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Thread: When and how did your AB/DL tendencies begin?

  1. #1

    Default When and how did your AB/DL tendencies begin?

    Not long after I first found the internet in the mid '90s and realized that I wasn't alone and that I wasn't some sort of freak, I found a psychologist type article about how 'they' thought most of us had our tendencies begin. First, it said that something like 80 or 90% of ABs (they didn't mention TBs, but I don't think they even thought of those back then) are male, and second that they fit generally into one of two categories.

    #1 - They're the oldest in the family and pushed by parents to grow up before they are ready in order to make room for younger siblings who need the extra attention. (This category can also include someone who has much older siblings but there is a large age gap between and then has closer younger siblings like above).
    #2 - They are the youngest in the family and Mom (and/or Dad) isn't ready to let their last baby grow up and so babies them longer than they should. I suppose this could be a little bit older sibling as well if the younger sibling just naturally seemed more grown up so Mom or Dad decided to baby the older one.

    I'm just curious about how accurate this is, if at all. So without being too personal and without using names, I would like to do sort of an informal poll of us. Of course I will tell you my story first.

    The first time I read it, I was thinking I could have written it myself! #1 fits me almost perfectly. The following story is the basic steps that I think led to me being who I am. First, my parents were just kids themselves (19 & 20). Second, I had surgery and nearly died at about 6wks. I only mention these two things because as should be obvious, they led to extra worry, attention, and babying on me. That is until I got over the surgery and my sister was born when I was barely over 15mos old. Second, my Mom says I started waking up with dry diapers at 9 months! This led to her potty training me ASAP, which was at or just before the time my sister was born. Then of course my sister was born and not only was she a baby, but she was a GIRL. This led to ALL the attention on her, and suddenly almost NONE on me. Mom tells me I used to try all kinds of things to get her attention when she'd sit down to try to breastfeed my sister... and when my brother was born 16mos after my sister, I tried to get her to join me in my antics to distract Mom when Mom was with my brother. I'm talking like doing things I knew were wrong, like sticking things in electrical outlets, etc. Things I KNEW would get her attention on me! I think my AB thoughts must have started when my little toddler mind was trying to figure out why in the world my siblings are getting all of MY attention. I think the only difference I could see between them and me is that they were babies and had diapers and breastfeeding and therefore Mommy. Which meant I wanted those things. I can remember in Kindergarten and before wanting to try on diapers to see what they felt like. Then in the summer after Kindergarten youngest sister was born. I was 6, my sister almost 5 and my brother, 3 and half. I have memories all through my childhood of wanting to wear diapers, but never having the courage to talk about it. My brother did catch me once when I was around 11 or so and he was 8, with a pair of plastic pants on under my clothes, but he just laughed at me. By the time I hit puberty it was so engrained I think it was just natural that it became a sexual fetish as well, but as you can see, for me, it's way deeper than that. Anyway that's my story. Do you fit into either category or none at all?

    ---------- Post added at 07:49 ---------- Previous post was at 05:27 ----------

    BTW, I don't expect everyone to lay out their entire story like I did, but a vote for 1, 2, or other would help us decide if the good doctor's theory holds any water.

  2. #2


    Ah, quite an interesting topic indeed. It's one that comes up fairly often here, but still fun to discuss, nonetheless. While I find the only two options a significant over-generalization of the reasons for people to become ABDL, I'll go ahead and give myself an analysis with this approach.

    For me, I fit into the #1 option much better. I'm actually the third born in my family. My sister is about 6 years older, and my older brother is about 2 years older. Since I was born with a neurological disability and a lot of anxieties, including separation anxiety, I needed a ton of attention, as my therapist even communicated at the time.

    When I was 3.5 years old, my little brother was born. At that exact same time, I was getting ready for pre-school. As is very common in children with SPD and autism, I wasn't potty trained yet, but I needed to be in time for pre-school. So, just as my baby brother was coming in and getting all the attention (and the diapers), I was forced out of being able to wear and felt as though I was being 'shuttled off' out of the house and away from her attention. This never really set right with me, I guess.

    I would try to get my hands on diapers at first, wanting the feeling back, but having my older siblings laugh at me for catching me with them didn't help any. Eventually, my little brother ended up having a bedwetting issue that lasted for years, and I was sharing the bedroom still with him. Even though I told myself I was happy to not have the problem and didn't want to wear them, I would fantasize and dream about being able to wear again. I would soon hit puberty, and from that point, the dreams began to become sexually arousing. I finally started getting diapers regularly by the time I was 20, and I wear them to bed every night.

    So yes, I feel I was the older sibling who felt as though he wasn't getting enough attention after my little brother was born. Had I been held back from pre-school and potty training for another year or so, would it have helped? Possibly, but that time is long gone, and any psychological ramifications that came from it are fairly intrenched. As to whether or not I would still choose to wear diapers to bed each night if I finally had emotional security, I'm not sure. I do know for now, though, that I am better off for wearing diapers regularly at this point than I would be if I just continued to ignore and push aside my desires without even receiving outside support.

    It's an interesting and somewhat favorite topic of mine indeed.

  3. #3


    From my part I think that there is another cathegory at least, when I was a 3y.o. kid my mother left me and I was raised by my grand-mother, my mother as always been too busy with her own pleasure to take care of anyone else... I developped my addiction to diapers and also bdsm very young (11-12) maybe because I needed her to take care of me. I get pleasure with humiliation also, why? I guess I felt it was my fault if she left me... To survive you have to find pleasure in suffering sometimes...

