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Thread: Does earlier diaper desire lead to later acceptance?

  1. #1

    Default Does earlier diaper desire lead to later acceptance?

    There's a thread going right now about when we accepted ourselves and our diaper desires, and in that thread, I posed a question. As that thread goes on, I'm thinking that it's worth a thread of its own.

    Seeing various posts on here (and from talking to people and replies from other sites, et cetera) I've noticed that some people "discover" their diaper desires, and others (like me) have had them as long as they can remember.

    That said, I am wondering if that early level of awareness in some alters how readily someone accept their desires. I would assert that those of us who have always known and struggled with these desires have had far more exposure to anti-diaper messages, various exposure to humiliation or the humiliation of others for things like wetting accidents or a need of diapers past childhood, et cetera, akin to how a gay person will be way more impacted by anti-gay rhetoric than will a straight person that likely won't notice it (since it doesn't apply to them).

    I would hypothesize that a person that doesn't discover their diaper desires until later on wouldn't be as affected by the anti-diaper messages of society, whereas the additional negative exposure would make it harder to accept our diaper desires for those of us that know of them very early on.

    Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

    Any thoughts?

  2. #2


    I "discovered" mine when I was about 4 or 5. All started by trying on my little brothers diapers, hasn't stopped since XD

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by ValkyrieTheWolf View Post
    I "discovered" mine when I was about 4 or 5. All started by trying on my little brothers diapers, hasn't stopped since XD
    And do you think that made any impact on your ability to accept that desire?

  4. #4


    Hmm... I don't know if I discovered it, so much as I never actually grew out of it... I have memories of making (very) makeshift diapers out of brown paper bags shortly after being potty trained--I was 3, maybe 4. I ripped leg holes and put them on under my sleeper (another article of clothing I refused to give up--I finally outgrew the Lands End ones at, uh, 10?). My parents were amused and thought it was cute.

    Flash forward to me at age 5 or 6, wearing Pull-Ups intended for some of my larger stuffed animals. I did this for about a week, never wet them, but was discovered while we were visiting relatives for the 4th of July. I received quite the yelling-at. However, it didn't impact my ability to accept myself. In my own little world, it was still fine; I rather early on caught onto the concept of 'it's a big world with a lot of people who really aren't all that unique--if I do it, there is probably somebody else who does, too.' I just became much, much more secretive and careful, because I knew my parents weren't cool with it anymore.

    The experience may have had a negative impact on my ability to be open with other people about my *B side, however.

  5. #5


    Actually its funny that you say that, because we were talking about this psychology class today (the gay thing not diapers obviously) and we as a class decided that you are right. Just thought I should post this because of the coincidence lol.

  6. #6


    I think this is a really interesting question.

    My personal psychology is really freaking complicated, but I know with transgender stuff (which like AB stuff I also didn't realise till I was well into adulthood) that not having had direct personal experience of people's negative reactions didn't stop me internalising negative messages about what it meant to be transsexual.

    Or, maybe I don't know that at all since I *was* trans all along and couldn't help acting like it, and got negative and freaked-out responses all the time from people who expected me to be "normal for a girl". That part I remember pretty clearly. I guess diaper stuff is like fetish stuff in general, easier to hide. Did I ever get negative reactions for behaving in a way that was childlike (which I do sometimes?) Well, only in certain contexts. But then, see above - that part's complicated again, because for most of my life I've been perceived as female and society at large thinks it's fine for women to act childish. Whether I'll experience the same thing when I'm perceived as male, I don't know - but I'm inclined to doubt I'll get as much leeway.

    One thing I know is that older people are more confident in their identity in general; the younger you are the harder it hits when other people judge. So maybe people who work out their diaper thing older are already better equipped to be OK with this new facet of themselves.

  7. #7


    ^^^ that's an interesting point, that realizing ABDL desires later and dealing with them more easily could be at least partly a function of having better coping abilities.

    I still think there is something about -knowing- that you're different, though, and trying to avoid the scorn of your peers. In my mind, it is similar to knowing that you're gay, in that you know, but don't want anyone to know, so you act differently, trying to obfuscate your true feelings, while internalizing all of those negative messages from society, that you're a freak and wrong and bla bla blah. As a kid, I wanted diapers. I would practically be glued to the tv during diaper commercials. I would look at the diaper ads in the sales circulars. Yet, seeing someone who had an accident in school always served as a fresh reminder that diapers and having accidents were for babies, both because of the teacher's negative reaction and the students making fun. (who knows, that might be much less of a thing now, but in farm town USA in the late '80s when I started school it was still very much a thing). There were jokes about babies and diapers and bla blah blah all the time in things like gym class and whatnot too. Being less than a perfect kid athlete was cause for mockery, even from teachers (quite literally had a phys ed teacher tell one of my friends that he, "had more rolls than a Chinese bakery," in 4th grade).

