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Thread: Biting the helping hand

  1. #1

    Default Biting the helping hand

    Ok, no details, but here's the main idea. My sibling is ill, but not physically. I try my best to help, always being available to talk, etc. I have even bailed them out (financially) after all 3 previous episodes.
    I am sick and tired of doing it. I feel like a monster for being uncaring. It would be different if they (I'm being non specific for a reason) would admit that they are horrible to everyone during an episode, after the fact. However, it's always the same... People are persecuting me, it's (insert name here)'s fault, and the like. Never taking any personal responsibility, and becoming hostile if someone confronts them.
    Am I really a horrible person? I just can't take it anymore, I am sick of helping, and never even getting a "thanks".

  2. #2


    The question is too vague.
    But if you are tired of helping him hour, I would suggest, you put an end to it. If the person is dragging you down financially, just say no.
    Talk with your sibling, and help them out, at the least. But what do I know, my good-advice days are pretty much over.
    We don't know the situation, so the best I can say is to have a heart-to-heart talk.
    Good Luck!

  3. #3


    Andrew, thanks for your reply. As for the details, I have tried to talk to my sibling, repeatedly, both during episodes, and while stable. That's when I get the "I'm being persecuted, I'm being harassed, I'm not sick"... On and on. The rest of the family keeps putting me in the position of being the one who "has to" deal with them. No one else will take any action.

  4. #4


    Mental illness never goes. Even between the sever episodes the problem still exists. Your sibling needs constant treatment.

    Whether they mean to or not, people tend to treat the mentally ill worse than "normal" people. Some times it because they can't relate, and sometimes it's out of frustration. Your family should not place the full burden of dealing with your sibling on you. You should work as a family to get your sibling the help they need.

  5. #5


    My biggest worry is that I'm a horrible person for wishing I didn't have to deal with this, while a tiny fragment of my mind wishes furiously that I could get even a fraction of the attention focused on my sibling. My entire life has been in their shadow, I have never rated as high as them with our family.
    I'm just so tired of it all.

  6. #6
    Butterfly Mage


    My sister is pretty ill from a psychological perspective too. She's basically a non-violent sociopath. Her behavior has basically brought me to the conclusion that I can't really have a whole lot to do with her. The last straw for me was how she said she'd help take care of my terminally-ill mother but then abandoned mom on Christmas Eve without telling anyone. My brother lives an hour away and I live four hours away. She had lived up the street from mom.

    Likewise, my sister stole money from my grandmother when she was ill. She left her first husband bankrupt. She left her second husband with $70,000 in debt. She got her boyfriend to pay the full price of the divorce for her second husband and then she left that man too (after taking all his money, of course).

    She hasn't contacted me since Christmas since I am pretty sure she knows I'll lay her out flat. But I suppose when she runs out of cash, she'll show up. But I won't have a penny for her. Nor will me spouse. Nor will my brother.

  7. #7


    your not at all. Why should you have to deal and no one else helps? It takes alot out of you, and for the financial part, I would just downright say no.

    You tryed, but it seems as this is a reoccuring situation, I would just get out, your not a bad person for looking out after yourself, especally when you have tryed many times to help the other person out to no avail.

  8. #8


    If your trying desperately to help, and all your sibling does is drag you down accusing you, then it probably isn't your fault to begin with. If anything, I would order a straight-jacket in your siblings size... I would simply say "I'm sorry, but I cannot help you this time." and depart.

  9. #9


    My wife and I have helped her brother out, and he lived with us for half a year, but then, that was enough. I contacted his parents, also my wife's parents, and said he's got to live with you. To this day he lives with his 89 year old mother. Some people will never get better, nor will they want to help themselves. Eventually, you have to cut yourself free from them, or they will drag you down into insanity. That's not a solution either.

  10. #10


    Thanks for all the support. It's really helped. I think what has me most stressed is trying to confront my own feelings. I have been "the family failure" my entire life, while they have been "the golden child". I've never figured it out, and now I just feel used by all sides. My sibling is the one who was always perfect-regardless of what they do. I could be awarded a Nobel Prize, and my family wouldn't even watch, much less attend, but such is life.

    I have decided to remove myself from the situation, and am no longer taking calls from my sibling. I have spoken with their S/O, and they know that I support their decisions, but refuse to bog myself down anymore. As usual, the rest of my family is pissed with me, but they will either get over it, or deal with it. I can't drive myself to the breaking point for my sibling anymore, if I do, who would pick up MY pieces?
    Thanks folks. it's great to finally have a place to talk this kind of thing out.

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