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Thread: Do you think I have a chance at this?

  1. #1

    Default Do you think I have a chance at this?

    Ok I know you guys probably don't like relationship threads a whole lot, but I need some hope in me, because I don't want to lose it, and this is where I come to be happy. My bf of nearly two years broke up with me last night, it kind of went bad at first, but he stayed nearly the whole night talking to me about how things would be better for us, and we'd be much happier later, and we'd be able to make better people out of ourselves, and how much he still cared about me. He told me that maybe there was a chance sometime in the distant future where he would want to be with me again, and he held me until I fell asleep in his arms, and left at some point after that. This morning I woke up and his favorite jacket was wrapped around me. Anyway we're still the best of friends, and we've always been the best of friends, ever since I met him since my freshman year in high school. (It's now near the end of my freshman year in college) The thing is if I even have another chance with him sometime in the future, I don't want to blow it. What can I do to keep my chances high, and do you guys think I even have a chance?

  2. #2


    Before I give any advice, I'll tell you the story of my last breakup...

    I was with the girl for about 6 months, and in that time I had grown to love her. One day, out of the blue, she broke up with me; citing a need to be alone, not being ready for anything too long term, I was too nice and she thought she'd hurt me by staying with me. We didn't talk too much about it, but she stayed in regular contact with me after the breakup.

    In this time, she told me that in the future if we were both single we had a chance of working again. She also said that she could see me as the person she'd eventually settle down with. But within 3 weeks of the breakup, she was back with an ex. I stayed in contact, hoping she'd see the error of the ways and come back to me. Instead, I ended up as a "friend" she'd moan about her boyfriend to. I was hanging on her every word, hoping for a hint there was trouble, and she'd break up and want me.

    It emotionally destroyed me, knowing this girl was dating someone else - but I wouldn't give up on the hope that she'd take me back...

    Eventually, I met my current girlfriend. I slowly lost contact with my ex, and now we hardly speak at all. That said, I know that within a week of breaking up with her boyfriend, she was dating someone else. I know she had commitment issues, but having seen how she is with men in general, I'm now glad she broke up with me. I'm now dating my perfect woman - but it wasn't until I emotionally accepted the breakup that I could move on and find someone better for me.

    So how does this relate to what you're going through? After a breakup, especially a long-term relationship, you both need to spend time developing as individuals - right now, something between you hasn't been working. Until that changes, even if you got back together, the issue would probably arise again. So right now, you need to process the breakup as best as you can - be it through tears, through friends, anything that allows you to accept and start to heal.

    The thing is, if you hang around waiting for him to *maybe* take you back, you will stand a chance of missing out on life. It's a big wound that he's left you with, but the more time you spend trying to get back, the worse the wound will get. In fact, imagine the healing process as putting stitches in a wound - over time, the wound heals and the stitches have done their job. The more contact you have with him in a *romantic* way - that is, you trying to get him to be romantic with you - you will just break all the stitches and open the wound all over again.

    I don't know if this is what you were looking for, or if you just wanted someone to tell you to keep trying to get him back? If the latter, I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.

    That said, *massive hugs* and I hope you are strong enough to cope with whatever you choose to do.
    Last edited by eeyore; 18-May-2011 at 15:07. Reason: Random word at the bottom of the post...

  3. #3


    Things can go right and things can go wrong sometimes being friends is better than being in a relationship and I'm completely sorry for what happened. I've been there before but sadly I do not learn from my mistakes... I've been with my guy for 7 years on and off... every break up was the same excuse "oh i just need time." He would always come back, but i'm always worried when is the next break up when is he going to get tired of me again. Every time we get back together yes the relationship gets better, but i still worry about when i'm going to be heart broken again. Don't get me wrong I love my boyfriend to death, but I'm always stuck wondering what I've missed because i waited on him. I'd say find a way to cope if in that time you find someone new that you extremely care about go for it. Don't wait around because you might be waiting forever. I do hope everything works out the way you want it though

  4. #4


    Whilst I can understand that you may be feeling a lot for your ex with your recent break up. I think hanging onto the hope that you will join up soon is only one going to give you a lot of heart ache as eeyore says. You would be better off spending the next couple of weeks just cooling off and just seem him as a regular friend rather than a lover still. You can always spring that back up if you both ever cross that path. But just don't hold onto that. Because you will only end up feeling awful over disappointment and not enjoying all the other opportunities to enjoy yourself.

    This doesn't strictly mean dating anyone else, but people behave oddly when they are looking/seeing into anyone. And you're decisions could be heavily biased on that. Which would cause you all the heartache to realise all that effort has gone to waste when you don't get the results you get.

    In the long run, it will be better for you to try and move on. There is nothing stopping you in the future from getting back if/when you want to. But just don't hold onto that forever.

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