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Thread: Some AB relationship advice for a DL

  1. #1

    Default Some AB relationship advice for a DL

    So here's the deal...

    I'm in a long term relationship and before I moved in with my girlfriend I wanted to tell her about my desires and feelings regarding my habits. This was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I was totally stressed out when I told her. The reason why I told her was two-fold, I didn't want her to freak out if she came home one day to find me wearing a diaper and dealing with that mess, (no pun, I just wet) and two, if I was lucky, maybe she would want to be a part of that side of me. Thankfully she was totally cool about it, although she was weirded out at first (which was completely understandable). After that, I moved in and we really didn't discuss it further. After a few months of being together, I was really jonesing to wear and bought a pack. She got concerned because she thought it was something lacking within our relationship that caused me to buy. I explained it had nothing to do with her, it was just part of who I am, with or without her. I also bought a pacifier online and I was secretive about it, but she ended up being really understanding. Sometimes she will let me wear (when we are both inebriated, usually) and a couple of times she has diapered me.

    Lately, I have only been wearing when I'm home alone and she is working or away, the DL issue has always been some sort of a military thing (don't ask, don't tell...) and it's totally fine, but I constantly have to watch the time and hide my things in my stash before she gets home. This totally makes me feel like I'm back in high school, hiding not only my diapers, but my feelings and who I am as well. I don't want to make my girlfriend feel awkward or have our relationship strained, at the same time I really just want to be a little more out in the open (pacifier usage, maybe wearing) and I don't care if she participates or not. I find it hard to communicate regarding these issues. I know I am SUPER lucky to have somebody who loves me for who I am and understands me and I thank my lucky stars every day for that. Maybe I'm just being too selfish or wanting more than I can and should have, I just wish she would acknowledge that part of me so I don't feel so....confined.

    Has anybody been in a similar situation? I was just wondering if I could get some advice as to how to approach her and what I should say.


  2. #2


    Actually my situation is quite similar, same thing we moved in, I was extremely nervous about telling her the first time, she was also weirded out and we didn't talk about it for about a year and a half. At that time the DL in me was pushing to come out, so I told her again about being a diaper lover, this was just after sex so she was excited about it and interested. The next day however she came back with it being weird, uncomfortable and difficult to understand. So the next night she got to pick my brain and she aggreed that if the interest arrized she would try it. I started jonesing as you said for diapers and went out and got some on the weekend from a pharmacy, brought them back and there they sat for a while. I did the same thing I would wait until she left (plus when our 3 roomates) were gone to wear.

    Its been another year now and I have started getting more assertive with being DL. When I can I bring it up with her and try to make it sounds exciting, like a sexy way of bondage. Thats where I am now but intead of hiding my diapers, we have a sex toys and parafinilia box, I put a couple inside so it can remind her everytime she goes in there.

    ---------- Post added at 14:10 ---------- Previous post was at 14:05 ----------

    Also, another thing I have been doing is, during foreplay I have been dropping little hints to her like how sexy she would look in a diaper, or that it would be a huge turn on if she diapered me and told me how to please her. Nothing too up front at first. mainly talk to her and get a feel of how she feels about it. And most important do not push too hard too fast, take it slow, at her pace, try to follow her lead

  3. #3


    Lucky fellow! My fiance wasn't thrilled about it at all when I told her. I know that burning need to rock out with your diapers out, maybe you should just bring it up with her. Try to be casual with it, the more stressed you seem when you're talking about it the more she'll pick up that it's an embarrassing topic and she might feel more awkward.

    Either way, keep it slow and be level-headed. It took six years for me to get my fiance to the point where she could comfortably tolerate me in diapers and there were a few set backs where I went emo and just had to let my feelings rage. Those didn't help. Now that I'm at this point, it doesn't seem so important anymore - so just assess how important it is to you and go from there.

  4. #4


    Cool. Thanks for the good advice guys, I guess I just need to communicate it like any other thing that needs to be communicated in a relationship. Maybe I'm just over thinking this and she wants me to approach her about it. You never know until you try...So many awesome things you can do in a diaper in the bedroom!!!

  5. #5



    I'm coming at this situation from the opposite side. I have recently been told by my boyfriend of 8 months that he is a DL.

    I completely accept this part of him and am happy to play out his fantasies with him. I like how excited he gets.

    However, I'm just worried that he is going to want to indulge every time we are together, and also about the mommy dynamic (which I find a little odd when sex is concerned), and also that I want to be seen as an attractive, desirable woman and not just the caregiver....

    Maybe you can help me with some of this?

  6. #6


    Quote Originally Posted by Vanities View Post

    I'm coming at this situation from the opposite side. I have recently been told by my boyfriend of 8 months that he is a DL.

    I completely accept this part of him and am happy to play out his fantasies with him. I like how excited he gets.