  4. #4


    I'm an only child, and I pretty much potty trained normally, the only possible affecting thing was what was happening when I was doing it. When I was around 2 or three, all of the sudden my family started to self destruct. My great-grandfather, grandmother and two uncles died while I was ages 2-4, and the domestic violence and eventual separation between my parents also happened. So I've been ABDL pretty much as long as I can remember. I remember finding a bunch of Pull-Ups in my closet, playing with diapers with a friend while at her house (They were her little brother's). In first grade, I remember our teacher read us a story about a man who liked to play with little children's toys and then got turned into an infant (would link you to it, but can't find the precise one)
    And then I was in an abusive household for a couple of years.So, yeah not quite sure where I fit into all this. But it's a life-long thing.

  5. #5


    I'm a little like chickendinner... only child, and my family fell apart when I was a toddler. My mother's later life wasn't fun for me, her second husband was the most repressed person I've ever known and after she married him she really started to pick up his attitudes and treat me badly for having needs and feelings. She wanted someone to cope for her and since my stepfather wouldn't, the job fell to me, even though I was eight at the time.

  6. #6


    i m an only child too, My parents divorced when I was 2-3 yo, it seems like it is something that happens often to abdl people... Abandon too...

  7. #7


    I am from a relatively normal nuclear family except everyone has some kind of neurosis, btw my tendencies started in my teens but i did not act on them until i was 22 i am now 26.

  8. #8


    I kinda figured it wouldn't be as simple as the good Doctor that wrote the article assumed, and I'm sure psychologist' thinking as changed a lot since then. There are as many stories as there are people.

    However, while reading your posts, I did notice there does seem to be one similarity between a very high percentage of us. It seems that most of us started out with a relatively 'secure' world as babies with our mothers, fathers, or caretakers (i.e. grandparents or whatever) being the center of it, and then there was something during those first 4 or so critical years that interrupted that security and caused us to place it (in other words, to cope with it) with the only thing that seemed to our little toddler minds not to change in our life. The only thing we could ALWAYS count on! ...And that, of course was our baby things. Whether a blankie, paci, plushie, diapers, or a combination. They are always there and never change.

    What happened after that depends on the person. I think some of us stayed using the baby things more or less our entire lives and some learned other coping mechanisms and the 'baby' stuff kind of went to a sort of subconscious area of our minds only to be brought back out again later in life, usually as a teenager, by some other major event. This 'second' awaking I think is the one most usually remember and think of as the catalyst for their AB feelings. I think this is probably because it's the first thing about our AB sides we were old enough to remember clearly, but my theory is it never really starts as a teen or adult. It seems to me it would take more than just a commercial or one time being forced to wear diapers by bullies as a teen or going as a baby on Halloween or whatever to make this as strong as it is in us. I don't think a so called 'normal' teen or adult would ever even think about wanting to use a diaper or baby things again after an event like this unless there was already something in the back of their mind pushing them in that direction.

  9. #9


    There has to be at least one other category because I don't fit in either of them, and I still have these tendencies.

    Im the youngest of two, but this didn't lead to more babying at all. Both my parents worked full time anyway, so there wouldn't be time for that. Instead, having been trough it before I think my parents were more confident or something, cause I remember having a lot of freedom growing up. It went both ways, I wasn't under a lot of pressure to 'grow up' or being kept down in anyway. So there is really nothing in my family life that I could blame for it. It has everything to do with me wetting the bed into my teens (which again was never turned into a problem the washing machine couldn't fix). At first I didn't consider it as a problem, but growing older I started to be more aware of it and of course felt ashamed about it. I think that's what put me on the path of diapers, but the basic interest in 'that kinda thing' was always there I guess. I've always had a fascination with stuff people would wear involuntarily, like orthodontics or diapers, but isn't really restrictive or anything, just a little uncomfortable. In the end the attraction to diapers stayed and the rest kind of faded, altough I still think girls with braces are incredibly cute, hihi. But I think that you're born with a predispostion for it, and then life sorta dictates what it will focus on. I was a bedwetter, so...

    That's not to say those two categories don't sound very plausible as well.

  10. #10


    Deep topic, but I'll give it a go...

    Firstly, I'm not #1 or #2 as I had an older sister, but I don't remember either of us receiving special attention. In fact, my mother was always there for me. Unfortunately though, my mother had emotionally cold and controlling parents, and I think that it messed her up enough that she now struggles with showing love; I don't remember ever receiving much affection. I think I was toilet trained ok, but around the age of 4-5, the cracks started appearing in my parents' marriage. They would argue a lot, and by the time I hit my teens, she was already cheating on my dad.

    Up until that point, I had vague dreams of being a baby again - in my old bathroom lying on the changing mat, with older women taking care of me and feeling warm emotions. I also remember dreams of wanting to find my plastic pants that my mum had hidden away. (This was all subconscious though, I never consciously thought about wearing nappies until late teens).

    I was 14 when my parents split and divorced, but I didn't think much of it at the time (they were never that close). I still slept with my cuddly toys until then as well. Throughout my teens, my sexual development wasn't normal - I was into urophilia long before I discovered masturbation (age 17). I remember wetting my bed on purpose one night thinking that by morning, my mum would find out and decide to put me back in nappies (I ended up regretting it though, quickly changed the sheets and used a whole can of deodorant to hide it!). It must have been shortly afterwards that I stumbled upon ABDL porn sites, which instantly triggered all sorts of interesting feelings (wow there is actually a fetish for this!).

    Eventually, having moved out at 21, I felt I had enough privacy to purchase some adult nappies for myself. For the next 2 years I was a DL on and off, but then over the last few months I started having strong urges to regress as an AB. Following a lengthy battle of denial and acceptance, I gave in, purchased numerous baby items, and embraced it. I'm now at a happy stage in my life

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