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Thread: Friends and Growing Up

  1. #1

    Default Friends and Growing Up

    About an hour ago, I went over to the house of a friend of mine. I haven't hung out with him in a few months, since we go to different schools, and we didn't have much to talk about. We tried doing the things that we used to do back in middle school, but they didn't feel the same. A few minutes ago, since we were walking up and down the street bored out of our minds, I suggested that we both go home and try to hang out another day.

    This made me truly realize how much I've changed since middle school. This year went by so fast, but so much has changed. I just feel so crappy right now. I don't have that many close friends, being the nerd that I am, so when I lose a friend, it's a pretty big deal to me. I feel that I've lost him as a friend, like we've grown apart from each other.

    This has to have happened to a majority of you, so if you have any experiences, please share. I just don't really know what to do and how to feel right now.

  2. #2


    You can never repair the hole in your heart when you lose a close friend. I've never had this experience (I've lost friends, yes, but they were never close... maybe that's why I lost them *shrugs*), but I'm sure it's heartbreaking. But no matter what happens, your family is there for you, thick and thin... and so am I. I'm not too great at motivational speeches most of the time, but I know how to make someone feel better in another way... try to be the best friend I can and support those I care about. You guys may not be the closest of friends anymore, but you can still keep in contact with him and try to maintain a regular friendship.

    But when you lose a best friend, someone else has to take their place, and that person is usually the one who helps you get over your loss.

  3. #3


    The toughest part in life is realizing that friends do come and go. I am about to start my second year in college and I rarely hang out with the friends that I had back in high school. Over time, we all grow up and mature, and our needs of friends become different over time. I know you are talking about the difference between middle and high school but things really do change. It is sad in your circumstance since you still feel attachment to your former friends and it is really annoying and somber to see a former friend and not bond like old times, but new scenarios and new opportunities will bring new friends and new relationships in time.

  4. #4


    My wife had a good college friend who got married to someone very different from her. In a few short years they grew apart from each other. The marriage ended in divorce. There is a great deal of difference in maturity from junior high and high school, even more so in college. It's not surprising that the two of you grew apart. You no longer had a continuing shared history. All you had was the past, and it was no longer on going.

    When I was in 6th and 7th grade, I had the very best friend. He opened up a whole world to me, of rock music, cars, biking, bowling, and growing into puberty. I think I probably loved him, not really knowing the implications of love. During 7th grade, my parents went bankrupt and we had to move. We made the move and I went to bed in our new, smaller house, 50 miles removed. One week later I woke up, woke up to consciousness. My mom told me I had a psychotic break. Friendships are that important.

    When I wrote "Werewolf" I wrote a dream sequence where the young police officer dreams he is following the 14 year old murder victim in the woods, the boy walking further away from him. He tries to catch up, catch up to what is now his best friend from high school, but he loses him in the woods, never to see him. I have this as a repeating dream.

    We miss the friends we had as kids, and the greater tragedy is in losing track of them. Life goes on, and new people come into our lives, but it's alright to remember the ones who were once important to us. In "Let Me In", the author talks about the thin line between love and need. If you think about it, the ones we have loved were the ones we needed. They gave us something that no other thing can fill. Once gone, there's always a hole, and sometimes, the void comes back when it's least expected.

  5. #5


    It's how I have lived my life and I find all of it to be very true.

    The teenage years are the hardest and most chaotic to deal with. Everyone judges you and you don't satisfy anyone. You are trying to decide who you want to be and all your friends are dealing with their own demons. Depression is very common in most teens who don't know how to look towards the future and see the good in life. If you want more friends put yourself in situations where you can meet people you have things in common with. It might be awkward at first, it might not even lead to anything, but it is going to do more for you than not trying at all. The best advice I can give you is to be true to yourself, you only get one life and it should be up to you how you live it.

  6. #6


    I just want to add to all of the above that friends come and go.. and sometimes they come back again. You need some time apart once in a while, so don't write him off just yet.

  7. #7


    The previous posters are right. It's tough now, but you'll find new friends. When I went to college, I roomed with an old high school friend, but I ended up hanging out a LOT more with new friends I made at college. My old friend and I hardly saw each other, except to sleep at night, and sometimes not even then. As you grow and mature, you will find this happens a lot. Your high school friends will be different than junior high friends and your college friends will be different than your high school ones, and then their all gone and you make a whole new set in adulthood. It's just a function of everyone's maturing and getting interested in different things that old friends might not be interested in, etc. It's really quite rare for someone to have more than one or two close friends as an adult that they knew growing up in school, at least in my experience.

    That all being said, maybe you'll find something else that you all both enjoy and things will get better. It's amazing how life's a roller coaster and sometimes it can get good just as fast or faster than it got bad! Just don't give up on it yet!

  8. #8


    yep agree with everyone. I'm in my second year in college and my group of friends has changed completely since high school. Friends have moved, got married, had children, etc. but you always make new friends. I am a nerd also but when you start to drive and be able to do more things and get into more places it gets easier to meet like minded people I promise. The only friend I still have from high school is my significant other, but other than that all the rest of us just grew apart. It's never easy to lose a close friend, but you will meet more and it will make it bearable.

  9. #9


    I agree with others here as well. After high school years, everyone was pretty much moved on to their own paths of life. Over those years, most of them got married, having kids, travelling etc. Also, I went though the transition, and as expected, not every friend I had accepted me, so I lost some after that. It was bit hard on me but I eventually moved on and it was for the best. I still feel fortunate to have very few friends that I knew since elementary school years (more than 20 years!), despite that we live really far apart, my transition and grew apart, we still do maintain our friendships and keep in touch. This essentially shows who my true friends are after all of this time. We were once very close but not anymore but we still have a friendship between us and that's perfect to me. So I recommend you to keep in touch at least with you friend, so you would have someone that you knew for so long. That's great feeling, I think.

  10. #10


    some good helpful advice in this thread, but i don't think that just because you didn't have much fun with this guy the last time you hung out with him necessarily means that you've "lost" him as a friend. maybe you just need to think of new things to do together. you brought up some interesting questions in your post, so maybe you should bring them up with him as well, and talk about how to have more fun next time you hang out. people change as they grow older but it doesn't mean they can't stay friends if they set their minds to it.

    i say when in doubt, go swimming. it's hard not to have fun with someone when you go swimming together.

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