    I dunno, everyone hears the messages, but I think those who knew earlier paid more attention to those messages. It's like when someone is talking to one person in a group. You might not notice because you're talking to someone else, but if they say your name as they're talking, you'll suddenly be paying attention to them.

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  8. #8


    This is indeed an interesting question, although I don't think your theory works for me.

    I cannot remember ever not being interested in diapers, or baby things in general (pacifiers were always, and have still remained, far more interesting and alluring to me than diapers). My earliest memories of wanting to be babied go back to the age of about four or five, and at first I don't think that I realised that I was different in wanting to go back to babyhood. I have several memories revolving around pacifiers or diapers at around age four or fibe, I won't share them all but I will share one, when I was I think five. I was playing with a friend, and mentioned that I wished I could go back to wearing diapers. She responded along the lines of, ‘Ewww, that’s gross! You’d have to sit in your own poo. Yuck!” I didn't think that this sounded too bad at all, but I didn't say anything more about it. I remember this memory quite clearly - I remember exactly where we were (her garden), where we were stood, the way the sun was shining, the game we were playing. I think the reason that I remember this so vividly, why it has stuck in my mind for so long, is that was the moment when I first realised that not everybody longed to return to the things they had left behind at babyhood, and I think the first instance in which I realised that my feelings were not 'normal.' Up until then I don't think it had ever occurred to me that all children do not want to go back to babyhood.

    That said, although I very definitely realised then that what I was feeling wasn't 'normal,' I don't think I felt any shame in it. To be honest, all through my childhood I had a fascination with diapers and with pacifiers, but I don't ever remember feeling any shame about it. To me it was something I had always been interested in, it just felt normal and a part of me. It was something I hid from my parents, but that was more from a fear that they would take things away from me than a fear that what I was doing was shameful. When aged around nine I found a discarded pacifier in Toys R Us, pocketed it and took it home with me I did use it in front of my siblings, and eventually my parents. When I was eight I received for Christmas a doll who was about the size of a real 3-month-old baby, my Gran fostered babies and had a ridiculous amount of baby clothes in her home. She let me take two big bin bags of real baby clothes home for my doll, and in-amongst them were a pair of plastic pants. I could fit into the plastic pants (I expect the plastic pants were for toddlers and not tiny babies, many of the clothes I had for the doll were not the right size) and I recall stuffing them with my mother's sanitary towels and wearing them. I did this in front of my sister who was a year younger, and at that age I didn't feel any shame for what I was doing. Another time I found a package of Drynites at my Gran's house and I stole one. I took it home and wore it - I told my siblings, again not ashamed, and they told my Mum who unfortunately told me off and made me take it off. At that age, at least, the main reason I had for hiding my interest was that I knew my parents would try and stop it, but not through shame.

    As I got older I did start to feel somewhat more shame, and moreso embarrassment, with regard to what I was doing. I realised that it was a very strange thing to enjoy, and that if people found out they probably wouldn't understand and would think it was weird and likely disgusting. But, even so I don't think there has ever been a time where I have struggled to accept myself, or have at all hated myself, for this. Even though I know this is not normal for other people, to me it is completely normal, it is completely a part of me, one that has been here for as long as I can recall. I think that because it has always been a part of me, because it has always been there, it has never really been something I have needed to accept. Although now I would be mortified and deeply embarrassed were anybody to find out about this part of me, I certainly don't ever feel shame or hate towards myself for indulging in this side of myself privately. I have never really struggled with the feeling that what I am doing is wrong, or abnormal, and I think that is because I have never known anything different.

    I would have actually thought that it would be harder to discover this side of yourself later in life. I cannot imagine not being interested in diapers/baby things, and when I did first develop this interest I was far too young to have any understanding that it might be weird, disgusting, unnatural or abnormal. When I did realise that this wasn't normal, it was already far too much a part of my being and of my desires for me to consider changing or to imagine being without. The first time I wore, and wet, a diaper this was a natural progression to me from the desires I had been harbouring almost since infancy - I did not feel dirty or weird or ashamed, because I think somewhere within me I had always known that, when I had the chance, I would go down the route of obtaining my own diapers to wear.

