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Thread: Telling girlfriend

  1. #1

    Question Telling girlfriend

    Ok, I have already technically told her I wear, but I wasn't very specific. All I told her was that I like baby stuff as a fetish. This was told over a text message several months ago. She was accepting but kinda told me it would be awkward for her.

    We have been dating for over a year in a half now, and I want to talk to her more about it. However, our relationship right now is pretty strong, and I don't want to rock the boat. If I had to guess she would be understanding but there are some lines that just shouldn't be crossed. Is this one of those lines?

  2. #2
    fouts

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    when i told my girlfriend about my likeing to wear diapers she was interested but told me that she did want me to give up something i liked doing but if your not sur than i wouldnt do it if you have to qustion it then dont do it

  3. #3

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    Think of it like this. Is this a relationship that's just some shits and giggles? As in, you're having fun now but don't reasonably expect it to last past a certain point? If so, do what you want. I don't think it matters too much. Do you think, on the other hand, that this could be a much-longer term relationship than it's been already? If so, pick a good time and come clean. Stay in the relationship long enough, and she will find you out. It's much better that it happen on your terms than by shit luck. If this is something you think she might leave you over, then you have the responsibility to give her the opportunity to make the choice to walk away. A year and a half is, I think, long enough to know how much another person means to you. If she's going to leave you over this now, then she's going to leave you over it a year, two years, or more from now. Doing it now will make that process much easier on both of you. Meanwhile, what if she actually can deal with it? By keeping the secret longer (again, try to keep this a secret forever, and you will fail), you seriously raise the specter of trust issues later on. I love my fiancee immensely. But say she has some secret that she finds horribly embarrassing and finally tells me tomorrow. Maybe I can deal with it, maybe I can't. But either way I'm extremely upset that through 6+ years of dating she didn't trust me until now. Of course, you haven't been in your relationship as long as I've been in mine, but the same logic applies- you just aren't in as deep as I'd be if I hadn't told.

    Moreover, you don't want to be in a permanent relationship if you need to sneak around or can't use diapers. I don't think there's anyone here who's doing that and happy. If she'd leave you over this, you seriously need to consider that she might not be the one. IMO, move on now and not later.

    Of course, this isn't to say you should tell a partner immediately into the relationship. I'd be a bit freaked out if I started dating a girl and on the second date, she told me all her weird sexual interests (even though that would be awesome). But I think when we get serious in a relationship, we owe it to our partners to let them know any baggage we come with that they're taking along with us.

    Say that she had some horrible skeleton in her closet that you wouldn't be able to deal with. Maybe she's a white supremacist. Wouldn't you want to know that now? Now I'm not saying that she is or that liking diapers is in any way like racism. I'm just trying to come up with something I assume would evoke the same feelings in you that you're obviously worried she'll feel when you come out to her.
    Last edited by AEsahaettr; 28-May-2011 at 11:54.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by NightFox View Post
    Think of it like this. Is this a relationship that's just some shits and giggles? As in, you're having fun now but don't reasonably expect it to last past a certain point? If so, do what you want. I don't think it matters too much. Do you think, on the other hand, that this could be a much-longer term relationship than it's been already? If so, pick a good time and come clean. Stay in the relationship long enough, and she will find you out. It's much better that it happen on your terms than by shit luck. If this is something you think she might leave you over, then you have the responsibility to give her the opportunity to make the choice to walk away. A year and a half is, I think, long enough to know how much another person means to you. If she's going to leave you over this now, then she's going to leave you over it a year, two years, or more from now. Doing it now will make that process much easier on both of you. Meanwhile, what if she actually can deal with it? By keeping the secret longer (again, try to keep this a secret forever, and you will fail), you seriously raise the specter of trust issues later on. I love my fiancee immensely. But say she has some secret that she finds horribly embarrassing and finally tells me tomorrow. Maybe I can deal with it, maybe I can't. But either way I'm extremely upset that through 6+ years of dating she didn't trust me until now. Of course, you haven't been in your relationship as long as I've been in mine, but the same logic applies- you just aren't in as deep as I'd be if I hadn't told.

    Moreover, you don't want to be in a permanent relationship if you need to sneak around or can't use diapers. I don't think there's anyone here who's doing that and happy. If she'd leave you over this, you seriously need to consider that she might not be the one. IMO, move on now and not later.

    Of course, this isn't to say you should tell a partner immediately into the relationship. I'd be a bit freaked out if I started dating a girl and on the second date, she told me all her weird sexual interests (even though that would be awesome). But I think when we get serious in a relationship, we owe it to our partners to let them know any baggage we come with that they're taking along with us.

    Say that she had some horrible skeleton in her closet that you wouldn't be able to deal with. Maybe she's a white supremacist. Wouldn't you want to know that now? Now I'm not saying that she is or that liking diapers is in any way like racism. I'm just trying to come up with something I assume would evoke the same feelings in you that you're obviously worried she'll feel when you come out to her.
    QFT. If you are going to be with her for a long time, you owe it to her to tell her sooner than later - the longer you keep a secret, the greater the chance she will be hurt if she thinks you were hiding it from her. Give her the chance to process it and decide whether she can accept and live with it. But, don't expect anything from her other than a sensible discussion; it's a big thing, and she could respond in many different ways. As NF said, if she doesn't handle it well, then chances are she's not the one for you - we all deserve to be happy, and sometimes it means losing something you love because it just isn't going to work out feasible in the long term.

    If it was a case of her not liking you picking your nose, or an equivalent habit that can probably be broken or tolerated, one of you will easily compromise (or she might never feel the need to bring it up). That said, ABDL is lifelong, and it's not worth making yourself feel bad by oppressing it forever.

    I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose.
    Last edited by eeyore; 28-May-2011 at 12:54.

  5. #5

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    Also FYI- if you're in high school, I change my answer to "don't tell her unless you're positive she'll be cool about it." But since this is in the Adult Baby board, I'm assuming that you're 18+.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by NightFox View Post
    Also FYI- if you're in high school, I change my answer to "don't tell her unless you're positive she'll be cool about it." But since this is in the Adult Baby board, I'm assuming that you're 18+.
    Yes, otherwise it would be in the Teen Baby board.

  7. #7

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    I have been on two completely opposite ways of handling this. The first was my marriage and I didn't tell my wife until we were six months into it and expecting a child. My wife did not accept this part of me and although we tried to make things work the marriage failed, a big part of it due to me being a DL. In my second attempt I met someone online and mentioned that I had a fetish so it was discussed before we ever met in person.

    I completely agree with eeyore that this is lifelong, so you really should tell any significant other sooner rather than later.

    Unfortunately, there isn't a simple rule on how or when to tell someone. I have provided two extremes on how it might be handled, but it will vary for every couple.

    babyinside, this is NOT a line that should not be crossed. Sorry about the double negative here, but you will always need to cross this line with a significant other. This is part of who you are.

    We, as the ABDL, should never fault a partner for their response. As long as you are honest and they are honest in return, that's all any of us can ask. I suspect it is ultimately just a roll of the dice. I hope the odds are on your side. Good luck.

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