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Thread: I need to vent a bit...

  1. #1

    Unhappy I need to vent a bit...

    ... I'd like to apologize beforehand if any of you feel you have wasted your time reading this post as I understand I sometimes come across as being overly dramatic. It's just I can't STAND what's happening to me atm.

    To paraphrase a long story, bascially I like a girl who I THOUGHT liked me, but it turns out she has a boyfriend. Now she keeps acting really weird around me.

    Simply put, I feel like I'm being played. I feel like I'm attached to a yo-yo that she can just use as she pleases. She's not a mean person at all, but I haven't known her long enough to determine whether she's really as manipulative as I believe or not.

    She acts like she really likes me and enjoys being around me but I feel like she's just doing it for the attention because I jealously notice her giving other guys similar attention as well. Note that I met her in drama club and she always says she's a really good actress (which she is) but I can't determine how much of that is me being paranoid and me being love drunk.

    I know I'm not giving you guys the full story and I know there's not a whole lot of advice you can give me that I haven't already heard. It's just that it hurts so much to finally find a girl who is so damn unique compared to all the other girls I've met in my short life just to have her play these F***ING games with me.

    I usually don't allow myself to get close to a girl because I've been played before but this girl is so damn good at what she does, it just feels like my hearts being ripped out of my chest and stepped on for her amusement. It's affecting my schoolwork and my life because every time I think about it it just makes me wanna break down and cry and she's ALWAYS on my mind!

    Like I said, I'm sorry if this sounds like typical teenage hormones from another kid who feels like he found love but was sadly mistaken. But I'm just such an emotional wreck over this AMAZING girl and I just keep chasing this dream of a girl I obviously can't have.

    God I'm so f***ing stupid... Why do I allow myself to get into this crap...

  2. #2

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    I'm going to have to generalise here - so no offence meant to our female members!

    But, a lot of girls, especially the emotionally charged/drama types, love to get attention from guys. Even when they are taken, they like to keep a string of "followers" that will affirm their beliefs that they are beautiful/sexy/perfect - nice little ego boost for them.

    The only thing I would question is - did she ever do more than flirting with you? Did she even flirt with you? Is it possible she just has a flirty or friendly nature that you misread? Just I know that when I was your age, the teenage boy's mind has a habit of overthinking a lot of things...

    *hugs*

    eeyore

  3. #3

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    I feel your pain, and by the way, it's okay to vent. We are a support group for all kinds of problems. Yes, my experience from the past has been that girls will do this. It may bring some attention toward them, but sometimes it's just an individual's personality. I had girls hit on me when I was in high school even when they knew I was going steady with another girl. It's all in the gamesmanship.

    I have been madly in love with those who could not love me back the way I loved them. It does hurt, and there's little you can do about it. Eventually I had to distance myself from one individual. I had tried to drown myself over him. It was a him in this case; the joys of being bi. He was the most amazing, and the most beautiful boy I had ever met, and will probably ever meet in my lifetime. I still have pictures of him. These pains go deep to the bone, and they can heal with scars. It's part of life and who we are as humans. In my heart I truly believe it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. These pains make us stronger, and perhaps they make us more caring.

    Hugs my friend. Pain is so damn universal.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by eeyore View Post
    I'm going to have to generalise here - so no offence meant to our female members!

    But, a lot of girls, especially the emotionally charged/drama types, love to get attention from guys. Even when they are taken, they like to keep a string of "followers" that will affirm their beliefs that they are beautiful/sexy/perfect - nice little ego boost for them.

    eeyore
    *Taken offence*

    I'm going to interject here with a girls opinion and say that it is possible that you have mis-read the situation as you have such strong feelings for her it seems you've assumed she has feelings for you aswell. To explain;

    a) 'I feel like she's just doing it for the attention because I jealously notice her giving other guys similar attention as well' - Do you really think she is flirting with all these guys, or is it that, more likely, she has a large personality and is just being nice to everyone. Smiling and laughing and goofing around with a member of the opposite sex does not always mean that you want to sleep/flirt/have sex with them. That is most likely the angle she is coming from.

    b) 'To paraphrase a long story, bascially I like a girl who I THOUGHT liked me, but it turns out she has a boyfriend.' Is most of this anger at her infact just mis-directed anger because you are p*ssed off that someone got there first? Or are you annoyed at yourself for falling for her when she wasn't available and this is why you are so angry?

    c) 'Now she keeps acting really weird around me.' Are you making it plainly obvious that you are jealous of the attention she gives other guys? Because, just to let you know, getting glared at because you have other friends isn't really fair.

    I can understand what some men are saying here as yes, there are those girls who love the attention and drama but I also think you are missing the bigger picture which is, How are YOU responding to this situation? By the sounds of it, not well!

    The best thing you can do is simply cut and run. I'm not saying quit the drama club or anything, but what I am saying is stop fantacising that you will suddenly get with her and that everything will work out, as it sounds like your friendship isn't even on solid ground anymore. I say focus on other area's of your life that do not involve her, as brooding over someone un-attainable is not healthy.

