendered.

    The reason I'm posting this is to hopefully learn to accept transgendered people. They are people just like everyone else and I feel guilty holding this stereotype. The only other real stereotype I hold true is against obese people, but that's a whole different issue, one I don't want to tackle right now.

    I don't know, maybe I just need to pull my own head out of my ass and grow up and accept different people. What do you guys think?

  2. #2

    Default

    Well I can totally relate to you.

    Im kinda the same way...Seeing someone who wants to change their gender permanently...
    I generally just ignore it and dont give it too much thought
    I guess you can somewhat relate it to people who like to wear diapers and want to be incont. I wouldnt want it, and cant fathem why anyone else would either

    I guess its just a huge case of "to each his own"

  3. #3

    Default

    Hi, Dolphins2011 and Orcaway. Maybe this will help you to better understand. Imagine that when you wake up tomorrow, you find that you have been transformed into a female, with a very feminine appearance. Inside, you know that you are not really a woman. Inside, you are still the man you have always been, but to society, you are now a woman. Would you not feel totally out of place, even in your own body? You would now be transgendered. Would you try to fit into society as a female? Could you give up what what you knew you were inside, could you stop thinking and being a man. Would you dress as, and adopt the stereotypical mannerisms that society expects women to have? Would you want to 'get all dolled up' and 'feel pretty'? Or would you still feel like a man, and try to present yourself as a man? Would you still want to behave as, and be treated as the man that you know, deep down inside, you really are? If you did decide to still present yourself as a man, would the people you interact with be disgusted by a "man" with obvious features of a woman, a softer, higher pitched voice? You would probably not like it, but those in the world around you would treat you differently. They would treat you as the woman you appeared to be, not as the man that you knew you really were inside. In this imaginary scenario, I would hope that those who love you would not abandon you. I would hope that your family would support you, and that people could accept you as a friend.

  4. #4

    Default

    I don't see a problem with transgendered people. The real problem is when people started separating things into specif genders. Examples are theses:
    1. Pink is for girls
    2. My Little Pony is for girls
    3. Blue is for boys
    4. GI Joe is for boys
    5. girls must throw baseball's underhanded
    6. boys must throw baseballs overhand
    7. only girls can like The Babysitters Club
    8. women belong in the kitchen AKA (Bitch get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich! a popular internet meme)
    and so on.

    But alas these aren't even the worst. There have been and still are some professions that women or men can rarely if ever work together in.
    1. Only men can be "lumberjacks"
    2. Only women can work or be a daycare center owner.
    3. Only men can work construction or demolition (the kind without explosives)
    and these are only 3 so far, there are others.

    Whenever a person of the oppiste gender tries these things. Their likely called or thought to be homosexual, gay among other things. It's that stuff that's bullshit, the thinking that one task can only be done or used by one gender.

    Just as how people are trained to think diapers are uncomfortable, disgusting, only for babies or people on their death beds. People are also trained and conditioned to think in gender stereotype. That's where the problems are.

    Also to the TC. I hope your not writing this to appease any people who were critical to you, bending to their will and desires. But if your writing this because you genuinely feel you've been unfair to any transsexuals, then I hope you find the responses helpful.
    Last edited by Fire2box; 21-Jul-2011 at 04:27.

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Fire2box View Post
    I don't see a problem with transgendered people. The real problem is when people started separating things into specif genders. Examples are theses:
    1. Pink is for girls
    2. My Little Pony is for girls
    3. Blue is for boys
    4. GI Joe is for boys
    5. girls must throw baseball's underhanded
    6. boys must throw baseballs overhand
    7. only girls can like The Babysitters Club
    and so on.

    But alas these aren't even the worst. There have been and still are some professions that women or men can rarely if ever work together in.
    1. Only men can be "lumberjacks"
    2. Only women can work or be a daycare center owner.
    3. Only men can work construction or demolition (the kind without explosives)
    and these are only 3 so far, there are others.

    Whenever a person of the oppiste gender tries these things. Their likely called or thought to be homosexual, gay among other things. It's that stuff that's bullshit, the thinking that one task or one toy can only be done or used by one gender.

    Just as how people are trained to think diapers are uncomfortable, disgusting, only for babies or people on their death beds. People are also trained and conditioned to think in gender stereotype. That's where the problems are.
    I could not agree more. Thanks for the reply, Fire2box.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Dolphins2011 View Post
    I don't know, maybe I just need to pull my own head out of my ass and grow up and accept different people.
    I don't want to be too harsh, but I'm afraid this is the only solution, yes.

