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Thread: Some advice on a delicate situation

  1. #1

    Default Some advice on a delicate situation

    Hello Everyone

    I am currently in a delicate situation and would appreciate any advice from you all. Basically i have been going out with my girlfriend for close to a year now and in the beginning she would do all kinds of ABDL stuff with me as we both liked it. She would wear often do baby stuff with me and we used to have really good and happy times. Then 2-3 months after moving in with me because she had no place to live she started to stop doing some of the stuff we used to, I was putting this down to the binge purge cycle cause we all go through it.

    Then a few days before new years we found out that she was both pregnant and had a miscarriage on the same day and we lost our baby which is a tragedy. So about 2 months later she talks to me by text saying that she doesn't want anything to do with the ABDL stuff and does not want any of it in her life.

    I don't know if it is because of the miscarriage or she has changed she will never tell me the reason just that she don't want it. She still loves me and wants to be with me and I do her it's just that I now feel I have to suppress all my desires out of fear of upsetting her.

    I don't suppose that anyone has any experience with this but does anyone have any advice on what I can do?

  2. #2


    I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

    My understanding is that communication is a huge part of a successful relationship. I can agree with that sentiment from experience. I've never been in the position of discussing diapers/ABDL stuff with a g/f because it's just never gotten that far, but I think that this is something you guys need to talk about. You need to know what her reasons are, even if it has to do with the miscarriage--he/she was your child too and you're also affected by what happened. This is something you should work through together, and if the experience is affecting her view of the ABDL stuff you should talk about it. Given the severity of what happened, perhaps a couples therapist needs to be involved as you sort through it?

    Anyway, just my $0.02--hope it helps.

  3. #3


    It seems like she's grieving and ABDL things are just too close to home. From the way you describe it, it sounds like it might have started to wear on her a few months after moving in, and the miscarriage pushed her over the edge. Without giving her a definite, "Ok, we'll never do ABDL stuff ever again," I'd give her some space and return to the matter a few months from now, or longer, when she's had some time to emotionally recover. Then, you can resume the conversation about the place of ABDL things in your relationship.

  4. #4


    I think slim nailed it on the head there. She is definitely grieving and doesn't want to be reminded of baby stuff. I would back way off the ABDL stuff around her for a while and bring it up again in 6 months. Most people who are not into AB/DL activities but engage in them for the sake of a partner will get tired of it if it is done to frequently. If and when you convince her to try it again, go slow and don't make it an every day thing (or even every week thing).

  5. #5


    i would say it's the emotional damage from losing the child. most people equate diapers and other baby items as tools to bring them back to their childhood so it makes sense tat after losing a baby herself she doesn't want to be reminded of that event.

    my advice would be to give it time, and after a while of coping (maybe with the help of a therapist?) she might want to give it another chance... sorry about the loss though

  6. #6


    I agree with them: she's traumatized and that will play havoc with any number of things, not to mention pregnancy hormones. And I agree, infantilism for fun may seem very odd up against the thought of actual babies and diapers. All you can do is skip it a while and try later... unless you can get her to give a straight answer as to why she won't play any more.

    It may also have to do with shacking up under duress, about which she may be having second thoughts; again, try to get her to speak her mind.

    If she is unhappy living together, maybe help her move out; I have had such an amicable but painful breakup, and being decent to each other makes for a much easier time of it.

  7. #7


    Also prepare yourself for the idea that she really is done. I cant give you advice on what to do then, but waiting a couple of months is important. Also important to note that if she doesn't ever want to indulge you, you're faced with the choice of never having someone to share this activity again, or moving on to meet new people.

  8. #8


    to add to what others have already pointed out...
    Yes, I also believe she's grieving / has been traumatized by the miscarriage...
    and maybe after moving in with you - I don't know, it's more of a question - the ABDL Stuff took far more "presence" than in it used to be. Maybe she indulged partially because she loves you, but was never too thrilled by it herself?
    I'd also say, be prepared that she might actually never want to get there again...

    ... But if you have communication issues I may also suggest seeing a counselor/couple-therapist ... I'm not a huge fan of psycho-analysis/therapy as I think in many regards it fails miserably - BUT The one area where it can work wonders is restoring the communication with couples... I mean often it helps to speak to a third party who is sworn to secrecy and will provide a "neutral" point of view and will help to evaluate / understand the situation as the therapist is not emotionally invested in your problem.

  9. #9


    Sorry for your loss Koutei.

    A girl and I in High School we intimate a few months. She asked me one day about any fetishes and I explained ABDL and showed her some community websites and she got very intrigued. We ended up sharing ABDL for a few months and then it slowly faded. I never brought it up when the idea fell off the cliff...

    The way I look at it people get very interested in an idea when it's new but it can fade with time. I think you need to decide if ABDL or the girl is a bigger part of your life. Tough question to ask yourself in the end. I have strong ABDL desires but never really confronted my better half with the idea (just a few hints when we have had too much to drink). I am always afraid of rejection and do not want my life to come to crashing end for something I can enjoy with friends and myself.

    I wish you the best of luck.

  10. #10


    Thanks for all your advice guys, I think I will just try to give her as much time as she needs. She did say to me once that she only indulged in the activities out of love for me but i get the impression that she only said that to get me to stop because she used to do ABDL stuff before we met and then she did it when i wasn't even there so she could have only been doing it for herself.

    Well like i said thanks for every ones advice and I'll just give her space and maybe write back in a couple months or so if it goes well.

    ---------- Post added 04-04-2011 at 10:40 ---------- Previous post was 01-04-2011 at 14:13 ----------

    Hi everyone, I said I would write an update so here it is.
    My girlfriend broke my heart and left me, said it wasn't working out. I hope none of you ever have to loose someone you love cause it is devastating. Don't quite know what to do with myself now, anyway just wanted to share my tragedy.

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