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Thread: To those who "save" their virginity for marriage...?????

  1. #1

    Default To those who "save" their virginity for marriage...?????

    The Virginity thread got me thinking...
    actually that was one of those thing I never understood - to be frank think of it as a rather "unideal" idea.

    -> not to have sex until you are married.


    Fair enough I have to say I'm not a christian, I'm definitely not conservative, and thus probably never understand where this idea comes from...

    but what bothers me are two things:
    those who do this kind of thing - for whatever reason - WHAT if you find out that the person you have married is not what you would like to have as a sexual partner. I mean I have been with girls whom I liked but the sex sucked... we had too different of a fantasie and stuff like that so sex got pretty boring with them after some time - and I've been with girls I like and our sexuality was a "match" too... this rocked ...
    Why are you willing to marry someone you actually don't truly know.
    And what do you promise yourselfs from waiting until you're married...
    What is the sense in this???

    And the other thing is: why do you think it's "saving" up for someone...
    Honestly - for all but a few times - I have always really appreciated to have sex and hoped to have done everything to make it a mutual pleasure for the girl and myself...
    I don't think there is anything degrading in having had sex before with someone else - quite to the contrary - there's more experience and for sure a lot more pleasure than the first few times.


    just some thoughts...

  2. #2

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    On the whole, I agree with what you've said, and broadly-speaking, I've never understood it totally.

    But...

    Obviously, we have to respect that people hold different beliefs to our own, be they moral or religious. That is probably the main reason people wait.
    Another option may well be a conscious effort to rebel against the peer pressure kind of thing.
    Along these lines, the whole idea of being 'sexually-compatible' with someone, and realising this after marrying, I think people would say that their beliefs mean they marry for love and that they can still love someone even without sexual compatibility; that the bedroom antics are just a shallow side-product and do not change their feelings for their partner.

    I fear I've waffled through this. Excuse me if this makes no sense!

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by tommygun View Post

    but what bothers me are two things:
    those who do this kind of thing - for whatever reason - WHAT if you find out that the person you have married is not what you would like to have as a sexual partner.
    If your going to marry someone just for the sex, you have got something wrong with you. You should marry someone because you love them and want to be with them. I would rather have lousy sex and a great companion, than a great sex life and someone I hate being around.

  4. #4

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    I can only speak from a Christian background, but I presume it has similar lines in other religions. From what I understand, at it's most basic level, sex is used to consummate a marriage - i.e. validate it in the eyes of God. If one has had sex before marriage, you have insulted God by consummating something that isn't a marriage. I think it also stems from a belief that sex is for creating children and prolonging the life of God's children - but a child was considered a bastard if they were born out of wedlock. When you combine those two ideals with a strong religious background, it's fairly easy to hold sex until marriage.

    The idea of saving yourself is again to do with proclaiming your love for each other in front of God - you are saving up to enjoy in the gift of lovemaking with God's blessing.

    However, I've been out of touch with religious dogma for many years - I'm sure other members will be able to chip in further.

    As for the non-religious aspect, I believe it boils down to people wanting to lose their virginity to the person they are planning to spend their life together with - almost as a gift to say "I have kept myself pure so that you can be the first to enjoy my body" - as DanDan rightly said, marriage without sex means marriage purely for love. Though I guess the flip-side could mean some religious people marrying purely for sex - but I doubt that is the case if they are following a religion.

  5. #5

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    im a libertarian and a christian and i waited to have sex till on my honeymoon at the age of 21. the experience, my first experience was horrible and looking back, i feel its better for people to consider sexual compatiblility before marriage or serious relationship comittment. I think conservative christians pretend that sex isnt that important in a relationship but i also find that many conservative christians, and more importantly churches treat sex and sexuality as a taboo subject. from a practical perspective, they feel that since accidents happen and babies are born that arent planned, waiting to have sex till marriage offers the greatest chance of kid(s) being raised in a two parent house hold..they also feel that sex should be reserved for committed couples...i.e married couples since there is no other way to be comitted(sarcasm)...my opinion is that its irresponsible to wait till marriage to have sex...on another note the bible talks about the 4 types of love, one of them being love expressed through sex...and how if one isnt there the relationship is doomed....makes you wonder what happens when one person is a dead fish and the other a nympho...lol

  6. #6

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    Now this is from a younger persons perspective...

    Now, im not religious or any thing however i think a "sexual match" is a big part of a persons relationship. I have heard of lots of like religious coupals where (usually the girl) only wants sex for children and thats it. Then usually the male goes and cheats on her like 4-5 years down the road because he isnt gettin any. :P

    At the end of the day...

    "Those who are looking for sexual compatability know that its a factor and generally know by experience what their looking for"

    "those who are virgins """dont know yet""" and may or may not know if sexual compatability matters to them and may end up finding out the hard way"

    "Those who know and try to like disgard it n stuff like idk and then save them selves actually know for certain that sexual compatability isnt an issue and arnt in for any surprizes."

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by WingDog View Post
    If your going to marry someone just for the sex, you have got something wrong with you. You should marry someone because you love them and want to be with them. I would rather have lousy sex and a great companion, than a great sex life and someone I hate being around.
    I'm saying that you can have both

    at least that's what my aim in a relationship is: good personal life together AND a good sex life.
    I'm not saying I would marry just for the sex - actually I have no plans to marry at any time even though I've been in a pretty stable relationship...
    but I would consider it a serious downside if the sex would be lousy, as to me it is important.
    I am not saying that sex is everything - certainly not, but it is an integral part of what I consider a good love-relationship.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by tommygun View Post
    I'm saying that you can have both

    at least that's what my aim in a relationship is: good personal life together AND a good sex life.
    I'm not saying I would marry just for the sex - actually I have no plans to marry at any time even though I've been in a pretty stable relationship...
    but I would consider it a serious downside if the sex would be lousy, as to me it is important.
    I am not saying that sex is everything - certainly not, but it is an integral part of what I consider a good love-relationship.
    I think thats what most of us are trying to say too tommy, or atleast thats what i was trying to say.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chiharu View Post
    I think thats what most of us are trying to say too tommy, or atleast thats what i was trying to say.
    I think that people who don't believe in that "no sex before marriage"-thing see that a lot different... I mean I know that I don't get the idea behind this,
    I don't get why god would think less of anyone (I don't believe in any god(s) btw.) just because he/she had sex without being married - I mean marriage is just a social concept.
    But I am truly curious about those whom believe in "no sex before" and to see WHY?

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by tommygun View Post
    I mean marriage is just a social concept.
    But I am truly curious about those whom believe in "no sex before" and to see WHY?
    I think eeyore said this best. Re-read his post. Makes good sense.

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