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Thread: Physical Contact

  1. #1

    Default Physical Contact

    When you are with others and are role playing as both being big or little people, often there is going to be various degree of intimacy between each other. Be it poking, tickling or snuggling. It makes the session a little more meaningful, but at the same time not to over do it and overwhelm anyone and make them uncomfortable.

    I was wondering what are others people's attitudes towards intimacy is?

    For me, I would like to be seen to be very open about it, and general role playing in text on IRC. I find it generally enjoyable , however am much more stern about it when it comes to IRL.

    Generally, I go into safe politically correct mode and try to cause the least offense, and that's by doing nothing. I am very conscious over making other people uncomfortable, as well as giving the wrong messages that I would be bonding more, or fooling myself that that they mean something more than they originally intended.

    I have this awful rejection of being close to anyone, and I generally feel I have and will continue to disappoint and upset a number of people because of this. And I will always feel guilty for that. I do want to be intimate with some one, but always pretend to be too adult and professional, and just don't get personal at all.

    A lot of it involves around being naive and generally very fearful, and doesn't make the experience enjoyable at all. Generally seen as a very insecure person when it comes to dealing with other people beyond the operation.

    That said, I am mostly happy to receive affection. But have really enjoyed it from some people and really found it uncomfortable from others. And I haven't put my finger on as to why, and what makes people different. But That's another reason I don't like to provoke anything, because I might not like it when people try to reciprocate.

  2. #2


    As far as physical intimacy, and I'm really really ashamed to say this so please don't make fun, I think i'm okay with it from certain men, but no women.

    I myself am a woman - well i'm 16 - but for some reason I don't like being hugged/touched/grabbed by girls or women. It really makes me uncomfortable. It might be because I feel like they're judging my body (I have a serious eating disorder and am in a pretty bad phase), but it just makes me uncomfortable.

    That being said, I by no means am okay with physical affection from all men and boys - quite the contrary. I have a large personal space bubble, and i get uncomfortable and nervous twitchy and teary if I get uncomfortable.

    But if it's one of my good friends, or a lover, I'm okay with it. If it's one of my guy friends, I actually CLING to them like they're my big brother and I need physical contact AT ALL TIMES, which really contradicts what I've just said about having a large personal space bubble.

    Let me summarize: I hate hate HATE being touched...unless it's a good bigbrotherlike friend, or my (ex)boyfriend, in which case, I require constant contact/snuggling/armsaroundhimorme/playingwithhands.

  3. #3


    Ever wish your brain came with an operators manual? Could totally make all this less confusing.

    For the record, I'm really uncomfortable with nearly anyone being inside my personal bubble (except for a VERY few people); never did sort what the common link was . . . .

  4. #4


    i feel your pain. i'm like that as well. i dont really like getting close to people (even family), i always try to remain distant, but close enough to be "cool" with them. even when im with my caretaker, i'm a bit catious (even though hes super understanding and really nice). it's just in my nature, when things become to close 9 out of 10 times it ends badly at least in my experiance.

  5. #5


    I have the same.. most people I don't like getting too close to me or touching me even though deep down I really do like it. Because with the right person I'm about as cuddly as it gets. So it's either not at all, or very much.. I don't know where that comes from, I never had any experiences that would turn me away from physical contact (like abuse or something). My best guess sense is that I'm just sensitive to touch

  6. #6


    I'm very similar to you UnMarth, I find it very awkward to just go and hug people a lot of the time, I feel like I'm imposing on them, and might cause offense. I always wait for who ever to make the first move, even people I've snuggled before. Sometimes I can over come it (like at playzone :P) but I still worry that I'll annoy people. I'd love to be a little less awkward about it, more able to initiate physical contact, but I doubt I'll ever over come that apart from in a few case. Having ab/dl friends has certainly made a difference though, it's made me more willing to receive huggles from other people.

    As for being more comfortable receiving hugs and similar from some people and not others, again I know what you mean. I think that's just human nature. Some people I can sit and snuggle for hours at a time, whilst others I don't really want to huggle at all. Just like some people I don't want to talk to, or sleep with.... :P (although wanting to hug someone doesn't mean I want to sleep with them :P the concept is similar in ways).

    I think part of it does come down to a fear of rejection, I'm scared to just hug someone in case they tell me to gtfo, something that would hurt tbh.

    Bleh enough rambling from me I think, I might come back to this thread when I have more coherent thoughts :P.

