I'll probably get moaned at by one or two people for cross posting from my blog, but I really need some input on this one, I'm in a high and dry place in regards to what I'm about to say and don't really know what to do about it or how to deal with it.
I've been thinking, dreaming and rp'ing a lot lately about what I thought was a fairly new part of myself, while I don't fully consider myself a sissy (pink in moderation is fine but way too many sissies go overboard and too much makes me go blech. I prefer soft lilacs, yellows and blues or purples)
But I do like the idea of dressing up as a girl occasionally.
The few times I've had the opportunity to wear girls / womens clothing its made me feel... well if I'm honest I'm not really sure how to explain it other than "right". a bit vague huh?
I don't get a raging wood on or anything like that, it just sorta feels right, as though its how I ought to be, but not in the Transgendered sense either. Fully male but in womens /girls clothes
Interestingly, being padded at the same time usually doesn't feel right, so its not me identifying as an LG either I don't think.
After thinking about it, rp'ing about it and even dreaming about it in the past month or so it's caused memories to resurface; I was caught on no less than three occasions as a child dressing in my sisters clothes.
At the youngest point it was dismissed as childish play, no different to all the little boys out there who try on mommy's shoes and hat.
Second time I don't really remember much of for whatever reasons, only that it did happen and the only witness was a sibling, after which much teasing ensued.
Third time was my father, not exactly how you'd want to find your 8 1/2 yo dressed, especially if they're a boy. I'd graduated to the full outfit then, undies and all.
After that it never really happened except once or twice for giggles with friends, they even gave the girly me her own name but I'd rather not share that here.
I don't really know why I'm typing this here now except a little confusion from it.
It feels like a new discovery to me, yet really, thinking back its always been there.
The main confusion over it is this; If there's no discernible sexual draw to it and its not gender dysphoria (as far as I can tell), then why do I have these feelings?