Hey everyone. I'm 19 years old heading into my second year at college, and I'm finally accepting the side of me that enjoys diapers. I honestly cannot remember for the life of me when or how it started, only that when I was younger, I stole a few diapers from neighbors' houses and tried them on - and although I was embarassed, I really enjoyed the feeling.
I haven't been able to wear them in a while because I'm really embarrassed by my secret, and I can't buy any online without my parents seeing the credit card bills, and I don't want them to ask. I tried running away from this side of me for a while, and it worked briefly, but I can't really fight it any longer.
The person I'm most afraid of finding out (and in that respect, telling) is my girlfriend of one year who is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I did tell her about my other huge secret, which is that I feel like a lesbian in the body of a boy (I enjoy being a guy, but if I had the option to start life over as the other gender, I would - but I'm not attracted to men at all, only women), and she was very accepting of it - she even offered to bring me shopping with her and pick out some clothes for her, but I told her that might be a little too awkward for me since I was just accepting it myself.
I kind of want to tell her about this, but I keep feeling as if it's going to be "too much" for her, and I don't want her to leave. On the flip side, I act like a total boy all the time - I play video games, blues guitar, I skateboard - nothing I do ever tips off these other sides of me, and I feel like that would make it easier to cope with?
I realize this is a lot to read and quite the introduction, but I just needed to come on here to figure out who I really am, what I want, and talk to people who understand exactly how I feel and have probably been in similar situations. It's been nice lurking, and hopefully you guys can help me sort myself out haha.