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Thread: If you were married, would you tell your spouse everything or keep some things private?

  1. #1

    Cool If you were married, would you tell your spouse everything or keep some things private?

    For me, i would tell them everything. I dont want to keep anything from them because i wouldnt want them to do that to me. Its best to lay all the cards on the table so you know what your getting into (my opinion)

  2. #2


    I would have told her before I got married - ABDL is always going to be a big part of our lives and personality - it's not fair to allow her to marry you without knowing it, or to marry her knowing you'd be living part of your life in secret. I've heard hiding ABDL described similarly to having an affair - it's that important in a relationship.

    Of course, if she took it badly and left me, then I've set her free to find a true love. If she refused to accept it, I'd leave her and again set her and myself free. If she tolerated it, I'd try to show some discretion, but at least I could indulge. Best case would be her accepting and participating, or at least warming to the idea for as long as we were married.

    Although, this is trivial for me at the moment as my girlfriend is ABDL too, and I'm likely to end up married to her too...

  3. #3


    For the same reasons as you guys, I would tell her (maybe he, I don't know yet...). I don't need to go in to detail, because all of my reasons are the same.

  4. #4


    You should tell them everything before you get married. Probably before you pop the question. I have read about enough marriages destroyed by people waiting years to tell the wife to form the opinion that acceptance should be a deal breaker.

  5. #5


    I would tell them everything because its better to come out in the open and turn your secret in an object of mutual trust, than let your husband/wife find out on their own and have them wonder "what other secrets do you have?"

  6. #6


    Disclosure of these aspects of who you are are absolutely necessary prior to entering into a marriage/permanent commitment to another person. Acceptance is the minimum qualification.

    Humans are complex beings. We are all made of diverse aspects, behaviors, beliefs, quirks and lifestyles. OUR *B/DL aspects are a part of how we are wired (IMHO). Finding a potential life partner requires that we have a great deal of (two-way) communication/disclosure of what makes us tick. When we are both satisfied that we can love and live with the other, then we are ready to commit to the other person. Keep in mind if you are young you will likely go through a myriad of evolutionary changes (of your diverse aspects, behaviors, beliefs, quirks and lifestyles) throughout your lifetime.

    You may find your partner to be a polar opposite to you. I am very creative and chaotic, my wife is very ordered and practical. We balance each other. I tend to be way out on the creative/artistic/chaotic continuum. I do believe I am extremely fortunate to have found a loving partner with so much tolerance and understanding of who I am. I disclosed my childlike side to her very early on. It did not phase her in the least. She has been very supportive and tolerant and I have not been overly demanding. (Some fantasies are best left as fantasies). Over the last seven years our relationship in all areas has become more and more satisfying to both of us. This is not my first marriage, but it is certainly my last.

    My first marriage ended badly after disclosing my AB/DL side. There were numerous reasons for the failure of our marriage, this disclosure was less significant than other aspects. It was an unhealthy relationship by all standards and I do not regret having made the decision to divorce her 24 years ago.

    After this horrific marriage of 11 years, I really didn't think I would meet anyone that would truly love me for me. I dated and had some relationships throughout the next 17 years. Then in 2004, I met my wife (truly, a love at first site), she is my true soul-mate, my doe rabbit, the one I share my burrow with.

    Life is a journey, if you're really lucky, you meet that right person while just hopping down the bunny trail.

  7. #7


    I've been there and always tell all. Honesty makes or breaks a relationship, not diapers.

  8. #8


    Tell, of course.
    I'm sure it's great to have someone one can share everything with.
    And, if they can't accept this one quirk of ours, what kind of partner would they make anyway?

  9. #9


    Same with others... tell before getting into serious relationship.

    For me, and DL side, I would reveal this just few months after dating and if the relationship gives the impression that it will be serious and you can imagine your future with this person.

    Bit off topic but similar idea - for my transgender past, I always will tell prior to dating so I can see if she/he will accept me for who I am. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother and waste my time. Other reason I do this so I can avoid fights and possible violence/harm. I heard lot of stories of transgender people got seriously injured or even killed because their boyfriend/girlfriend was furious that they were lied to and realized they are not biologically female (or male).

  10. #10


    Depends how much of a emotional dependent person you are. But remember if you tell them everything it leaves you completely vulnerable. If you are not afraid of getting hurt then you should tell them everything. If he/she doesn't accept you then..better now then later.

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