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Thread: Marriage issues and a friend...

  1. #1

    Unhappy Marriage issues and a friend...

    My best friend is getting married in a few weeks and she got the marriage license yesterday. First of all, I'm glad for her. I'm happy to see her so excited about something and I know the husband will do only good to her.

    However, last night... I felt like going insane. All she talked about was getting the license, getting married, wedding parties, and even the bachelorette party... which I'm invited to cause I'm gay. (I felt a little insulted... because I'm gay, I could go... not that I'm a great friend or open or anything. DX ) But as she talked on about, I wanted to say that I don't wanna hear about it, but know for sure (from previous experiences) that would upset her and that she'll believe I'm always never happy for her.

    I truly am happy for her, its just marriages are a sore subject for me. Maybe the fact that I'm gay, and can't get married, or the fact I believe marriage to be overrated. Let alone, the last two marriages I've went too never been good to me... the first being my first love marrying someone else, and my brother marriage forced me to move out. Maybe I fear worse to come to me when they do get married.

    I don't know... just feel emotional stuck in situations where all she does is rant about the wedding and marriage, and all I can do is bite my tongue and listen.

    So, asking for any advice and what to do... I hate biting my tongue, but don't wish to upset her (I know it would). And if anyone else dealt with times like this as well.

  2. #2

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    This is one of those situations where you do need to bite your tongue.

    Marriage is not the happiest subject for many people; for others, however, it's expected to be one of the happiest moments of their lives. She's excited about it, and this is an event that she's going to want to ride that excitement to. People are notoriously annoying around a wedding, but it's what happens. Don't let your own alternative views of marriage influence hers, or influence her happiness during this time, either.

    If you find it being too much to handle, find reasons to be elsewhere while she bubbles over with marriage-happy. It'll save your ears!

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by KittyHeart View Post
    My best friend is getting married in a few weeks and she got the marriage license yesterday. First of all, I'm glad for her. I'm happy to see her so excited about something and I know the husband will do only good to her.

    However, last night... I felt like going insane. All she talked about was getting the license, getting married, wedding parties, and even the bachelorette party... which I'm invited to cause I'm gay. (I felt a little insulted... because I'm gay, I could go... not that I'm a great friend or open or anything. DX ) But as she talked on about, I wanted to say that I don't wanna hear about it, but know for sure (from previous experiences) that would upset her and that she'll believe I'm always never happy for her.

    I truly am happy for her, its just marriages are a sore subject for me. Maybe the fact that I'm gay, and can't get married, or the fact I believe marriage to be overrated. Let alone, the last two marriages I've went too never been good to me... the first being my first love marrying someone else, and my brother marriage forced me to move out. Maybe I fear worse to come to me when they do get married.

    I don't know... just feel emotional stuck in situations where all she does is rant about the wedding and marriage, and all I can do is bite my tongue and listen.

    So, asking for any advice and what to do... I hate biting my tongue, but don't wish to upset her (I know it would). And if anyone else dealt with times like this as well.
    Don't be a drama-tard.

    It is your friend's day. Don't fuck it up. Besides, she's already married, as she has the license.

  4. #4

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    I have to agree with Dawes on this. You can politely refuse to join in on some of the festivities outside of the actual marriage, but you should not let your views ruin her moment.

  5. #5

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    I feel bad about myself now. Maybe I just needed to vent, and now sorta feel selfish this all.

    Thanks for the honesty, I know its her day.



    Quote Originally Posted by h3g3l View Post
    Don't be a drama-tard.
    I feel like one now. -_-;

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by KittyHeart View Post
    I feel bad about myself now. Maybe I just needed to vent, and now sorta feel selfish this all.

    Thanks for the honesty, I know its her day.



    I feel like one now. -_-;
    Meh. Don't worry about it. Just go and support your friend ... and put up with her gushing over how great everything is, etc. : )

  7. #7

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    I know. I'm always there for her... but I think all the stress is getting to me. I know none of it is her fault. Good thing is that its soon... and hopefully things get back to normal after it.

    Let alone... not being in a relationship and not having one that mattered to me in the past years, and all I'm hearing from her is (unattentional) my relationship is so great. It nags at me, but then I remind myself that it's wrong to think that. >.<

  8. #8

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    Don't be too hard on yourself - she's your friend and you are worried about how marriage will change her, right? You have a right to worry about that because marriage can change people. But you still need to bite your tongue because it would be unfair to interfere. She is obviously very excited about it and even if you don't feel the same level of excitement, you should be there for her because she is your friend.

    Also - It's probably no big deal being the opposite sex at a bachelorette party but if it makes you uncomfortable, don't go. My friend brought his wife along to my bachelor party.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by KittyHeart View Post
    Let alone... not being in a relationship and not having one that mattered to me in the past years, and all I'm hearing from her is (unattentional) my relationship is so great. It nags at me, but then I remind myself that it's wrong to think that. >.<
    Ah, I know how this feels. I haven't ever been in a really serious relationship, but it seems like everybody around me is married, engaged, in a serious, long-term relationship, or asking me if I'm ever going to settle down with a nice guy. And then they go on kissing and hugging and gushing in front of you and you just feel like puking. You have to grin and bear it, but I can assure you that we're open to rants here.

    Gush with your friend and leave the negativity for something else. There are times when you need to say something to another person, but happy things usually aren't one of them. Marriage is, indeed, one of those things that most people will gush and squeal about, but it all returns to normal after the honeymoon, I can assure you.

    PS: I've had past lovers get married or find out that the sexy guy at Starbucks has a wedding band. I know this like the back of my hand and I'm kind of cynical about marriage now, to the point of saying 'Why the hell do rings and papers matter anyways?!' while drunkenly crying on bridges with my sis. Punching pillows like a pouty teenage girl totally helps.

  10. #10

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    Am I the only one that thinks it's weird for a guy to go to a bachlorette party, particularly because he's gay? ._.
    Does that imply that gay people shouldn't be invited to bachelor parties? Like... I dunno where I'm going with this. I just think it's weird.

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