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Thread: Ever feel like you surpassed your parents? Or realize your parents are wrong?

  1. #1

    Default Ever feel like you surpassed your parents? Or realize your parents are wrong?

    I just got done having a conversation with my father and I can't fathom how thick headed he is. Earlier today we got into a discussion about hacking phones and consoles and no matter what I said he would go on the same artguments and same evidence and doing horribly inacurate comparisons. Then he never let me finish my side and changed the subject.

    Then again talking about the different religions and birches and stuff, but he was on a completely different page and nothing he said was correct and to top it off when I corrected him he would deny it.

    At this moment I feel that I'm smarter and more intelligent then my father, I feel like I'm a man yet I cannot get recognized as the man I am. I'm always just a kid in his eyes I'm not an equal and won't be for a long time. I'm dying to move out and get married and all this stuff I feel 100% ready for this and I just need some advice on how to get my father who I don't get along with all that often, to recognize me like a man.

  2. #2


    It's hard for parent to see that thier kids are adults with opinions and such. The respect and evening out kinda just happens, and happens more once you move out and become your own man.

    As far as knowing more then him, that may be. It's strange to really see your parents as people in general, and see that they really don't know everything. One day, you'll have kids, and they'll see that you're really not as smart as they thought, and that they know more then you. It's the circle of life.

  3. #3


    I've had a very similar experience with both of my parents. Beyond the whole teenage-rebellion thing, it really sucks when you have the facts and they do not. My situation is doubtless different from yours in a number of ways, but I'll bet there is some common ground. When I was 14, I told both of my parents that I was transsexual, and that I wanted medication to prevent puberty from changing my body into something with which I was totally uncomfortable. I presented different articles, tons of websites, even the official standards of care for that sort of thing, but neither of them listened.

    So, I went behind their back and ordered the medication off the Internet. Two years later, I told them what I had been doing, and how it had affected me (and possibly saved my life). My mother realised that she had been wrong, but my father did not. Since I'm pretty much a legal adult now, there's nothing he can do to make me stop, though.

    About your father: do you rely on him for money? If he's supporting you monetarily, there isn't much you can do aside from becoming independent in that regard. It does no good to bad-mouth someone who pays for everything you do, regardless of how wrong they are. A compromise is generally possible here; for example, my father lets me live in his house and buys food and stuff, but expects me to pay for things related to my transition (like hormones, clothes, doctor visits). I think he's a fucking moron, but respect that he provides food and shelter.

    Uhm, I can't really offer much advice on how to get him to view you in a more positive light, aside from clearly demonstrating that you're capable. You may just have to accept that this is what he thinks of you for the time being; if he doesn't provide for you, then it doesn't really matter what he thinks at all. Do you need his explicit permission to move out/get married/move on in life? If you need his support to get out and get started in the world, I could see how that would be pretty difficult, though.

    Sorry if I just seemed to drone on about myself; I'm terrible with advice. v.v; I'm trying to give you another perspective, something else to think about.

  4. #4


    There is a certain point where you realize there are some areas in which you have more knowledge than your parents. No one knows everything regardless of intelligence, and at a certain age you are obviously going to be more knowledgeable in certain areas than your parents just from having different interests. And of course some parents take this harder than others (some children too). I suspect that's where a _lot_ of the teenage rebellion stuff derives from. Anyway, important not to be a dick about it (just playing the devils advocate as I don't know all the circumstances.. your father could be way outa line for all I know.. just something to think about).

    As for being treated as an adult.. making your own income and having your own place helps a lot for credibility. It's kind of hard to whine about not being treated as an adult while your still being taken care of by your parents. If that's not feasible than you might need to just deal with the situation.. fight the important-ish arguments and let the silly stuff fly. Let your father think someone can hack into your phone and make the battery explode.. it does no harm. In fact, a simple "right" as opposed to directly confronting a statement is a not so subtitle way of saying "I know your full of shit, and you probably do to, but lets not bother fighting over it".

    _ALSO_, somewhat off topic, I've found the compulsive need to correct people who say things you know are wrong (when they don't matter) tends to fade as you gain credibility in life, especially in your chosen profession. Probably something to do with no longer feeling the need to prove you are knowledgeable in some area because it just becomes accepted .. or something like that. It's kind of an interesting feeling when you go from being a participant in arguments to being the guy people go to in order to get a definitive answer on who is right. "lets ask him, he'll know for sure".

