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Thread: Approaching a Girlfriend about infantilism

  1. #1

    Default Approaching a Girlfriend about infantilism

    So this topic does come up, but the most recent ones come up under TB, however I'd like the AB perspective on this. My worries are is that when i find the right girl that i'd like to marry, she is going to reject my DL Furry side, as i am sure that others have worried. I am looking for a girl with high values, and so trying to show to her that Infantilism isn't all about sexual desires in my mind is going to be a hard task to beat.
    How and when have you guys found success? I've thought about easing it in, maybe by leaving my stuffed animal out on the dash of the car or something and let her ask questions. But i want to make sure that i'm understood before i ever make a commitment of marriage.

  2. #2

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    My friend, you and I are in the exact same boat.

    I totally married the ridiculously normal girl-next-door-type who had never heard of anything called 'ABDL' in her life. I was still discovering what it meant to be an ABDL when we met in college. I didn't bring it up until our senior year. I really watered it down as much as I could on that first mention, but even that was hard for her to take. She cried a lot, panicked about where we were going and insisted we go to therapy.

    We went to a therapist who pretty much said that this wasn't a huge deal and in fact, it was a non-harmful way to try and cope with something I was missing. Hearing this from an unbiased, third-party really calmed her down. However, it was still touchy and we never talked about it. She fell under the assumption that I had lost interest and that was that.

    Once talk of marriage sprang up and the idea of living together was on my mind, I knew it had to be mentioned again. I brought it up one night when it was just she and I, no distractions, and explained how I was still an AB and that I probably would be for the rest of my life. Again, she was taken aback, but not as much. I made it clear that I didn't want her to be involved in the age-play aspect. She appreciated this and, up until last night, the agreement was I could regress on my own time, when she wasn't around. We got married and moved in together. She knows I buy diapers and footed sleepers and such, but just turns a blind eye for the most part.

    As I mentioned above, this was until last night. After talking on here, I realized that hiding my AB side was only adding stress to my situation. I really don't have much alone time as it is and I've found that during a good part of that time, I'm not in the mood to regress (too tired, chores to do, etc.) So, while driving home, I brought up how I wanted to 'wear' around her. Again, I didn't want her involved, but I also didn't want to have to hide it. If I wanted to wear when we were just hanging around, I should be able to. ONCE MORE, apprehension on her part (seeing a pattern, lol), but after I explained that it's still me, just me exploring my little side, it relaxed her. She knows I love her so much and that getting in-touch with these feeling allows me to feel at peace and, in turn, be a better husband. From what I've seen on here, it could also help me to be a more understanding father to our future children.

    Really, more than anything, going to therapy together helped her deal with the situation. Hearing a professional opinion removed the stigma of it. Step-by-step is the way I recommend. Be up front and say this is who you are, but be gentle about it. Don't bring it up just as you're about to go somewhere or know you'll be interrupted. Take the time to sit together where you're free of distractions and be tactful about it. The more mature you are in explaining it, the more she'll understand that this is just a part of you, not a whole new you.

    Is it going to be easy? No, probably not. I know it will always be somewhat of a stumbling block in my marriage. Yet, this is a 'for life' issue; I can't just throw it away and she's coming to grips with that. All I can do is be honest with her and respect her comfort level with it. So far, I've been able to get about 90% of what I need from my AB side and I'm still married, though sometimes I wonder how . Have faith and know that love is an amazing thing; trust in it.

    Best of luck!

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by onecho View Post
    My friend, you and I are in the exact same boat.
    Wow, Thanks man, that was really helpful actually. Thanks for being so open, i hope the stress can keep going down for you. Its hard being in such a unique situation because regression is nothing bad, its just misunderstood, and trying to remove yourself from it is like trying to not be yourself, especially if it has been a part of you since you were a little kid. I imagine that it would be great finding a girl who wouldn't mind being involved, but even then I would be perfectly happy with someone who is ok accepting it as a part of me. Even though I haven't gotten into an extremely serious relationship i know what you mean at least a little bit that love is an amazing thing. Love is way better than Infantilism, but for me to stop infantilism would be like asking me to never go fishing again in my life, or do ceramics, two of the things i enjoy best.
    Best of luck with you too, thanks for the support, its nice to have hope.

  4. #4

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    People have a very strange tendency to in some way mirror the emotions and feelings of the people they're talking to. For the most part, I believe that in order to tell someone about this, you need to act like it's the most natural thing possible and that it's not weird whatsoever. You have to portray it in such a way that its almost bizarre for any reasonable person to be unable to accept your fetish: if they don't accept it, they're the one with the problem and not you. If you seem afraid that you won't be accepted or understood, then it's likely that you won't be accepted or understood. I honestly believe that if you aren't insecure when you're talking to your significant other, then they likely won't feel insecure about it either.

    I haven't personally had any experience telling anyone about my ABDL side, but honestly simply having a confident attitude has fixed soooooooo many situations where people have been suspicious or doubtful of me ranging from missing assignments for teachers to convincing a friend that I wasn't cheating with his girlfriend.

