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Thread: AB Positive

  1. #1

    Default AB Positive

    I was talking with a friend in IRC last night and the course of our conversation got me to thinking along different lines than I would typically. I expect what I have to say isn't news to people who share their ABDL-ness with others but I also haven't seen it really articulated, so I thought I'd take a stab at it. Some background: I'm mostly a DL by mindset and solitary in my ABDL habits, so the notion of sharing this is difficult territory for me. Even sharing it in a community sense has been a work in progress as this is my first site and it has been four years of redefining my expectations and what appears to me to be positive growth.

    I want to say that the content of this post applies equally to DLs or any consensual, shared kink (and by kink, I mean some out of the ordinary urge that brings unusual pleasure in its fulfillment) but it hit me thinking about ABs and so I'm using that as my primary example. I also expect it's the most relevant to the community in the respect that I'm addressing (also, making it about ABs suggested a good thread title to me). As a point of clarification, I'm not talking about sex. I think sex applies pretty equally to the things I'm describing but it's not unique to ABs or other kinksters, whereas I think what I'm talking about is if not unique, at least less common elsewhere.

    What hit me in part last night and gnawed at me until this morning is that I don't think we give proper credit to the goodness of the shared AB experience. At ADISC, we often remind people that diapers and baby things don't rule our lives and I'm very glad that this is so. However, they do have a very important part to play and I'm thinking now that there's something very special present in what can happen with people into this. Maybe because we need it and rarely get it, we don't see how there also might be good in it. Depending on how one looks at it, ABs may be "broken" in a sense but lots of people are in many different ways. ABs have at least the beginnings of a common frame of reference in which to share love and caring with one another.

    AB-ism provides the common ground for two people spending the time to fulfill each other's emotional needs, as strangely expressed as they might be. Even "normals" have these needs but they don't have the same playbooks to follow to get them met and they have to work things out on the fly. One person in a relationship might say "let's do whatever you want today" to the other but how often does self-censorship and fear of ridicule even from a loved one constrain the reply to something less than what the person really wants? ABs already know the depths of this desire and accept it. Maybe sometimes the answer really will honestly be that they'd like to go out and shop or work in the yard or whatever but if the answer really is, "I'd love to play baby/kid" the other person gets it and that's powerful juju.

    So for those of you who get to share this, spare a moment to think how lucky you are that your needs, as strange as they might be, can be met. Maybe you can't be physically and mentally changed into whatever you really think you should be but to get the loving attention from someone who accepts and understands is something special and maybe even something we have over the rest of the world who can't state so clearly and emphatically what would make them feel loved. The risk is in being fulfilled only in such behavior but we all balance the dangers of excess and obsession in many aspects of our lives.

    I'd be interested in hearing how well or how poorly my thoughts play out in practice. Any with experience in this area care to confirm or propose alternatives?

  2. #2

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    Ahh, so what you're saying is something along the lines of us as a community overlooking the fact (sometimes) that maybe we have thing's somewhat better than people with other kinks and "normals". Please tell me if that's really the meaning behind your post, I just skimmed through it quickly.

    I actually agree with you, yes it is hard to find someone to share your desire with, but this interest isn't the worst thing in the world. There are people out there who accept this part of us, but in terms of some other fetishes there may not be as many active outlet's for ones desire. As for "normals", I do not know, They seem to have things easier from the eyes of a TB; but then again they may be in the same boat as we are.

    Also, nice choice on the title. My girlfriend really likes puns, I'm thinkin this will amuse her to no end.

    -Ron

  3. #3
    jeffiewe

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    Yes it brings us together in a way

  4. #4

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    Was I the only one who read the title and thought of the blood type?

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ronbeast View Post
    Ahh, so what you're saying is something along the lines of us as a community overlooking the fact (sometimes) that maybe we have thing's somewhat better than people with other kinks and "normals". Please tell me if that's really the meaning behind your post, I just skimmed through it quickly.

    I actually agree with you, yes it is hard to find someone to share your desire with, but this interest isn't the worst thing in the world. There are people out there who accept this part of us, but in terms of some other fetishes there may not be as many active outlet's for ones desire. As for "normals", I do not know, They seem to have things easier from the eyes of a TB; but then again they may be in the same boat as we are.

    Also, nice choice on the title. My girlfriend really likes puns, I'm thinkin this will amuse her to no end.

    -Ron
    Close, but I really meant to include the non-sexual side of any other kink as appropriate. Just as another example, two latex lovers who were together also share a common enough frame of reference would have a similar rapport outside of any sexual activity. Any "normal" couple with open lines of communication could certainly construct this over time but even a casual reading of relationship advice columns shows how difficult this kind of communication can be for people. With ABs or other kinky folks, when it's out there, the conversation is already started. I don't think we ultimately want anything different from anyone else, we just have different ways of achieving that feeling.

