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Thread: Wife needs help!

  1. #1

    Default Wife needs help!

    I recently found out that my husband likes to wear diapers I guess. I need help with this, I read about your site in Playboy, and would like some ideas from others on how to deal with this. I love my husband but don;t understand! Please help!

  2. #2



    First off, welcome to ADISC! Second, you're not alone, I joined ADISC when my boyfriend told me he was a DL a few months back, so I know it can be a sort of overwhelming piece of news to receive. I had never even heard the term AB/DL before my boyfriend introduced me to the community.

    So, what are you looking for clarification on? Is there something in particular that he told you about that you don't understand? I'm more than happy to help out another woman going through this phase in a relationship, so ask away!

  3. #3


    Not sure he wont really tell me. But I find diapers hidden like with tape and also find panties and bras so I think he has some fetishes but evertime I find them, i get mad and he wont tell me. Even though i found them. Are you ok with it now?

  4. #4


    Yeah, I'm completely fine with it now. I'll admit, I was hesitant at first. My boyfriend took a lot of time explaining his DL-ism to me and answering any questions I had before I became comfortable with the idea. But today it's just a normal part of our relationship.

    You mentioned that you've found some things, gotten upset, and confronted your husband. Are you upset by the things you find or because he won't talk to you about them?

  5. #5



    If you want him to come clean I would start with not being angry when you talk to him. I'm sure he is defencive and humiliated. Make sure you let him know that it is a safe place to talk, and if you start to et angry take a break. You don't have to be happy about it, but if someone is yelling at you, I wouldn't think that you would be open and sharing with that person right then. Just a thought.

  6. #6


    Hi Chrys. I believe I'm one of the two quoted in that Playboy article. I was discovered by my wife three years ago, and I went on this site for help. ADISC is a great site for both information and support. I know that living with us is not easy. I have made adjustments so that my wearing and living with my wife are compatible. It's about respecting each others' sensibilities. My wife is very accepting and has supported me, not only in letting me wear to bed, but also by buying me plushies (like teddy bears) and playing along.

    For me, it's only a part of my life, and certainly not all of my down time. Like so many things, to be healthy, it needs to be managed so that only a part of one's time is spent regressing. I'm a professional in the real world, and respected by my peers. What I do stays behind my closed doors. I say this because I think you need to talk to your husband and decide what your level of acceptance is. Then you will need to set up parameters which will make both of you happy.

    I'm guessing that you probably want to know why people such as ourselves feel compelled to wear diapers and/or act babyish. This has been a long continuing conversation on this site, and sadly, none of us really know. I think if you become somewhat involved in this site, and read the related threads, you will come away with a better understanding. For the most part, we are a really good group of people. This site is highly moderated, so if someone acts inappropriately, they are removed.

    If you have any questions, and I'm sure you have many, I'm always here.

  7. #7


    Quote Originally Posted by BabyBeau View Post

    If you want him to come clean I would start with not being angry when you talk to him.
    That. This is a pretty standard social protocol imo.

  8. #8


    Well, sounds like we answered the question of whether the playboy article would drive traffic here.

    Anyhoo, I'm glad you came here for advice. It's clear you love your husband, which I think is the most important first step in understanding the situation. For some information on myself, I'm somewhat in the reverse situation. I'm getting married soon, and enjoy wearing diapers.

    For starters, your situation isn't an uncommon one around these parts. If you search around, or I could take a look if you'd prefer, we also get a number of threads asking for advice by people on the other side of your situation: husbands (officially or soon-to-be) who need to tell their spouse. They usually look something like this:

    Ok, so I'm getting married soon, and I think I need to tell my wife. Any ideas? Yes, I know, I should've done it a long time ago. But I didn't and can't change that now.
    Moreover, I estimate that we see around half a dozen posts of people in your exact shoes each year. So take a deep breath in, and realize you aren't the first to go through this. I told my fiancee years ago (before being engaged), figuring if she wanted to leave me over it, I'd rather do it before our relationship got too far. Some people do that, some people don't. Every relationship will have its quirks, and one partner liking to wear diapers will certainly a big one. We all handle it in the way that seems best. Now I don't know exactly how you learned about your husband, but it sounds like you may have found out by accident (as in, some way other than him telling you directly). If he was hiding it, I can assure you it wasn't because he wanted to hurt you or keep it from you. Honestly, almost all of us crave acceptance for this in our spousal relationships. But this can be a thing that it seems like there's just no good way to bring up. If he was hiding it from you, I would take it as a sign that he values your relationship and was afraid of endangering it.

