You know.. Im probably starting to sound like a crazy broken record... but meh... thats my perogative.
Im sure everybody has in some fashion mutual emotions to some degree. We all know we wear and to some extent enojoy diapers in one way or another. Many of you probably know what I am talking about when I say that to some degree I enjoy embarassment.
I enjoy that thrill that comes when you are wearing a diaper in public. I enjoy the rush of wearing diapers around my friends. I enjoy the wonder and the thought of possibly being caught, being seen, being stared at. I love the feeling of "I know something you dont know". Its great.
But eventually those secrets turn on you, or at least they turn on me. The thrill of embrassment dies to the emptiness of secrecy. I have to hide it. We all have to hide it. I would give anything to tell people about me and be accepted. I would give my whole world to be loved for who I am. But there are those that will never understand. There are those that dont want to or cant. I have to hide me from them.
The secrecy. The lies. The hiding. Its great.
It all eventually sucks. It all fades away into the abysmal nature of who we are. That we can never really be ourselves. That we will have have to hide from some of those that we love. The defeatism and hopeless nature of it all can get overwhelming...
Im not emo. I dont hate myself. I love who I am and where I am in life. I have a wonderful girlfriend who understands me. I have parents who are tolerant. I have great life. But I also have a mind like the broom from fantasia... smash it to peices and all you get is ten thousand more brooms.
Secrecy sucks... but its who I am. Secrecy sucks.... But I love it... Secrecy sucks