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Thread: I don't like myself for being this way

  1. #1

    Default I don't like myself for being this way

    As the tittle kinda tells, I don't like being a dl. Sometimes I hate being one. I know it's somewhat forbidden to say such things here, but heck, I can't hide it! I hate myself for liking diapers. I feel like a freak. I get reminded of that every time I see a baby or a diaper commercial.

    Sure, I guess it's unique, but I think one can be unique without having to love diapers or having other fetish. If not, then maybe being normal is great.

    So, yeah, that's about it. I'm pretty much like Gollum. I love and hate diapers.

  2. #2


    It's not forbidden to say that you don't like yourself for liking diapers on here. In fact, I think a lot of us at some point hated ourselves for our somewhat weird desire.

    You are not a freak, you just have an attraction to diapers where other people may fancy feet or leather or whatever else. It's just unlucky that there's such a stigma attached to diapers.

    Hating yourself isn't a good state of mind to be in and whilst you may want that your feelings for diapers go away I do not think that'll happen, it'll probably be a part of you for the rest of your life.

    Can you be more specific about the source of the hate? As in, have you not fully accepted the fact that you like diapers, is it because you have to hide this part of your life or how it makes your life more complicated than you like? (or I guess a combination of those)

  3. #3


    Hey man, you are not a freak. There r lots of ppl here like that, it's really just a harmless fetish.

  4. #4


    I can totally relate to you on this one. I often think life would be a lot easier for me and future partners if I wasn't into this. I just wish I was a "vanilla" person, or even into BDSM (seeing that's gotten more mainstream). I used to really beat myself about being ABDL when I was with my last boyfriend, because he didn't know about it. I felt like I was emotionally cheating on him (which I was).

    Now that we've broken up, I have really taken some time for myself to explore this world and indulge in my fantasies and reach out to others in the community. I'm part of three different online communities and have actually met 2 ABDL's in person (in a safe context of course). After meeting those folks, just made me feel that much more "normal" or less "weird" I suppose you could say...

    I'm not totally accepting of it yet, but I am learning more and more about myself and this curiosity of mine. Like others have said, this kind of pre-occupation does not go away. Like ever. So I guess the best way to go about it is just finding out what it means to you and how to live with it if you can't be accepting of if it.

    I hope my rambling has given some insight...? If not, it's just been a cathartic experience for me.

  5. #5


    Sometimes the entire idea of *b/dl seems like a joke to me.

  6. #6


    I am going to have to agree.

    Sometimes a wave of disgust hits me as I think on what I actually am.

  7. #7


    most people feel that way sometimes, and i think it's natural to feel conflicted about having a weird fetish like this. it's best to remember, though, that hating yourself isn't a very healthy way to live your life. being as how you're mostly likely going to keep on liking diapers for your whole life, i hope you can come to accept yourself better someday. being an ABDL doesn't have to be such a big deal, really -- there are plenty of perfectly normal well-adjusted people on this site living happy lives who happen to have an interest in diapers.

  8. #8


    Sounds like a typical case of the binge-and-purge cycle to me. The public may not be all that accepting of the fetish, but the majority of the world is pretty close-minded about things in general. Diapers are nothing but another kind of underwear that happen to have another convenient function if you look at things from an unbiased perspective. As long as you're not intending to let anyone else see this part of you, you're the only one who needs to accept it. Well, you might want to tell a partner, but in that case, make sure she's not a hysterical vanilla girl, then go about things carefully by building up to it slowly and making her tell you her own kinks before bringing it up, having a few rational arguments as a back-up in case she overreacts, and don't push your luck by indulging in it too much even if she accepts it.

  9. #9


    Amon, I can imagine very well what you feel. When I was younger I threw everything away a couple of times, just to get rid of my 'weird' fetish and to try out without it. This did not bring me any good: I found out that being a DL gives a kind of 'diaper need' to be able to totally relax myself from time to time. For me it functions like a 'stress relief'. But -to be honest- I am lucky. I live in a rather big city in The Netherlands. You don't have to fit in a small community here: You can live your life anonymously if you like. (However, we have a lot of friends, but they don't know anything about my little secret) Depending on your age I can imagine that you can get frustrated from time 2 time: No easy way to get diapers and so, no trustworthy person(s) around you to talk about the subject in 'real life', no place around you to exploit your 'hobby' due to your situation at home to mention the least. I all had the same problems when I was young starting in my 20's. Before I dared to get diapers I experimented with plastic bags, towels, sport shorts, and numerous other things. Also at home with a very disciplined father. (Wew, if he ever found out...) In my past being a DL was a very very lonely life. But this time is a wonderful time: We got the worldwide web.

    Anyway, take care and see this hobby as part of your very creative mind. It has ups and downs. I believe you got to have a creative mind being a ABDL. You are an 'out of the box' thinker. Try to exploit that. My creative mind brought me fortune: Our house has been paid and we don't need 40h work per week no more. And I am not even 50! ;-) This was due to hard work, but especially a very open creative mind. Hopefully this will bring you fortune as well as it did to me.

  10. #10


    hey man in truth i used to feel just like you i was afraid i was some type of freak but i kept running and soon found my self back into it over and over again all for about 8 years now till finally i just gave in i figure at least this fetish cant kill u.

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