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Thread: Could I be....?

  1. #1

    Default Could I be....?

    I've been wondering lately... if I could be asexual, as opposed to hetero-/homo-/bi-sexual. I look at women that guys say (with much more openness that I would prefer) that they get wildly aroused, but I feel nothing. I have never felt any particular attraction to any member of either gender.... I know I'm 17. I was just... thinking. I was wondering what everyone else thinks. I doubt that I could be very objective about this. Could it just be me going through adolescence, and all of the changes and confusion involved? I could just be jumping to a hasty conclusion... but I just don't know....

  2. #2


    I know how you feel, but I think that doesnīt mean anything. Just because you donīt think about sex whenever you see a pretty woman (or man), you donīt have to be asexual. And if you are: Thatīs really nothing to worry about. If you donīt like the idea of a sexual relationship with someone else, thereīs no reason to force yourself to do something you donīt want to do. So, however: Just donīt think about it that much, you still have some time left to find out what seems right to you...right? :-D

  3. #3


    Go with the flow?

    We can't really say "you, you're asexual", but if you're not into having relations with another person, then don't. It seems pretty simple to me.

  4. #4


    It is something simple, I guess... but I just couldn't help but wonder about it. Wonder if others had thought like this, only to find it was their adolescent mind playing tricks on them, or something to that effect... But Zephy is right. I probably should just go with it..

  5. #5


    It's normal to wonder and figure out who you are really. Take much time you need to think/figure it out...if you aren't attracted to either gender, no big deal. I knew few people who are like this, and they consider themselves asexual and just leave to that. Some people changing their orientation over the time and eventually everyone will find what they want to be.

  6. #6


    You have no idea how much I sympathize with you, Dann.

    For a long time I have wondered if I'm asexual. I feel absolutely nothing towards boys or girls who are considered "attractive" by those drawn to them. I've been a couple of relationships, but never were the relationships physical and in NO way were they sexual. For a long time it really just seemed like "I don't get it," and "Something's missing," and now I understand that I'm not physically attracted to boys or girls (as of yet, if at all).

    I don't believe that there is anything wrong with considering yourself asexual, especially if you have no reason to believe otherwise. Just remember to be honest with yourself, submissive to your feelings, and subject to change. You're only a year younger than I am, and we both know that this a very exploratory time! But I repeat...Be honest with yourself.

    I was once in a relationship with a girl who considered herself asexual too, and we were open about it. The relationship was not unlike any other. We had a lot of fun together, we developed an extraordinary bond, and we got to learn a lot about ourselves through each other. This relationship was just as emotionally fulfilling as any other I'd been in, if not more so. We eventually determined that we would be better off as friends. Fortunately, she is truly one of my best friends still today and we help each other more fully understand asexuality.

    It's a relationship where you truly value the person for who they are with no interruptions from physicality. Without physical or sexual desire to accompany you, you grow close to them on a very personal level quickly. (Nobody should take offense to this...I'm not saying that non-asexuals don't fully value their partners.) It's 100% emotional. We never kissed. We hardly broke the boundary of holding hands. But I assure you that that relationship was one of the most satisfying, introspective times of my life.

    Once again, be honest with yourself. If you are attracted to somebody, don't pretend that you aren't. If you aren't attracted to somebody, don't pretend that you are. Until then, I see nothing wrong with embracing the asexual identity. You've got nothing to lose, and so much to gain by just seeing how it goes for you. What's the worst that could happen?...You find out that you aren't what you thought. Not a big deal!

    Honesty! It'll guide you!

  7. #7


    As someone who identifies as an aromantic asexual, I say that what you've described certainly sounds like asexuality.

    If you're several years past puberty, presumably have sexual interests because you identify as a DL (most DLs being sexual DLs) but have never been attracted to either sex, then there probably isn't a reason to expect it to happen. It might yet, and even if not, a few percent of the population does change sexual orientation in their lifetime, but one would think you'd have shown some interest somewhere by now if you had one.

    Asexuality can be very difficult to deal with because it has all sorts of implications for how you live your life regardless of whether or not you have relationships. AVEN is the major asexuality forum and an extremely helpful resource. If you have specific questions or concerns, I imagine many of us asexuals could relate our experiences in this thread, or via PM.

  8. #8


    Your still young I wouldn't lose sleep over it. See what romantic opportunities present themselves in a few years.

  9. #9


    My partner thought he was asexual when I met him, but it turned out he just hadn't found out what he was into yet. It's quite esoteric stuff that turns him on, kinky stuff and all sorts, so it's not that surprising because that's not the sort of thing you just trip over in casual conversations with ordinary straight folks. He's 24, and I've met people 30 and older who never realised they were into kinky sex till they got older. So all is not lost, and a lot can change as you grow and understand yourself more.

  10. #10


    Tinyfish makes a good point in that things can change when you don't expect them too. However, I would not view asexuality has something where "all is lost." Asexuality is not a loss. Don't think of asexuality as though you are missing something. Instead, it is a real part of you that is had; A part of you that is just as real as your hair, eye color, and gender.

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