  7. #7


    I really love cuddling, actually. Unfortunately, you can't just do that with a good friend in real life (except for a very short time, I guess), because people will think it's a sign of sexual attraction... so I don't do that.

    However, I'd imagine that I would be really... cuddly during AB play because of this. But only if I'm sure the other players don't mind.

  8. #8


    Rejection isn't something I am fearful of. Sure it's not pleasant, but I know it's a possibility. Like general misfortunes of life, there will always be that possibility, and I am always knowing that I can end up with a bump or graze, might sting for a little while, but I won't cry about it. But won't ever set myself up so that it can be that catastrophic to end up with breaking bones. When ever something goes wrong socially, I mostly blame myself. Always feeling different action could of been taken to improve the outcome. I generally feel that my own actions can greatly influence outcomes. Which i still believe is true. May not get what you want. But you minimize the social strain over it.

    What I am fearful of is alienating people, and not everyone will give you clues as to that being the case. It may be easier to judge once you know some one well, but it's making the jump from not doing it too soon and not having an idea. Versus waiting late and feeling guilty over the time that I waited. I generally am fearful of getting on the wrong side of people, but I have lost contact with many people because even in the beginning, or somewhere on the track, you step on people's toes whether I realized that was the case or not. And people hide it from you, ignore it, to eventually give up. And generally I hate being felt I am being led on, I generally have a paranoid state, and feel people are out to get me (for good or for worse).

    And I also fear that with my own actions, that sometimes people are reading into them too much. This may not help that people generally reflect how they are being treated is what you think of them. People have their reasons for being nice and sucking up to people. I am generally a very nice person, I would like to continue being like that. I try to look out for people, but only where I can. Don't want to try and act like a hero only to fall on your face and look like a fool. But it's nice knowing you helped some one. I worry about what could of happened if I didn't do/say a certain little thing that could have a bigger effect from a small cause.

    I also have a habit of leading people on, not deceptively, but only to get along with the person in question. And if am successful in going along with them, I always look into new ways to push them and figure out what buttons to press to make people happy. And I worry that people think I am trying to come onto them, or generally start to feel uncomfortable and start rejecting everything that I do to them.

    All in all, it's half to do with how other people read into my projected actions.

  9. #9


    I think most people dislike (not necessarily fear) rejection to some degree - we all want to be liked and loved. If someone rejects me (e.g. someone walks into the room and shakes everyone's hand but yours) it can hurt, but then I just think it's their loss, or they're the one with the problem. I also believe that when meeting people, there will always be some you just 'click' with and physical contact feels natural, as well as others where it can feel awkward just to be in their presence.

    Regarding physical contact itself... well I'm not sure how I feel about it. Like others have said, I love cuddles and affection etc... I just don't receive much at the moment (never have done really), and I also find it awkward when initiating touch. My family and school mates were never into it. Maybe the whole British culture thing of being more reserved has some affect.

    Anyway I'm guessing things would be better when I meet that special someone

  10. #10


    I love the innocence of cuddling and physical contact during regression. It's such a vital link for me. By welcoming someone inside my personal space, I feel like I can open up and feel a mutual acceptance between the people involved. Being held by someone is one of the greatest feelings in the world. It brings on such a strong sense of comfort and compassion, like I'm protected from all the bad things in the world. Even when it's from friends who have no idea about my AB-side, it's a great feeling.

    I've always been a touchy-feely guy, although I keep it appropriate based on the scenario (probably not going to hug strangers on the street or my new boss :P) However, even a few of my friends, who aren't huggers, will accept my embrace, which means a lot. That probably stems from my family being all about the hugs and what not. It's funny, though, because I don't get along AT ALL with my family (except my dad), making them the last people I'd want to be in that sort of contact with. Perhaps that's why I want to hug others so badly.

    However, I'm finding an odd, somewhat unwelcome side-effect of this. As time has passed, I find myself becoming more and more asexual. I find I prefer a non-sexual form of physical contact to a more overtly sexual type. This is really, really putting a strain on the marriage. I am trying to force it, but I just feel no desire for 'that' type of intimacy. I love cuddling with my wife and rubbing her back and such, but anything beyond that...nothing.

    I don't know what it is. Even when I'm not in a 'little' mood, I don't desire it. Maybe I'm just tired of everything being over-sexualized, of every look and touch being interpreted as double-entendre.

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