    On the other hand, if this interest had suddenly appeared out of the blue in my teens or adulthood I think it would have been a genuine shock. I think I probably would have found it really hard to come to terms with a sudden desire to wear diapers, had it not been there all of my life. I think that, after using a diaper for the first time, I would have been far more likely to feel dirty and to feel shame, because I would have had no time to come to terms with my interest, and to be genuinely worried about why I was suddenly having these interests towards diapers. Although I wouldn't have perhaps been as aware of the 'anti-diaper' messages in society if I'd discovered this as a teen/adult, I think the fact that diapers are for babies might be even more ingrained in my mind, because I would never have entertained the idea of wearing them before. Moreover, I would not have had my childhood to reflect on my interest, and for me to normalise it as a part of me internally. I think it would have been harder for me to accept it as 'a part of me' had it not always been a part of me - I think I would have come to the resolution that if it wasn't a part of me before, maybe it didn't have to be now, and would have struggled with accepting it as an interest.

    Of course, I do think it would depend on how late you discovered it, ie: whether it is as a teen or adult, and how you discovered it. As a young teen, where I was far more preoccuppied with what constituted as normal, whether I was normal and whether I would fit in with my peers, I am almost certain I would have found it the most difficult to accept a sudden desire to wear and use diapers. Perhaps as an older teen or an adult I would have found it easier, because by then I was far less interested in what was 'normal' and knew that doing what made me happy, and 'beating to my own drum' as it were was far more important. I would also imagine how you discovered it would make a difference. Had I suddenly discovered that I was into diapers and baby things, I think I would have been very worried. I probably would have been concerned that there was something very wrong with me, and I think I would have felt complete shame at feeling a desire to be diapered. On the other hand, had I been introduced to it by another person, perhaps somebody who I loved and trusted, and then developed the interest slowly, perhaps from doing it to indulge him and moving on to doing it because I wanted to, then that may have been easier to deal with, because the transition from being someone who had no interest in diapers/baby stuff, to being someone who did very much have an interest in it, would have happened slowly, and with the support of another person to reassure that it was okay and nothing to be ashamed of.

    Of course, all of that is just hypothetical. This is something I have been interested in since I was very young, and so I can only really hypothesise over how it would have effected me discovering it later in life based on my responses to other things throughout my life. I will just finish by reaffirming that my interest in diapers and baby things in general is certainly something that has been with me all of my life, one of the few things that has remained constant in my life, and as such has never been something I have had difficulty accepting, or have even made a conscious effort to try and accept or come to terms with. For me, it is something that just is. I think I have always known I would never change this part of me, and as such I have never tried to, or even entertained the idea of being without it. It is certainly an intrinsic part of my being, and I think the fact that it has been with me throughout my entire life, or at least as far back as I can recall, has been the very reason that it has never been a difficult part of myself to accept or deal with. The parts of myself that, over the years, I have found it hard to accept or deal with have always been aspects that developed, or appeared, having not previously been there.

  9. #9


    I've always remembered having mine, and I've always had those times where I hated my *B/DL side, I think it does come to the fact that I was younger, more influenceable, and that I had the anti-diaper speaks from my parents at a young age. Not only that, the small comments that people make around me didn't help either now that I think about it. When ever someone cried and another person asked if baby need a diaper, might have hurt me as much as it hurt the person it was directed to. I don't know if this helps, in my point of view the younger you are when you discover it ,or what ,ever the more damage it'll cause you.

  10. #10


    You may have a point here...

    A couple of personal examples: for me, my childish emotions have been with me my entire life. As someone who was pushed to be mature I've struggled with feeling like a bad, irrational, CRAZY person for feeling this way since I was about 9 or 10; the feelings of shame have increased each year since then, because obviously the older I got the further away my behaviour/feelings got from the threshhold of 'acceptable'. Now I seem to have reached a kind of acceptance, but this is mostly due to my friends' encouragement and willingness to deal with those emotions; to treat them like a part of me that needs to be accepted and loved, not cut out.

    I think, if I had developed normally emotionally, and one day suddenly been hit by these feelings, I would have been more accepting. Sure, for a while I'd be confused and upset, but I'd have the comparison to before so I could know that something was DIFFERENT about me, and that it wasn't my fault. With my current situation, I assume everyone else feels the same way and just sucks it up. Only recently, after years of having inklings that something isn't quite 'normal' about how I feel, have I realised that's not quite true.

    As for my DL-side, out of my friends, I'm the only one to have never had any diaper desires growing up. But I'm the one who'll be much more open and okay about talking about it. I'm the one who'll talk about messing or wetting or even just liking diapers and not feel ashamed. I think a lot of that IS because growing up, if anyone ever made a comment about someone being a baby and having to wear diapers, or disparagingly talked about people having to wear diapers, it would have no relevance to me at all, while a DL would probably feel bad about themselves.

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