I would really like to understand this: it's a very serious question.
Let me explain where I'm coming from.
I have never considered myself as such. I've got primary nocturnal enuresis: I never managed to become wholly dry while sleeping. The root cause has never been found, but it seems to be some form of neurological/developmental issue. Possibly it is related to the fact that I have severe ADD (non-hyperactive ADHD) which is in essence also a neurological/developmental issue.
Maybe because it is for me a normal state, I have never felt particularly bad about the bedwetting itself as long as it could be managed. The only thing that I have grown to dislike intensely is the medicalisation of it. Being dragged from doctor to doctor doesn't do your self-esteem a lot of good, especially if deep down you cannot really see what the big issue is.
That doesn't mean that I did not look into all possible options myself as well, after leaving home. But I am now at a point that I'm pretty much ready to stop chasing a possible cure: I spent enough time feeling a medical curiosity. I rather feel like myself, and I think that accepting this issue for once and for all might do me a lot of good.
I've reflected a lot about how I feel about my "problem". Somehow I have always had the impression from other people (parents, doctors, friends) that I should feel bad about my IC problem. But the fact is, that I really never cared that much about it. Probably, as I mentioned, because I have never known any different. They sometimes appealed to a supposed feeling of self-worth or maturity that I would gain, only if I could have this fixed.
And again, I tried to imagine what that would do. Whether I would really feel a lot better about myself if I was dry every night. But I can't: sure, it would be practical.
But it has become so much part of my life that I can hardly imagine it like that.
I have sometimes compared it to menstrual periods. Of course many women dislike the hassle of dealing with that. But when you ask if they would accept it if they were offered a pill that would magically make their periods disappear for once and for all, they think again and almost always say "no". It's part of being a woman, so they would miss it even though it is a bit of a pain sometimes.
That is how I have tried to explain to others why I don't feel as bad about sleep-wetting as they think that I should.
If I have to wear some form of protection because my body disposes of some fluids for a week every month - that's all fine, because it's part of being a woman.
But if have to wear a similar form of protection (albeit a lot larger) at night because my body also happens to dispose some other fluids at night it should be hidden, kept secret and felt awkward about. So then, why can't it be viewed as being part of who I am?
I've had one friend (though no longer) who eventually started to suggest that I actually liked wearing diapers. I thought about that for long, because there is some truth in that. But the way she asked it almost turned it into something bad. And that really shocked me. She even went so far to suggest that it was all part of me being very immature. And again, this really got to me because there is also some truth in that. I didn't know by then that I had ADD, but I was aware that I have been very late compared to other girls - except that I was extremely early in learning to talk and such things. But by the time that the other girls in my class were all going giggly about boys, I was still happily playing children's games. In fact, sometimes I seem not to arrived at that stage altogether.
But of course, I have grown in other respects.
But anyhow, she suggested that I was wilfully "acting like a child" and that was really quite awful. I had never considered myself to act as anything. I was just being myself. I don't think that I am even able to act as something that I'm not.
I don't think that I really act like a child. But I am a lot more simple and naive in how I approach things as most people that I know. I'm a lesbian, but sexually I am very - boring is maybe the best word
And I hate to admit it (especially to the ladies of my soccer team), but I have a sort of pink/cute addiction. I manage to keep that out of how the interior looks, but I am very stubborn about pijamas and undies. I refuse to buy anything that hasn't got some pink in it
-- sorry for the long post, but I'm getting there ...
I'm curious about a couple of things. I said I never considered myself having AB feelings. And that still holds, because I have no desire to act like, or be treated like a baby. But I cannot deny that part of me is definitely very childlike. I am usually a bit reluctant about it because I've got some sense of what's considered acceptable and what not.
If I wear a diaper I do not feel like a baby either. I feel like myself, maybe with a bit more stress on the "child-like" part of me. But I don't act any different.
Is how you feel about the AB/TB part of yourself a bit like I described above, a fundamental part of you?
Or is it more like "acting out" a desire that remains hidden when you are in your daily business?
thanks for reading this far!