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Thread: At War with Myself... Again

  1. #1

    Unhappy At War with Myself... Again

    It's been awhile since I've been in a Binge/Purger stage. I've actually floated in a happy middle space where I was fine being me and being "little".

    The quotations are necessary in this instance, and that's what I'm having the most trouble with. Being AB without a Daddy for so long, I had gotten used to being little on my own. It did everything I needed: creating a comforting mental space that got rid of all the bad that had happened throughout the day and letting me express the immature part of me that is so relevant.

    But now I have a Daddy, and I love him very much. He knows all about this part of me and how important it is to me. We've been through all the discussions and the various points of concern...

    But I can't do it. I can't seem to let myself go there right now. I don't think he realizes it, and I've been able to regress a little further each time but it's never were I need it to be.

    And it's starting to take it's toll on me. I get over emotional because everything is building up inside me and I can't let it out. I feel like I need to be little in order to get those emotions out and because they make me feel way too vulnerable. But I can't let them out and that makes me even MORE upset than I was before.

    And to add yet ANOTHER layer onto this already confusing puzzle: I feel like I need it so bad, i've been looking to buy a whole ton of diapers and stuff. I stop before I do, but I have this bingey feeling of need that isn't going away.

    It's a warring cycle that isn't ending and I don't know what to do with it, or how to break out of it.

  2. #2


    I'm not sure that I have any really good advice for your situation but do you think it is the addition of this other person who is causing your feelings? Maybe you should step back and try regressing on your own again. I understand wanting to buy tons of stuff but it is a form of what I refer to as retail therapy, or buying stuff to fill an emotional void. It might give you temporary satisfaction but until you work out what is causing that void in the first place, you won't be completely satisfied.

    Wishing you all the best and we are all here to support you.

  3. #3


    I think it might be the addition of my Daddy that have caused it, but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. The only reason it's so hard, is because I don't know how to let myself regress in this case. He doesn't know how to help something that is almost completely based on emotions for me.

    And even regressing on my own anymore doesn't work. It no longer comforts or helps me in anyway. It's kinda sad, using sippy cups just for the sake of using them when they don't make you feel good anymore. Might as well use just a regular glass. Same with binkies and other stuff.

    I realize the retail therepy part, which is why I don't actually buy anything. I stop myself before that actually happens.

  4. #4


    Could it be that you feel obliged to indulge in the regression now another willing party is involved? You are of course an adult with adult and mature problems on your mind and how are you ever to be "little" with such things over your head. Instead of of trying to forget about your problems by regressing, try to more your thoughts to another metaphysical part of your mind and forget them so you can enjoy your regression and time with your daddy, then come back to them later.

    You need to be in the right frame of mind to regress, and to do that you should put everything else temporally out of your mind. Don't use the regression as a solution, but as a fun indulgence of relaxation and regression. Remember to always talk to your daddy about how you are feeling so he act accordingly, you may just need a snuggle from him

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