  5. #5

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    Something to consider before you spill the bean on this sort of thing.

    Girls talk.

    Even after you're married

    Girls talk. Its genetic.

    Unless you're prepared for a lot of people, including family and friends to know about it, keep your mouth shut.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    Something to consider before you spill the bean on this sort of thing

    Girls talk.

    Even after you're married

    Girls talk. Its genetic.

    Unless you're prepared for a lot of people, including family and friends to know about it, keep your mouth shut.
    There are two counter-points I feel the need to cover in response to the above generalization:

    1. I agree that this would be a concern in a new, girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. However, when you get into the world of marriage, even if the wife is the gossip-y type (i.e. mine), it is to her benefit to not mention it. What prevents her from 'spilling the beans' is a mix of A) love and commitment to each other, and B) unfortunately, probably a little worry about being judged by friends for marrying an ABDLBF. I don't support the logic behind the latter point, but it seems to be the case a majority of the time.

    2. Tying into my first point, while I wouldn't go into exquisite detail on the first date, if you see yourself possibly marrying her, she should know what she's getting into. This isn't going to go away and you don't want to marry someone who can't deal with that. Trust is a huge part of marriage; if you don't feel you can confide this part of you to her, honestly, she's probably not the one for you.

    3. Once you're married and living together, hiding it will be next to impossible; I learned this very quickly. Plus, even if you manage to, there will always be the panic of knowing she could discover your secret any day. There's a VERY real possibility that her reaction will be FAR worse under that scenario than if you're up-front with her.

    Bottom line: Understand that in our world, there's ALWAYS a risk others will find out. Therefore, consider who you're dealing with. If you are just dating, I'd keep it a secret. If you've been dating a while, and you see it going somewhere, I'd say play your hand.

    Again, as I originally posted, ease her into it. Just as with most of us, it's not something that one can easily come to grips with overnight.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dhuum View Post
    People have a very strange tendency to in some way mirror the emotions and feelings of the people they're talking to. For the most part, I believe that in order to tell someone about this, you need to act like it's the most natural thing possible and that it's not weird whatsoever.
    I am in complete agreement with this statement. I think you have an excellent point here that i will keep in mind.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    i want to make sure that i'm understood before i ever make a commitment of marriage.
    This is important. As onecho has said, you really want to tell a partner about this before marriage. Marriage is based on trust, and if you can't trust your partner with this, then it doesn ot bode well for the relationship. It would be very hard to hide anyways.

    As far as being worried about finding someone that will accept your ABDL side, don't. Don't worry about finding someone that's into AB stuff. Just find someone you can connect to. Someone that you love to be around, and someone that enriches your life. When the time comes to tell, all you can do is hope that they will accept you. It's not as much of a leap of faith as you may think. It's harder to reject someones little quirks when there is a strong relationship in place already.

  9. #9

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    Sorry to hear about your quandary, but you have to be optimistic about the situation. I told my GF/future wife whom I love dearly, that I like to wear diapers as a form of comfort and escape. Well her response was probably in the middle, bad decision but I told her when I was really drunk and she could tell that I wanted to tell her something really badly, meaning that while she thought it was really weird and she didn't want me to wear around her and stuff, she really didnt get that mad at me because we love each other so much. Well, that was in April '10 and i haven't brought it up since. However, she still sleeps with her baby blanket and she's 20 so I think that she may have some desires to be babied or regress to release stress. Either way the best advice I can give you is only tell your significant other about this if you feel like this relationship is going somewhere serious and for the long-haul. Also, that you both love each other very much and really care for each other and your well being. If these things dont apply to your relationship then I think it would be best for you to keep it to yourself, unless you just have to tell someone, then in that case good luck!

  10. #10

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    hey Tyger
    I have to agree with BabyBeau on this one. This past year after my girlfriend came across my diapers in the garage I was forced to confront this issue. While she didn't really take much notice of why the diapers were in the garage, I felt it a good time to try and explain to her the emotional comfort I get from them. I told her that this was, admittedly, a difficult thing for me to tell her, and that the secret had been eating at me for a while. To my fortune, she was and remains supportive and loving to this day.

    I think if you truly do want to open up to someone like a girlfriend about this, that it may be a tough call i.e. knowing when to approach the topic. But try to follow your gut. I think in my case my girlfriend and I have become even closer since this. She doesn't share in my passion or want to be involved with diapers, but she does embrace who I am and what makes me tick. What oboysetht said holds some truth too: telling your girlfriend about being a DL probably isn't the best unless you truly trust, love and respect her, and know that she shares the same feelings.

    Either way, I think it would be best to approach this with some degree of transparency and honesty. In my case I approached the subject head on. I was nervous and it showed. But I know that she appreciated the honesty and that she understood the difficulty in sharing a deep secret. Best of luck, hope that helps-

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