    To look at what you're saying, I suppose it's possible that an AB may have things even a bit easier than other people with kinks as it's often a replication of what is already a loving relationship (parent/caregiver to child), although pet to pet owner to take another example flows along similar lines. It's all love and sharing in one another but the details are specific to particular tastes. Any two people with similar tastes who can get together seem to have a natural advantage, particularly when the exposure of those tastes is embarassing. Once that's recognized, the fun can really start, right?

    Thanks about the title. I often have a hard time with those but this one hit me just as I finished.



    Quote Originally Posted by kwis View Post
    Was I the only one who read the title and thought of the blood type?
    You should, it's a pun title!
    Last edited by Trevor; 01-May-2011 at 09:27. Reason: fixing a typo.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    You should, it's a pun title!
    =D

    Well regardless I think it is much easier to bond with other *B/DLs and I have made some pretty deep connections with people on this site who I hope to one day meet. (^.^)

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by kwis View Post
    Was I the only one who read the title and thought of the blood type?
    Perhaps. I originally thought he was going to talk about something that was ABDL friendly, for often where I live the term for things that are [blank] friendly is "[blank] positive". Of course, after he mentioned that it gave him an idea for a great title, the pun suddenly hit me, and I laughed. I love puns.


    On a totally disjointed point: I love your writing style, Trevor.

    On the point of the actual article: I haven't given this subject a great deal of thought, so I am unequipped to answer this fully. I do think our sense of community, as short a time I have been here, has been amazing to experience. People are very accepting, and yes, this site is definitely about more than diapers.

    Of the existence of a unique connection between ABDLs, however, I am uncertain. I think that perhaps any members of any sort of specific, perhaps niche, community would share this sort of connection, particularly if it relates to a lifestyle choice.


    I may return and edit this later, though it is unlikely; I feel this may deserve more thought, and I am simply unable to provide that today.

  8. #8

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    Hi all,

    As the girlfriend of a man who has only very recently shared his DL-ism with me, I am very interested in this discussion. However I am about to answer the OP's question with a question (which is something I usually dislike when it is done to me... but here goes!)

    In terms of what you are talking about, how important is it for your partner to be equally into the fantasy or fetish, as opposed to simply appreciating your love or desire for it and being willing to indulge you because they love you?

    I ask this because in my (very limited) experience so far, I do not feel the same way about diapers or being babied, (although I know never to say never), but I love that my boyfriend is so excited by it. Therefore I am happy to explore it with him and participate in any way he wants, as long as it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable, which so far it hasn’t.

    Do you think you as an AB/DL would always be aware your partner was just doing it for you, albeit willingly, or would this not matter as long as your needs were being met?

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vanities View Post
    Hi all,

    As the girlfriend of a man who has only very recently shared his DL-ism with me, I am very interested in this discussion. However I am about to answer the OP's question with a question (which is something I usually dislike when it is done to me... but here goes!)

    In terms of what you are talking about, how important is it for your partner to be equally into the fantasy or fetish, as opposed to simply appreciating your love or desire for it and being willing to indulge you because they love you?

    I ask this because in my (very limited) experience so far, I do not feel the same way about diapers or being babied, (although I know never to say never), but I love that my boyfriend is so excited by it. Therefore I am happy to explore it with him and participate in any way he wants, as long as it doesnít make me feel uncomfortable, which so far it hasnít.

    Do you think you as an AB/DL would always be aware your partner was just doing it for you, albeit willingly, or would this not matter as long as your needs were being met?
    Thanks for responding. Don't worry about the answering a question with a question thing, it's all about having an interesting and illuminating discussion. The original thrust of my post was about the emotional power of two ABs meeting on essentially common ground because they share a similar frame of reference. I can't say we share the same frame of reference as we all feel differently about this but the community has produced a common language and I've found when talking to others that with a little explanation, we can generally get to clarity on things. An AB with a non-AB who is communicative still seems to me to have a potential advantage in a supportive relationship as the conversational ground has been broken and there should be an understanding that there is intrinsically a need or desire that will not be met without some conversation. The problem is that this can be an embarassing subject for anyone and perhaps moreso when the partner doesn't share the kink, so the whole thing requires more effort.

    To your specific question, I can only answer for myself: if my partner didn't have anything to trade off with, i.e., something that curled up their toes in pleasure but didn't particuarly do anything for me other than make me happy to make them happy, I think I'd find it sort of uncomfortable. I suppose if I got proper assurance that this was alright and that my partner was well-pleased and fulfilled, I could adjust but I'd hate to feel like I was imposing with it. It'd probably be better if I could just accept the gift graciously but I think I'd find it difficult.

    I hope we'll hear more from others on your question as well as more comments from my original post.

  10. #10

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    Thank you for your answer Trevor. It's great to have somewhere to ask these questions and get measured and honest responses.

    For myself, and in answer to your original question, I am a member of a 12 step fellowship community, and although the two things are completely unrelated, I think the sense of shared experience, common language, and frame of reference are alike. I have found it is much easier to relate to and form strong emotional bonds with others in my fellowship than in the "outside world". For a start the level of honesty and self awareness is far far higher. I wonder if in these respects your community is similar?

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