    You need to live your life. You are young, and trust me, there are plenty more girls like her and you'll realise that once you move on; whether that means going to uni/collage or moving town or even just joining a different club. Don't let her ruin your life, especially not your schooling as you will regret it so much in years to come and some things, like bad grades, will effect your whole life, and often with these things you don't get a second chance.

    Focus on you - go out with friends, spend time with family, get a hobby, whatever, just don't dwell on her; she will be one of many, just wait and see.

    I hope things get better for you soon.

    xxxx

  5. #5

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    It sounds like "typical teenage hormones" likely because that's what it is Nothing wrong with that. (And if it feels any better, the behavior that people chalk up to "teenage hormones" is something that many if not most people carry with them for the rest of their lives. In my experience with people, most don't tend to be that different than they were in high school.)

    Anyhow, heeding most of what Littleabgirl said would probably not be a bad idea.

    I'd say have a bit of self-reflection. Why do you think she's all that anyway? How is she "unique" and "amazing"? The fact that she has a boyfriend would be about as clear an indication as you're going to get that she's not interested in you enough to be in an exclusive relationship with you. I bet if you stopped fixating on this girl, you'd find there are plenty of amazing females out there. I know "there are plenty of fish in the sea" is not something we like to hear... and trust me, it'd be hypocritical for me to throw that out at you... but you say you haven't even known her long enough to decide whether she's a manipulative person or not.

    It sounds like you've decided she is what you want (which is fine) without having any real reason for making that decision (which is IMO less fine).

    As far as eeyore's comment, there are indeed plenty of people like what he describes. I wouldn't say it's a feminine trait however nor would I say "over thinking" relationships is a typical male trait (in fact most females I know would laugh at that thought). Rather there are many people of both genders that do both those things. I would say eeyore or Littleabgirl are equally likely to be correct in their theories given the limited information you've made available.

    Good luck on dealing with it though. Unrequited love/infatuation/whatever is always a pain in the ass

  6. #6

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    the teenage boy's mind has a habit of overthinking a lot of things...
    Most definitely. I tend to do this way more than I like and it irritates the hell out of me because I feel like I have no real control over it.



    I have been madly in love with those who could not love me back the way I loved them. It does hurt, and there's little you can do about it.
    Sadly I wholeheartedly agree with you, but like my former reply, I just feel so helpless when it comes to these emotions, I wish i could just scream/cry and make them all go away!



    Eventually I had to distance myself from one individual. I had tried to drown myself over him. It was a him in this case; the joys of being bi. He was the most amazing, and the most beautiful boy I had ever met, and will probably ever meet in my lifetime.
    Omg, that sounds EXACTLY like a boy I liked 2 years ago. The worst part was he was in my math class again the year after i had an awkward encounter with him (needless to say he didn't feel the same as me.) and I still see him around school all the time which makes me want to disappear and forget that whole thing ever even happened. Luckily he has't pressed the issue nor outted me to the whole school.



    In my heart I truly believe it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. These pains make us stronger, and perhaps they make us more caring.
    Dogboy, my friend, much like myself you truly have the heart and soul of a hopeless romantic. I definitely appreciate the advice



    Do you really think she is flirting with all these guys, or is it that, more likely, she has a large personality and is just being nice to everyone.
    More likely it's the latter, but from the perspective of a boy who rarely gets female attention that isn't undoubtedly considered a friendship, the flirty types come across as, well, FLIRTY! I know I'm young and inexperienced but dang.



    Is most of this anger at her infact just mis-directed anger because you are p*ssed off that someone got there first? Or are you annoyed at yourself for falling for her when she wasn't available and this is why you are so angry?
    Well it's quite obviously misdirected anger due to jealousy and I am EXTREMLY angry at myself for allowing myself to fall for a girl who was already taken. It's just I keep beating myself up over it because I feel so ignorant to the whole situation and that hurts the most. I don't like feeling like a fool, and especially over a girl who I had not only my eyes set upon, but my heart as well.



    Are you making it plainly obvious that you are jealous of the attention she gives other guys?
    Absolutely not. I never broach the subject with her because I feel it's unfair considering we are not actually dating. Now granted i tend to walk away sometimes when she's so wrapped up in another guy that she forgets I'm there, but I never shoot her glares or make her feel bad about the situation.



    How are YOU responding to this situation? By the sounds of it, not well!
    Yeah, I understand this. It's just I feel so stupid for allowing myself to act this way. I want to have control but I feel so emotionally wild that it's just irritating.



    You need to live your life. You are young, and trust me, there are plenty more girls like her and you'll realise that once you move on; whether that means going to uni/collage or moving town or even just joining a different club. Don't let her ruin your life, especially not your schooling as you will regret it so much in years to come and some things, like bad grades, will effect your whole life, and often with these things you don't get a second chance.

    Focus on you - go out with friends, spend time with family, get a hobby, whatever, just don't dwell on her; she will be one of many, just wait and see.
    I've told myself many of the same things but once again it's just so INFURIATING to not be able to have control over my emotions. I do appreciate the advice though. It really helped.


    Thank you all for putting this into another perspective. I appreciate the condolences and advice, and ESPECIALLY the virtual hugs lol. It's weird how just typing something like that can help make someone feel better.

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