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Thread: What would you do?

  1. #1

    Default What would you do?

    About a few years ago, I caught my dad looking at porn on the computer. Kinda the opposite, when you consider its typically the parents that catch you out.

    But I thought it was just porn. How ever, later I realised its was more than that, its turns out that he is on a few of those dating sites. From what I caught at the time, he wasn't really talking to anybody. However, numerous time has he been googling "<AREA OF LIVING> escorts". Not what you would typically expect from a 40 year old.

    Now, I was quite shocked at the time. My mum was clueless what he has been doing, not only is she computer illiterate. (I have to browse the web with her, She doesn't know how to look for hyper links or what they mean). But When dad was out, I managed to tell her of my findings. My mum didn't realise what he was doing as he would go on these sites with mum out of the house. But this isn't unusual and this isn't the first.

    Turns out, he is quiet the cheater. My mum told me, ever since we got the internet he has been doing this. And met up with other people out side of the internet to have affairs with. But yet, they are still together, my mum says that this is because she keeps falling in the trap of "he will never do it again" and that "he is very sorry". But now, she can't afford to split because she needs the financial support. She said, If possible, they would not be together. But with my dad just out of the army serving for 22years, has be given a few grand that is planned to paid towards the mortgage, and he has his army pension when he is older. He now has his own business earning a decent amount (but only when his customers pay him! That's another matter of stupid idiots).

    What has my mum got, She works part time, while is a part time student. Trying to become a nurse so that she can earn a bit more for herself in future. The only reason she spent the past two years in education was mainly to safe guard herself against dad. Kinda sad really. She also said, before we moved, we used to own a B'n'B and she enjoyed it there. and she would of been happy to run the place on her own. She only moved, because of stress of the current affair dad was having and couldn't work well.

    All these times my dad was having these affairs and my mum caught, I was totally oblivious to what was happening, It was a shame really, I thought my older brother had issues, But it turns out, that was was often being pulled on the leg where dad would indirectly say he was to blame for the family, said really. Move forward like 8 years, He is now working for him in his business. No real troubles other than his attitude and effort sometimes (he has only him self this time to blame).

    Now, going back to when I first found out what he really was doing. And told my mum about it. I was asked is there anyway to monitor his activities, being the "computer know it all". I said there was a key logger on his office computer. (hence, how I found the details), I told her how to check it. And now ever now and then she checks the logs to see what he has been upto. I don't really regret taking the decision myself to initially install the key logger. But it makes you wonder, What if it was just porn? Would I just be invading his privacy, or was it justified?

    My mum doesn't care about him looking at porn, its just talking to other girls. So she isn't too outraged for her husband being a dirty pervert or anything.

    However, Over the past years, My dad has become suspicious of his activities being monitored and has asked me on numerous occasions is there anything on the machine that is capturing his activities and is it even possible? I just put on my best poker face and bluff.

    I don't even feel guilty for it. I don't feel upset about it, or anything. I am really ignorant towards my family? Or am I guarding and protecting my family's financial future? I am feel what I am doing is as natural as having breakfast every morning, and I don't make it a habit either to keep an eye on people like this. Or does it 'Take two to tango', He is winding us up by his net actives and we are winding him up by keeping an eye on him from a distance?

    I considered posting this ages ago when I was on TBDL. But I thought it wasnt' necessary, the only reason I posted it last night, was I 'in the mood too' and thought I would post a topic in the mature forum.

    So where do you draw the line on what measures you will take to handle the situation? I felt I have gone too far, yet I can still do more.

  2. #2


    I think you should leave it alone...This is between them, and you're just getting a little too involved

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by Pojo View Post
    I think you should leave it alone...This is between them, and you're just getting a little too involved
    Maybe so, But I haven't really been doing much over than of left the key logger on. I see my mum check it every now and then, but I don't bother to see what the latest development is.

    But as I said, I feel nothing for either of my parents, nor have myself had any emotional issues with it. Its funny and sad at the same time really.

  4. #4


    That's really a sad shame, UnMarth. His actions are destroying the one thing that he should treasure - his family. You've done about all you can do. The decisions for the future are up to your mom and dad. Guys doing what your dad is doing many times end up old and lonely. My brother-in-law did the same thing to my sister, only a little earlier in life. No internet back then, instead he and buddies from work chipped in and rented an apartment to use as their harem to cheat on their wives. My sister finally had enough and split. It was hard financially, but she managed to get by. As for her ex? He went with other women for years and even fathered another child by one. None of them stayed with him. Now he's about 64 years old and has no one. It's sad in a way, but he made his bed and now he's laying in it. I could only hope your dad would sincerely straighten himself up before it's too late (if it isn't already) and try to take steps to restore some of the love and trust you all once had in him. Cheaters have sometimes come to their senses and turned around - not often, but it does happen occasionally.


  5. #5


    I've got to admit, it's pretty damn cool. You must feel like L from Deathnote. I would keep going if I was in your position. It doesn't seem fair to your mother that she is being cheated on, nor does it seem fair to your father that your mother is using him for his money. However, because you claim that you have no emotional investment, it seems that you're doing this because it entertains you. Of course, it entertains me as well. Which is why I'm giving you advice, which means you probably shouldn't follow it. Unless it's good advice. My head hurts...

  6. #6


    Well before my mom got her computer my dad used my laptop. One day i came home and saw...some less than savory sites visited and among them was dating stuff for this area. I was mad to say the least. I let it go to see what was really happening it turns out my dad was clicking advertisements he saw(hence the dating histories).

    But To your situation. I agree with pojo. You should let your parents work it out for themselves.

  7. #7


    I would have to say that you are only setting you and your family up for some major heartache by getting involved as you did.

    If you truly feel as though what your father is doing is any of your business, you should have confronted him and not gone to your mother with your information.

    I know that it is a tough situation for you and feel for you but I still believe you are better off letting your parents take care of their business.

  8. #8


    I'd just keep it as it is, not try to get more involved or reduce your current level of involvement. He might be suspicious but as long as he doesn't know anything your aren't actually in danger. And if what you set up was caught your Mum will probably come to your protection, something along the lines of "she asked you to".

    If your Mum knows that he cheats and lets it carry on, nothing is likely to change in that area either. Unfortunately, I expect that they will carry on playing 'happy families' because your father doesn't think he will be stopped and your mother doesn't want to stop him because of money.

    It's a messy situation, but I would just try to not get any more involved with it.

  9. #9


    Don't touch it with a 10 foot pole. Only two things can come of it and both are bad.

  10. #10


    Eventually the crap will surface. There are two options: The mother leaves the marriage and goes away with the family destroyed, or stays and continues choking on the status quo.

    You have the death weapon on your right hand. Don't use it until the breaking point arises with you being able to move out.

    The choice is yours.

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