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Thread: Adult baby/adult child + children

  1. #1

    Default Adult baby/adult child + children

    Recently I got myself into a bit of a sticky situation which might involve the loss of my marriage but I wanted to be able to ask you people here a few things. What do you think of adult baby/adult children and actual real life children. Can they be combined? Can they actually work out?

    I told my wife's daughter (who's my age actually) that I was worried about what would happen when her daughter got older and whether or not I would be the right kind of person to have any kind of influence on her life or not. Why does this scare me so much? Because my father embarrassed me so often when I was a kid. I personally believe that he is an adult child himself as he is always interested in playing games..stupid games like lets jump off the elevator together or beat you to the playground. This I found rather embarrassing as a child and even more as a teenager. I tried to talk to him and tried to get him to be able to talk to me more like an adult but it seemed like most of the time he either couldn't or wouldn't.

    I had to learn which moods I could come and talk to him in and which moods he would just say something stupid or childish. I had to learn when I could be near him and when it was dangerous to, when he would push me away - literally.

    I was scared that as an adult child myself that I could do this kind of thing to another little girl and that I would therefore be a danger to her and I didn't want to be. But after talking to a few friends about it they tell me that because I have witnessed this behaviour in my father and because I realise that I am an adult child myself I should have more control over my behaviour then he ever had. That by being open and honest with my partner I should be able to make sure this problem never arises. Tell me your honest opinion about this as I would love to know.

  2. #2

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    To be quite honest, I don't see how the two mix. I have a little sister, she's about 20 months now. When I watch her my maternal instincts take over. I've never thought about diapers or my ab/dl side of me. I think about her, and I think like any other mother out there.

  3. #3

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    well for me on the other hand, im pretty laid back, so say.. if a few kids are havng a bit of a 'brawl' mgh step in, have them all come at me or somethin so that, 1, i control the moves done to them, and 2, i get a kick out of it, but ill instantly wse up if need be say.. if one kind gets hurt accidently, something like this acctually hapened where it appeared the kid got a kinnd of cramp in his ankle, i instantly broke things up and got him in a good positon,

    long story short, i dont really give a stuff about being 'mature' for the pure sake of it, but i make sure that is within limits, and i value having fun above anything, but the momen i need to i wizen up and try and take control of the situation i.e actng mature, and thinking about peoples nterests at heart, lke i go tense for example when someone is n a potentially hazardous situation say.. at the stove and often coming close to coming into contact wth really hot pans. etc

    then again. my lad back nature has resulted in a few screw ups, for example my yunger cousin, at around 10 likes computor games, like myself, in fact ive often commented shes like a girl verson of me. and once she asked about the game runescape, and when she asked how to play/ get the game, i showed her, what didn really think about at the tme was that she can get pretty hokked on a game, runscape even moreso, and for that reason i think my aunt was a LITTLE displeased that i had showed her runescape... i regret showing her actually for that reason.

    so as long as you can pull of something like hat youll be fine. while its alright to be the 'cool cousin/relative etc' just as mandi says try to fully consder what yo are doing, and well if yu make sure they dont do really silly things ie things by which they could hurt themselves. Really, youve got nothing to worry about

  4. #4

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    My wife and I have raised two children, a boy and a girl. NEVER did I combine my AB/Kid Adult feelings with anything I did with them, unless you'd consider swinging on park and backyard swings together, or playing fun games together as combining the two. To me, that particular type of play is just something any parents will do with their kids. Far as I remember, I never did anything with them at any point when they were growing up that would be considered too childish for their maturity level - something that would cause them embarrassment. As I've mentioned in other threads, I haven't in any way influenced my kids to be like me, or even let on to who I am as far as infantilism is concerned. Being a AB/KidAdult and a husband/parent has always been two separate parts of my life. Honestly, care_a_lot, by the very fact you're trying to reason this out in your mind tells me it won't be a problem for you. You sound much too sensible to do anything to cause hurt or embarrassment to a little child. Hope that helps set your mind at ease a bit.

    Btw, sounds like your dad had some other issues going on with the extreme moods, more than just being an Adult Child. Not a psychologist, but that's the gut feeling I get.

    ~Pramrider
    Last edited by Pramrider; 23-Jul-2008 at 22:06.

  5. #5

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    Thank you so much pram rider and everyone else for putting my mind at ease. When I was reading over your post Mandi I was reminded of a time with my second cousin. I never let myself be a part of a child's life in the past due to the fear of this issue coming up but this one time I was over at my aunts place. I went to the toilet and as I went to the bathroom to wash my hands I saw my second cousin in there. I didn't think much of it at first figured that they must have given him some water to spray around and a little cloth "helping mummy clean" he said when I asked him what he was doing. I believe he was 2 at this time.