    You're a TB/DL. You have an uncommon sexual preference that a lot of people think is weird and/or sick. It doesn't matter if you do it only once in a while, that doesn't change the general stance on stuff like this. Of all people, we should be open-minded and accepting towards other people who have a comparable problem, because we know what it is like to be considered a pervert.

    So yeah, you might want to 'grow up' (don't abandon your little side, though! =P) and accept different people. Not doing to would be very hypocritical.

  7. #7

    Default

    Well, I have to agree with you. I still have trouble accepting myself! Still, I'm coming around.

    I've had a rough time with transgenderism. I had a huge crush on one in freshman year (take a look at my very first posts), and when I found out she was one, I was very freaked out and *almost* disgusted at myself. Being a (somewhat) former mormon, I grew up being taught that transgenders were abominations to god. That made me hide myself, and when I came out to my parents, I did so in small parts (not a good idea). Especially because I was mormon, I had grown up trying to restrict myself from further research into the topic. I thought my urges were crossdressing, but now I can't dress as a girl without being disgusted because of my body. I hate my body. I hate being 6'2" with broad shoulders and lots of fast growing facial hair. I hate my little "man bits" and how they act up ALL THE TIME! So naturally, I'm going to do what I can to change that. I do wish I could be comfortable as a man, but that would change who I am.

    Anyway, your problem isn't necessarily you personally lacking acceptance of TGs, but of being raised in a society where people lacked it, and picking that behavior up. The thing you have to be responsible for is: either shut up and hide your feelings, or try as hard as you can to break through what you've known.

  8. #8
    AmbezeSubHealth

    Default

    Operations are expensive.

    I see no reason why I shouldn't accept a man with a vagina or a woman with a penis. The only difference I see after the operation is the huge chunk of change the trans-gendered individual is no longer carrying around.


  9. #9

    Default

    I'm not trans, and am a biological girl, but one of my close friends is female to male transgendered. He's one of the nicest people that I know.

    Someone that is transgendered... They don't fit the gender norms that they're expected to take on. In a society where gender wouldn't matter, they could dress how they want, which is all well and good, but that doesn't exist. Gender and sex do matter. Like... you want to be a baby- but it's not the same at all as someone that needs to be in the correct gender for themselves. You might think you need to be a baby, and you might indulge in your spare time- but it's not impacting your identity as significantly. I think that in a society where gender wasn't as big of an issue then we wouldn't necessarily have transgendered people, they could just be themselves- but it is a very big issue.

    I get having the negative feelings- but you should be able to be friends with someone that's transgendered, since they're just like everyone else, just they've been forced into a gender category they're not comfortable with.

    It's a shame that it is sort of stamped on their forehead as you say. Imagine dealing with that 24/7, everyone knowing- which is why they work on passing as their correct gender. I mean, I do struggle with accepting them on some level... the female to male transgendered people either completely pass as men, or you end up assuming they're lesbians, which is unfortunate, as I have hit on a guy that I thought to be a lesbian... but he was transgendered. That was awkward all the way around, and I honestly couldn't date someone transgendered unless they'd had sexual reassignment surgery and could pass- which is sad since they could be an amazing person, but the incongruity and juxtaposition would be too much for me to handle and would end up being harmful to both parties... But if they had undergone srs or are working towards it, it's a whole different ballgame. (Which is awful, since I'm not sure how functional things are after srs- maybe if I really loved the person I could see them as who they were without being bothered, which I imagine is the case, since I do see my female to male trans friend as a man after spending time with him for a long while- it took a bit to get over the juxtaposition of his inner self and his body, but I do see him as male now.)

    I don't know- I have a tendency to want to say "be happy with who you are, you're already perfect" but that's horribly insensitive and the issue is more complex than that- they are the gender they are inside, it's the outside that's not matching up. And society isn't going to treat them as who they actually are until it matches. It's not a perversion and it's not inherently sexual most of the time- after all, would you go through a surgery that may have complications on your sex life for your sex life? That doesn't really add up, so it's not really sexual or perverse... And these are women that genuinely do not want their penis. You can't fathom not wanting your penis- you're not transexual. You just have to remember that your life experience and someone else's do not match up all the time, which is hard, since we're always told to "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" or "imagine how you'd feel if such and such happened to you" and sometimes... you just can't do that. We don't have the capacity to be the other person. You can't know what it feels like to not want your penis- and I don't know either.

    I continuously find internalized judgements about other people in myself. They come from society as a whole and are harmful, and I always regret it after I'm informed.

    Just remember, you can't feel how they feel exactly. Also, apologies for any inaccurate information in this post. I'm not transgender myself and am not as aware of the issues but try to be as supportive as I can.

  10. #10
    AmbezeSubHealth

    Default

    Be happy with who you are is offensive? Maybe I am out of touch.

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