I've come to a conclusion, that I don't like diapers... But yet I do.
I am only attracted to them sexually, and I don't know why. Sometimes when I get them I wear them for comfort and/or convenience - nothing sexual.
But lately, I've been thinking, that liking diapers is really inconvenient. It just is.
There is the pain of being secretive, and lying everywhere. Buying the diapers and going through the hassle of nearly spewing anxiety everywhere (Though I must admit that I am getting better), and also the fact that you have to hide them, and when you use them, sneek around, clean yourself discretely, then hold on to the used diapers until you are ready to throw them out.
Right now, I am becoming more confident and am starting to see people for the courtship process. Diapers would only put a damper on the situation.
Diapers are just generally unsanitary, and unsafe. For men and women, they can cause unwanted heat, which causes sweat (For men, heat can damage testicles, and they should really be freer anyway). When used, there is no doubt about the health issues. You also begin to smell, most of the time. I have undergone a drastic change in my view about diapers.
I used to think "eh, I'm all right. Liking diapers is no bother to anyone else. I like them, why should I care what others think?" but lately I've been agitated with the idea of diapers, and sometimes feel dread when I remember all the times when I nearly got caught, actually getting caught a few times in various situations, etc. Just a blanket of dread thinking I'll have to keep doing that, and the constant doubts and reassurances in my head that I am already caught or not! It's a battle. Not to mention the fear that my parents already know, and they are keeping it quiet, yet thinking I am some kind of pedophile! (Which is not true, and not true of many diaper lovers (except the ones on the damn news lately <_<))
I need to grow up.
Now, I am not denying or discriminating anyone who would like to wear diapers out of comfort, fetish, etc. If you want to, go ahead, but I need to move on.
Perhaps its the current situation in my life, but I feel like I would feel the same no matter what my lifestyle would be. There is universal dismal I have to diapers, now.
Does anyone have any clues, ideas, or tips to getting rid, hushing, quelling, or ending this fetish of mine?
I know all the arguments:
"Embrace yourself! This is who you are! This is a part of you! Love yourself! You can't just stop!" etc. etc.