This is really hard for me to talk about. I've looked at a few other posts and people seem very accepting and understanding here.
So we're dating for a few weeks. We're laying in bed talking about fetishes and what we like and don't like. I laid everything out on the table, maybe a mistake on my part, but I mentioned everything because I wanted to be honest and upfront with her. Among the topics I like, that I've worn women's underwear and bras and that I own some, I like the pregnant form of a woman, I like lactation, I like urination, and that I was a DL. I asked her did she know what a DL is, she did not, and I explained to her its someone that likes diapers, the look, feel, wearing them, and so on, but its not to be confused with someone that has an attraction to children, the two are completely different.
She seemed understanding and accepting at the time. However, when I said diaper lover, she got a different picture in her mind than what was actually going on.
I do things in the privacy of my own home; and I don't wear or use diapers all the time. By 'use' I mean masturbate with and into. I will get an urge every so often, and it had been a few months, urge taken care of and the diapers were in the garbage, ready to be thrown out. I have moved away from that interest, in time I have just lost interest, so its not a part of my life anymore. This was probably 4 months ago that I lost interest.
Well I had some in the garbage (i have cleaning issues so yes, 4 months later garbage bags are still hanging about) and she found them in the garbage. Had they been adult diapers she told me she would have been OK with it, but they we're girl's pull-ups, 4T size so as she put it they were diapers for babies and it is absolutely wrong to use them for sexual gratification.
I don't make the connection like that, I mean, it's not an attraction towards children, its an attraction towards an inanimate object, something that when I wear it makes me feel pretty, sexy, carefree, relaxed, and gives me pleasure at a time in my life when I felt really nothing at all. It's kind of like the bra and panties, although its weird it does make me feel sexy and sometimes you need that, be you male or female. I think everybody does. I've used both her and my panties to masturbate with while she watched and that did not creep her out, but yet this frightens her enough to make her throw away the relationship. She has been honest with me and told me it freaked her out and she didn't know what to think.
So we broke up over it, and my parents are wondering what she found in the garbage to freak her out and make her leave, up until that point she and I had no problems that I was aware of, they want to talk to me about it and promise no judgement and their hope is maybe if they understood more, we could all sit down and talk about it and get everyone on the same page so all the work we've put into the relationship is not just tossed away.
It's a shocking thing to her because she has a child that is 1 year old, she actually asked me, "well what do you think of when you're changing my daughter's diaper?"
I told her same as anyone else would think, to do it right, keep her off the floor until the diaper is officially swapped out, make sure she's cleaned well, and make sure the diaper is securely on at the end of things so it does not fall off... I'm no pedophile and I don't have that mindset, she says she believes me but I am not sure what to believe right now.
So there's my story, it comes with some past baggage of her own, so I'm thinking the diaper thing was just a catalyst to set it off, until that point she seemed very happy and was taking positive steps in her life to get things turned around, getting a job, off her medications and other good things. For someone that has had things very rough for 9 years running being turned around like that and facing the chance to be genuinely happy with someone that cares about you has to be scary I imagine.
Well I've said all I want to say for now, I feel better and my stomach is not in knots anymore. I hope you as a community won't damn me, we all have needs, all taken care of in a unique way, we all have our own interests. I hope that someone can give me perspective or share experiences they've had in the past.
If not, thanks for listening to my story, I feel kind of lost right now and I don't know what to do but wait and let things develop the way they are going to develop.