    However, I'm just worried that he is going to want to indulge every time we are together, and also about the mommy dynamic (which I find a little odd when sex is concerned), and also that I want to be seen as an attractive, desirable woman and not just the caregiver....

    Maybe you can help me with some of this?
    Having been through this particular subject with my wife, and discussing that very aspect, what I suggest is to speak honestly with him about it, share your concerns, and definitely don't wait around for him to "get over it". Open communication is crucial in any relationship, but even more so when one has a fetish that the other doesn't necessarily enjoy (i.e. you're not necessarily "into" being the mommy, but you do it because you love him and you enjoy the intensity from him).

  7. #7


    All good comments from above. I hid my diapers and desires from my wife for many years. As a teacher, she worked on Fridays, and as a church musician, I had Fridays off, so I indulged while I stayed home and cleaned house. But eventually she had to retire when she went on dialysis. I actually came to this site for advise and the members told me to be honest with her. She was very accepting.

    I asked if she'd mind if I wore to bed and she said she didn't. Eventually she started buying me things like footed jammies, stuffed animals, and now I always drink from my sippy cup. The important thing is communication. People's feelings will change over time.

    It's also about give and take. If I wear at night, when the dialysis machine goes off, I go to the bathroom and change so I don't smell when I take my wife off the machine in the morning. I think as diaper lovers and wearers, we need to be respective of our spouses who may not be driven by this strange fetish.

    Vanities, I'm glad you came to this site to seek information. I think you are perfectly in your right to ask for balance. There might be a time to work diapers into either your love making, or just expressing affection, and at the same time, you certainly are entitled to have the man you thought you married, make love to you in the traditional way, if that's what you want and need. There are times I am a man to my wife, most of the time actually, and there are those times I like to lay close to her and have her rub me when I am diapered and in my footted jammies, clutching my teddy bear.

    Humans are damn complicated, aren't they!

  8. #8


    Very good point, I'm not going to force the issue if she doesn't feel comfortable, I just want to try and find the right balance. Wanting to be diapered and wear kids clothing are desires I will always have, however, I don't want that to interfere with my day to day funnctioning as somebody within a serious, long term relationship.

    I would, however, like to feel like I can be myself and accepted when I want to act childish and do childish things and not feel ashamed of who I am. For sure this is a communication issue for me, it's just a hard issue to bring up and discuss and maybe I am going about it the wrong way. If I may ask, how did your boyfriend bring up the subject Vanities?

  9. #9


    I'm not really sure how to deal with the DL side of things in a relationship. When I included a significant other about my little side it was always TB/AB. I guess my first real relationships were after I transitioned from DL to *B. I'm not sure why but if I was the sig. other going out with someone from our community I think the *B side would be easier to handle. I'm not to sure why I feel that way, to each is their own I suppose.

    Um, the best advice I can give is when you talk to her make sure she understands just how big a part of you this is. A lot of people, and I'm guilty of it myself, downplay it when they tell someone. And then when this side of you starts to shine through the cracks they realize it is bigger then you let on and this person is suddenly overwhelmed. I made the same mistake with my ex. Now my current gf is fully in on how important it is to me. If I go to put a diaper on when she's over she makes me let her. Same goes for when I pee, she has to change me whether I like it or not (as if I won't right? :P). We colour in colouring books and cuddle a lot. I think a lot of it is how I told her and how I explained my feelings. Had I downplayed it the first time I told her I don't think it would have went down the same.

  10. #10



    I am in a long term relationship with my lovely girl... she's not into diapers at any rate - but she tolerates me wearing them.
    To bed. at home... whererever... she doesn't mind.
    BUT we had lots of talk about this - I'm what you'd consider a dl... no ab stuff for me - and I explained as best as I could.
    She confessed some of her kinks too... ...
    Though she accepts my diaper-side - she doesn't find the diapers especially attractive or anything remotely erotic...
    Which I totally respect...
    and that brings me to an important point in the whole relationship-thing: BE RESPECTFUL.
    it can be small things - when you wear, make it less "obvious" - I mean don't practically rub it in her face by walking around in nothing but a t-shirt & diaper.
    if I wear to bed (mostly every night) I wear normal boxer shorts over them...
    When wearing during the day I choose discrete - thinner - diapers and wear those under my everyday cloth in a fashion no one would know I do wear diapers.
    I change myself (which is fine with me - it's not part of my fantasy to get changed by her, not at all... would find it rather awkward)... and take care of the diapers... I wrap them up in plastic-throw-away bags and keep a seprated "hidden" trash which I empty frequently.
    I shower often & wash well after wearing - I DON't Want to smell like pee! she wouldn't like that (and neither would I btw.)...
    My "stash" is in a seprate closet, that way she doesn't have to rummage through my diapers to find her stuff
    and if we have sex - the diapers come off! ... no diapered foreplay or something - she's not really cool with that - and I'm perfectly ok with this.

    it's a simple mixture of moderation & respect... mutual of course.

    well... talk talk talk... communication is everything!

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