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Thread: Boyfriend Problems

  1. #1

    Unhappy Boyfriend Problems

    Okay I'm gonna be up-front here and just get straight down to the point.

    Basically someone who knows me personally found diaper pics that I had uploaded (I know it was stupid) and well basically at the end of my senior year (last year) quite a few people knew, people I really didn't need nor want knowing -_-. But that's not what I'm here to inquire about I'm over that I left that area for college and well didn't look back well just yet anyways, but I just had to give some info to clarify what I need to ask.

    Well....oddly enough the previous images had found their way across the computer of one person who I'd never thought I'd meet in that bizarre way. Last November a guy who had seen the photos added me to facebook

    He didn't mention the pic whatsoever,

    (I'd learn later by inquiring as to what prompted him to add me which he responded "I saw where somoene had posted immature photos of you" way to be nice about it and not be a jerk eh?)

    he was nice, kind, etc... well basically perfect and he's now currently my boyfriend (coincidence that we live close by). He's still the same but now that we've been together for a while he well...um...wants to know what was up about all of it anyways. I really just don't have it in me to explain it. I mean I guess I was silly to hope that it'd never come up.

    He's not rude, never has been, I mean seriously I can't think of anything he's done wrong except for maybe call me too much (repeatedly) when I start to write papers just a couple hours before they're due.

    I just don't know what I need to say =/; and another odd thing is that when I'm with him and stuff for some reason I just don't care about diapers. They lose any and all appeal they once had. Don't want anything to do with them zip zilch zero

    What should I do? I suspect he could possibly have some kind of attraction to it (don't ask me what, idk), but no matter how hypocritical it may sound if he did...I don't know if it could work.

    I guess I just have two different ideals when it comes to when I just want "fun" and then a serious relationship, and I don't want to mix the two =/

    Sorry I'm kinda odd and this post is kind of long but I guess I um idk I feel like it's okay for it to be this long. I just need to be able to talk to him; I hate the fact that he knows, claims he doesn't understand what's wrong and why I can't tell him, and if I weren't scared of him leaving me (Highly doubt it'd happen, but we all have our fears) I'd tell him :/. I mean if his first impression didn't push him away -_- surely just the truth wouldn't either right?

    I know this post is long and maybe even kind of disorganized, but please some helpful advice would be dearly appreciated right now =/.

  2. #2

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    Hi,
    Just my 2 cents worth- you don't need'ta explain anything you're not comfortable talking 'bout at this stage of'tha relationship. I think that. were I faced with this, I might respond with something like "it involves a part of my life I may tell you about, but later, when I'm ready". A bit awkward perhaps, but certainly not'ta lie.
    Oh, and as for too long' a post, I'm ADHD. Our motto is "never write a note when a novel will do"

  3. #3

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    Thanks I just figured that well things between us are going very fast =/ maybe even borderline um idk how to say it but it has gone fast...and we're both comfortable with it and well we'll soon be a BIG part of each others lives every day; I mean as in my car will soon be our car, his dog will be our dog, and well it will be "our place." So while yeah I'm not completely comfortable with it's more or less that well to someone who isn't part of the whole scene is embarassing to talk about, the reactions are scary I mean I'm hoping he's going to be understanding, but I do owe him something =/

  4. #4

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    OK, here's the thing: when someone accepts you, they don't accept any one particular thing about you. They accept you as the "whole package of you". If he loves you, either you will able to reach a compromise where both of you get the acceptance you need from each other, or you won't, and at that point, honest discussion is the most productive thing one can do.

    Definitely, there are different things that you may accept about each other in different amounts. For example, he may not be aroused by diapers himself, but he should be able to accomodate your desires to wear them, if you have those desires. All I can say is: honest discussion and compromise.

    Try not to worry, as that will make the experience more difficult.

    One more thing, actually: I have found that not discussing needs is not the best move, overall. Eventually, unless those needs are met, they may "make themselves met", sometimes with serious personal or social consequences.

  5. #5

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by harold42 View Post
    Where did they find the pics?
    That's not important; I've had enough trouble over them being seen and I DON'T freaking want that to happen, sorry; and I don't mean to sound rude but after reading what I had wrote and writing that I just find that type of question extremely rude.

    But yeah, like I said in my post when I'm with him the whole diaper thing is a TURN OFF to be honest so I don't really find it a 'need' as in I don't need it no compromise about it is necessary.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Troubled View Post
    That's not important; I've had enough trouble over them being seen and I DON'T freaking want that to happen, sorry; and I don't mean to sound rude but after reading what I had wrote and writing that I just find that type of question extremely rude.

    But yeah, like I said in my post when I'm with him the whole diaper thing is a TURN OFF to be honest so I don't really find it a 'need' as in I don't need it no compromise about it is necessary.
    Sorry about that.

  8. #8

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    I think what Harold meant was, what kind of site did you have them posted on. It seems odd that, over the millions billions of pieces of information that are on the internet that someone from your town, in it your school found the photos. It may lead to...awkward questions on the finders part . Not my place to inquire. I don't expect an answer, but, honestly, I could expect a rebuke.

    ~Hal0ispwnd

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Oranges View Post
    OK, here's the thing: when someone accepts you, they don't accept any one particular thing about you. They accept you as the "whole package of you". If he loves you, either you will able to reach a compromise where both of you get the acceptance you need from each other, or you won't, and at that point, honest discussion is the most productive thing one can do.

    Definitely, there are different things that you may accept about each other in different amounts. For example, he may not be aroused by diapers himself, but he should be able to accomodate your desires to wear them, if you have those desires. All I can say is: honest discussion and compromise.

    Try not to worry, as that will make the experience more difficult.

    One more thing, actually: I have found that not discussing needs is not the best move, overall. Eventually, unless those needs are met, they may "make themselves met", sometimes with serious personal or social consequences.
    I agree completely.

    I met somebody who has become very special in my life, and we've both been very very open-minded with each other. He knows about my infantilism--my desire to be diapered and cuddled--and I know about his quirks. We've both shared painful memories, and we've both shared the highlights of our days. We talk to each other a lot, and there are no barriers (and when there are, he and I are both courageous-enough to admit when either of us is feeling vulnerable or uncomfortable).

    Keeping stuff secret puts up a wall, but when you break through this wall--and willing your boyfriend be as open-minded and eager to learn about you--this has the potential to bring you two even closer.

    Yet again, you have to be comfortable-enough with yourself to be able to do this. Sharing can help a little bit, but if it's too much don't do it.

    I've recommended this book once before, already, but I'll recommend it again: read "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. My boyfriend and I have both read through it together, and it's helped us to grow closer since.

    ---my two cents.

  10. #10

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    All good advise from above. Sooner or later you will need to approach the subject, because he asked. I would explain to him what you have told us. Several sentences should cover it, as well as you saying that you're not ready to share it yet, that it makes you uncomfortable.

    Even though I'm married with children, when I was in college, I had a male lover, someone whom I love immeasurably to this day. We shared almost all aspects of our lives with each other, but I never told him about the diaper side of my life. I was too embarrassed, so I think I understand where you're coming from. You might tell him just that, that it's embarrassing and you're not quite ready to share. If he loves you, and I suspect he does from what you have said, he will understand.

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