  5. #5


    I went through this when I was a teenager. I was adopted, and of course, am a musician. In addition, I was in all advanced classes getting all A's. My mom was a secretary and my dad a clerk. The Vietnam War was raging on as well as the civil rights movement. Rock and Roll was king and I had long hair and a boyfriend. Needless to say, we had many a heated argument.

    Eventually I graduated from college and had my first job, a job I did terribly. Every weekend I would come home for dinner, refuge and support. Later, I moved to Ohio and was employed once again. I eventually would ask them advise on so many things. Over the years I realized how wise they were.

    Shortly after I was married, my dad died. He had been painting their bedroom, so when I and my wife went home for the funeral, I wanted to help my mom. I finished painting her bedroom, painting in the same lines where my dad had been painting. My dad had been the one who taught me how to paint, when I had my first room up in the attic of their house, my own private little world away from theirs. He taught me how to run the brush in straight lines and not leave brush marks. He taught me how to cut a straight line and not get the paint where you don't want it.

    My parent's home was along Toms River, which ran out into Barnegat Bay. When I was 16, I wanted a sailboat. My parents helped my buy one, and my dad taught me how to sail. Standing in the bedroom, the salt air and the sound of the sea gulls close by outside, his paint brush in my hand and following those perfect straight lines, the tears rolled down my cheeks.

    There will come a time when you will know how wise they are. When that happens, you will be on your journey to wisdom.

  6. #6


    One thing you have to realize is that your father did not generate his thoughts and opinions overnight - as wrong as he may be, his opinions are formed by his experiences in life.

    Also, keep in mind that everybody on the planet is wrong a lot of the time. Even you. Even I. It is a part of being human. Nobody is exempt from that. Humans can have the IQ of Einstein and still have a lot of silly and unfounded opinions.

    Yeah, I realize that my parents were wrong a lot of the fucking time. But then again, I wasn't exactly trying to be open and willing to work with them, and my part in the situation only made things worse for everybody when I was a teenager. No parent-child relationship is perfect, but it is a two-way street in most cases (excluding legitimate cases of abuse, of course, which I feel I was facing under my stepfather, and even then, my fight-or-flight reactions only served to make the situation a lot worse for everybody involved).

    I used to think I surpassed my parents. Now I realize that just about everybody in the world has their own world of shit to deal with, and everybody makes very big mistakes in dealing with it, and everybody is wrong on many things on a daily basis, and I am not excluded from that at all. Learning that is truly liberating - fighting to feel superior over others is such a futile thing to do.

  7. #7


    Well thanks for the info and advice. I'm not angry with him... I'm just upset... Iunno it's just difficult... See I'm currently trying to deal with sorting out my marriage things, planning a wedding and convincing my father that I truly am ready. See he said some things and I reconsidered worked them out and now I have to prove to him that I'm ready. I know I"m ready and well lately I've just been noticing how wrong my parents are. How idiotic they are. Surely they are wise, I understand this, they have experience that I cannot understand at times. They tell me these things for my own good sometimes. Overall I understand all of this just fine. I'm not having this teenage rebellion without a cause deal. I'm just finally ready to leave the nest. I'm going to end college next may and plan on getting married next summer. To answer the question of who supports me he does somewhat. See He just pays for good and housing and cellphone. Other then that I pay for my own car maintenance,gas,clothes, and anything else. So I'm semi dependent. I work a bit less then part time and I'm a honor student in college. So yeah I just want him to accept me as an equal and I don't see how I can until I leave the nest. Yet at the same time he won't think I'm ready to leave until I'm a "man" which is such a pain in the ass to figure out ya know? It's just that today he got on my nerves.

    Overall I'm at that point in my life where I don't need my parents and I'm ready to leave the nest, I'm realizing how different my parents are from me and all that stuff. It doesn't help that since I"m latin I'm currently living with my parents on a daily basis. Which is a bit different.... All in all I'm just venting and annoyed.

  8. #8


    Theres a time when you need to realize your parents are human, and being such are prone to not being perfect, they dont know everything, and they are not always right.

    They are people, and growing up they are your parents, they tell you what to do, how to do it, they are always right, they are perfect it seems

    THen one day you wake up and realize they arent, IMO when i realized it, it just made them seem more realistic and no so far off if you can get what im getting at

  9. #9


    Take him changing the subject as a concession and let it feed your ego if that is what you were going for.

    My parents don't really get deep into discussions that they don't have significant background in so I don't really have any of these awkward moments where I want to pursue a topic but can't do so without being rude.

  10. #10


    My Mom...ugh we disagree on a lot ,and when we do agree we still manage to have an argument.

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