    It can be hard to get a handle on just what this is because for many of us, we like diapers for different reasons. Some of us find psychological comfort. Diapers could make us feel safe and secure, or they could help pretend we're at an age when there weren't bills or mortgage payments or careers or morning commutes. Some of us, for whatever reason, just like the feeling of a diaper around our legs. Some of us started wearing them due to incontinence, and just really grew to enjoy wearing them (similar to how a woman might really like the comfort of a bra aside from simply needing the support it provides). For some of us, to be upfront, it's a sexual turn on. There are more reasons out there as well. And in many cases, we'll be some combination of these things.

    The etiology of liking to wear diapers is also varied, and something we've debated at length. In some cases we know where the urge came from, and in some cases we don't. Some people (as I said above) started using diapers for a medical need and learned they enjoyed them. Some of us had neglectful childhoods, and wearing diapers helps us regress- to have some time of make believe where we enjoy a childhood we never had. As for me, I've simply wanted to wear diapers as far back as I can remember. There was no day that I thought wearing diapers would be enjoyable. It's simply been a constant in my life.

    The bottom line is that you won't know why he is this way or what it is he likes about them unless you ask. Please realize again that it's likely he only kept this from your because he values your relationship and feared this becoming something that would cause difficulty between the two of you (which it obviously has anyway, but that's beside the point). Telling someone you love that you like to wear diapers is a bit like telling someone that you're gay. There's a ton of emotions, the biggest one being fear. Decisions made in fear (like the decision to hide this) are rarely good decisions.

    If he isn't being forthcoming, my guess is that he's clinging to the sinking ship hoping that it's a better alternative than having to deal with the issue head on. This is the wonderful logic that the best way in life to get rid of problems being to ignore them. I think what you need to do is tell him that you want to love him and accept him, but can ONLY do that if he's willing to be honest and open with you. He probably thinks that opening up about what's going inside his mind will inevitably lead to the relationship's end, or that it could permanently change the dynamics of your relationship for the worse. Pandora's box cannot be closed. He likely knows this all too well, and it seems to be trying to not face the fact that you've opened it. You need to assure him that you and him are in this thing together.

    Now, some disclaimers. First, we're not pedophiles. I almost hate saying this because it sounds like this misconception hasn't entered your mind, and now I've brought it up. But some people will make the jump to pedophilia because some of us get a sexual thrill from diapers. This isn't true, and you'll see in looking around that a number of us are actually parents and have normal, healthy relationships with our children just like any other person. Next, there's nothing necessarily unhealthy about diapers. Psychologically, the majority of us are well adjusted individuals leading successful lives and having healthy relationships. While you may note a degree of angst around this site, I chalk that up to having a large population of adolescents (I'd imagine we have at least as many adolescents here as we do adults). And you'll also notice various people talking about various psychological issues they face- but they don't occur here more often than in the general population. This is just a place where we can be open about such issues and seek each other's help. And so long as we stay hygienic in our diaper use (ie, clean up thoroughly), there's nothing physically unhealthy about using diapers either. So there's nothing "sick" about your husband- this is simply something that he does.

    We're here for any kind of advice or support you need. Feel free to check back in to update us on how things go so we can try to offer further advice as the situation progresses.

    Best of luck!

    ---------- Post added at 04:26 ---------- Previous post was at 03:53 ----------

    Chrys, I did some looking around and dug up a thread where telling your partner was discussed in length. Thought it might be good to read to see what it's like on the other side of the issue.

  9. #9


    Kudos for finding the site and coming and asking rather than just going based off emotions. You must really love him and want things to work to be coming here. I just wish everyone could know about the site and come here to get answers and advice. As others have said some of us know where the desire come from and others do not.

    For me personally, I was abused involving diapers. It's generally different for a lot of people. It's amazing what you can find of the different types of fetishes and kinks and some are even extreme.

    Welcome to the site!

  10. #10


    Thank you for your answer, it helps a little. Yes he hides the things and I think it's sexual arousal. But I told him I am a pretty open person to trying new things. But this conversation (after I find his stash of things) is always one sided, besides him saying he's sorry. But he also has bras, panties, little skirts, and the diapers all hidden in the same spot. It angers and hurts me at the same time. I take offense to this like am I not enough for him that he has to result to this. I cry alot because he won't talk to me about it. But reading more here I might understand a little more. And yes tonight I think I am going to try to not be mad. And yes to be totally honest I think it does disgust me a little too, on top of feeling inadequte. Should I show him this website or leave it open on the computer maybe? I still feel very emotional and lost on this. But promise to try and most of you are probley gonna get mad at this but I have threatened to leave but that didn't even help. He just says"what do you want me to say. I'm sorry" and that's his involvement in the conversation. As I have said I love him very much we are highschool sweethearts have been married for 7 years and together for 14 so I am going to try and understand this. Thank you so much for your imput. Please feel free to respond with more advice!

    ---------- Post added at 10:31 ---------- Previous post was at 10:30 ----------

    Both, it disturbes me what I found and that all he will say is he's sorry!

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