So, I've been hiding in'tha corner forra while now (I'mtha one behind'tha bookcase in'tha shadows). I finally decided to come out and join'tha discussion, so here goes ( I now pause to review the "cheat sheet" sticky).
Who I am: by day, a webmonkey. I do boring web stuff forra large company. I'm kinda undecided where this might lead-whether or not to stay in'tha field or move another direction...
I'm spending lot'sa time these days getting to know my ADHD, and it's best friend depression. I was diagnosed with'tha depression several years back, but only found out about'tha ADHD a couple of years ago. So far, my attitude towards it is " a gift - with caveats".
Also trying'ta figure out'tha whole "gender - and where I fit" thing. That this seems'ta be somehow linked to'tha ADHD, and by default a contributor to'tha depression, helps not at all...
Why I'm here: OK, at least 2 reasons-
First is "urge incontinence". It isn't all'tha time, but I haven't figured out what triggers it. I've thought maybe food, or time of day, or stress, or ???. One thing I'm sure didn't help was something that happened a couple of years ago. I'd just been diagnosed with ADHD and had started taking medication for it along with my anti-depressant. The 2 didn't play well with each other and I wound up with'a really bad reaction called "Serotonin Syndrome". For like 8 - 10 hours my body was just shaking uncontrollably. It was like I couldn't shut my muscles off and/or relax. Everything was firing at once. After that I was a basket case for days after as my body felt like it'd been beaten with sticks, and I felt like a zombie. Ever since that, I've had the prob with'tha incontinence thing. From everything I've read, it seems my whole nerveous system was on terrible overload during that time - which probably caused some damage. Also, as the muscles were also maxed out during that time, there was prolly some damage there too. So the result is - lot'sa times, when I haf'ta go, I have'ta go "right now"...like within less than'na minute. If I don't, I leak. For dealing with daytime issues I like Goodnites pull-ups with'a Kotex overnight as a booster. It's thin enough that it doesn't show (I don't think) under my jeans. It deals with any leakage pretty well.
At night it wakes me up 2-3 times, and I have'ta run pee right then. I really hate that 'cause I have a hard time going back'ta sleep then. For then I add a 2nd kotex and'a Depends diaper. It's not bomb proof, but it's pretty good.
The other reason I'm here is that I've found I truly LOVE diapers -they just feel so *right*. I spend sooo much of my day trying'ta control & cope with the urge thing- not drinking fluids, going'ta pee before a meeting (yet still having'ta excuse myself 1/2 through), so as to not have an accident. I just get tired of it. I'm quickly getting to'tha point I use diapers all'tha time when at home...'specially'tha weekends.
Also, to be honest, they totally work with my whole "gender, self concept, who I am" thing. I've known I was sissy from, like, forever, but have only recently started discovering the "me" within. In'tha 2 years (so far) of counseling for ADHD, I've learned I have a huge control issue. I try'ta control my worrld, and protect it from the outside "normy" world. I also know that, inside, there'sa a *little one* who's very vulnerable, and hates'tha whole control thing. Little One loves her diapers, 'cause they let her be herself.
I hope that makes sense...
Other stuff I like'ta do: I love reading- everything from SciFi to self-help (Ken Robinson is my current obsession). I also love foriegn films ('specially good anime), projects around'tha house (enthusiastic amateur in all things), campoing & backpacking (haven't tried 'packing with diapers yet. Not sure how that's gonna work out), and spending waaay too much time trying'ta figure out all the facets that make up *me*.
Ugh, one of'tha hallmarks of ADHD is "never write a note when a novel will do". I think Tolstoy or Faulkner would be proud of this.
Questions? Please feel free'ta ask...