    Then I saw him go into a cupboard and in there I saw some turpentine in his hand. Now I know that there's a child safety lock on these things so its relatively safe but still some splash backs can happen when you use the stuff And i didn't think he should be holding that stuff AT ALL!

    I picked up the turps saying "give that to me thank you." and grabbed my second cousin swinging him out of the room. "WEEE!" I said as I got him out of the room. My cousin came in and saw what I was doing and asked "why are you holding my son?" my cousin and I have never really gotten along much. I told her about the turps and she said "there's no turps in there just water!" and I told her to go and look. Low and behold she came back out holding the turps in her hand and an embarrassed look on her face. I never did get an appology.

    I cleaned up my second cousin *got him to wash his hands* and left him in the bathroom with the water he had been originally given. I guess that you are right my instant reaction was to save him. Even after all the hurt I went through with my father.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by care_a_lot View Post
    Thank you so much pram rider and everyone else for putting my mind at ease. When I was reading over your post Mandi I was reminded of a time with my second cousin. I never let myself be a part of a child's life in the past due to the fear of this issue coming up but this one time I was over at my aunts place. I went to the toilet and as I went to the bathroom to wash my hands I saw my second cousin in there. I didn't think much of it at first figured that they must have given him some water to spray around and a little cloth "helping mummy clean" he said when I asked him what he was doing. I believe he was 2 at this time.

    Then I saw him go into a cupboard and in there I saw some turpentine in his hand. Now I know that there's a child safety lock on these things so its relatively safe but still some splash backs can happen when you use the stuff And i didn't think he should be holding that stuff AT ALL!

    I picked up the turps saying "give that to me thank you." and grabbed my second cousin swinging him out of the room. "WEEE!" I said as I got him out of the room. My cousin came in and saw what I was doing and asked "why are you holding my son?" my cousin and I have never really gotten along much. I told her about the turps and she said "there's no turps in there just water!" and I told her to go and look. Low and behold she came back out holding the turps in her hand and an embarrassed look on her face.

    I cleaned up my second cousin *got him to wash his hands* and left him in the bathroom with the water he had been originally given. I guess that you are right my instant reaction was to save him. Even after all the hurt I went through with my father.
    your are your dads [B]daugter[B] not actually him, yo are not bound to his fate. (lotr reference but so true) stop thinking your going to be this MAJOR screwup, but the fect you are worried about being a hurtful influence to me speaks volumes about how much ou care for ther welfare, how you understand how much your actions can have an nfluence, youll do just fine, rust me, and ive heard tesamonials of people with doubts that are similar to yours, ill post it here:

    from " For this i am grateful"

    "As an isolated, single, soon-to-be mother with no childcare experience, i was scared to death of harming my baby. when i was visiting my obstetricion, i roke down in tears. she looked up at me and said, 'its good that your scared, its good that you understand what your impact will be on this child, i wish i heard more of my patients say this. you understand how impotant you wll be in building this baby into a mature adult. you'll do well'. she smiled at me, put her hand on my shoulder, and suddenly i knew i could do it. whenever i have doubts i remember her support, it still means everything to me. "

    i think your in a smilar situaion, and yeah, i think you have nothng really to fear.

  7. #7

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    PramRider is correct. FOr all but the most unfortunate of us *b-ism does not complicate our relationships with real children. I have three daughters, and as I've said in another post the business of bringing up three babies has never inspired in me any complex or difficult feelings that relate to anything other than the enormous responsibility of making sure that all three are happy, self-confident, un-fearful, warm and properly fed. In short - I have occasionally worried that I'm not up to the task, or have failed in some respect - but not in ways that have anything to do with being an *b. Just in the ways that I imagine any parent who takes their responsilibites seriously will worry.

    I think that in a strange way any *b who has ever thought at length about their own condition actually ends up being somewhat wiser about other people's needs than most individuals whose sexuality is less ... er ... complicated. When I was going out with a girl who was bulimic I was able to understand her compulsive behaviour, the whole binge and purge rhythm, and so forth. I don't think there are enough human beings who are aware that what their minds are standing is basically mysterious! A self-aware *b has no choice but to face the fact, and in some senses I really think that makes us better people.

  8. #8

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    I too have raised three children quite successfully. My role as a parent was always separate from who I am as an adult baby. When I married and had children, I stopped using pot, drank very little alcohol, and worked hard at my job. I always had time for my children, as they were the first concern in my life. I had Fridays off, and so I expressed me needs then, but my baby self, and my role as a father never mixed.

    You are the one in control over who you are. Remember that one grows gradually into parenthood as a parent. When we moved to Virginia, we adopted my wife's 12 year old nephew, so we became instant teenage parents, but we coped very well as he was a great kid. There are books you can read to help you understand dealing with kids. But most of it is common sense, and nothing replaces genuine love. If you love children, you will always consider their needs above yours.

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