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Thread: Understanding myself

  1. #1

    Default Understanding myself

    I'll probably get moaned at by one or two people for cross posting from my blog, but I really need some input on this one, I'm in a high and dry place in regards to what I'm about to say and don't really know what to do about it or how to deal with it.

    I've been thinking, dreaming and rp'ing a lot lately about what I thought was a fairly new part of myself, while I don't fully consider myself a sissy (pink in moderation is fine but way too many sissies go overboard and too much makes me go blech. I prefer soft lilacs, yellows and blues or purples)
    But I do like the idea of dressing up as a girl occasionally.

    The few times I've had the opportunity to wear girls / womens clothing its made me feel... well if I'm honest I'm not really sure how to explain it other than "right". a bit vague huh?

    I don't get a raging wood on or anything like that, it just sorta feels right, as though its how I ought to be, but not in the Transgendered sense either. Fully male but in womens /girls clothes

    Interestingly, being padded at the same time usually doesn't feel right, so its not me identifying as an LG either I don't think.

    After thinking about it, rp'ing about it and even dreaming about it in the past month or so it's caused memories to resurface; I was caught on no less than three occasions as a child dressing in my sisters clothes.
    At the youngest point it was dismissed as childish play, no different to all the little boys out there who try on mommy's shoes and hat.

    Second time I don't really remember much of for whatever reasons, only that it did happen and the only witness was a sibling, after which much teasing ensued.

    Third time was my father, not exactly how you'd want to find your 8 1/2 yo dressed, especially if they're a boy. I'd graduated to the full outfit then, undies and all.

    After that it never really happened except once or twice for giggles with friends, they even gave the girly me her own name but I'd rather not share that here.

    I don't really know why I'm typing this here now except a little confusion from it.

    It feels like a new discovery to me, yet really, thinking back its always been there.
    The main confusion over it is this; If there's no discernible sexual draw to it and its not gender dysphoria (as far as I can tell), then why do I have these feelings?

  2. #2

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    Hmm... First, I always appreciate someone who takes time for self-discovery and self-introspection, so in that regards, congratulations on deciding to figure it out.

    As for what it means, I don't have a good answer for you. Perhaps like being a furry or being an AB, it's a manifestation of something that's always been there, but is not all-consuming. As I'm thinking on this, I realize that I can certainly identify with you in this regard. I personally enjoy pink, I have a very girlish Minnie romper (that presently doesn't fit, sadly), and I know I would enjoy wearing sissy dresses. I'm very much a male, and I have no desire to change that. I sometimes wonder in my own case if it's a subconscious rebellion against the facade of strength that men in western culture have to put forth. Even if I wanted to, I don't really know how to "relax" in some ways, so maybe it's sensitive side trying to shine forth. I dunno.

    I guess I'll say the same thing I say to people who are questioning their sexuality or their gender and don't feel as though they fit into one neat little label-Don't sweat the label. Labels are merely for ease of conversation for when you don't feel like explaining the minutia of the matter. Instead, take some time and delve a bit deeper into these recent self-discoveries, try to figure out not what it means or why or anything like that, but instead just figure out how these subtle sissy tendencies manifest themselves in you and how they relate to other facets of yourself. You said you're not an LG and you're not transgender, and that's fine. Just be you.

  3. #3

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    You can be a cross-dresser and not gay. I've never personally met someone who falls under that category, but I don't see why you wouldn't be able to. You can still live a perfectly normal life if you keep your girly side in the privacy of your home. Or, hell, go out on the town decked out in a really good looking dress. As long as you aren't wearing around your work (for the sake of professionalism) then you'll be perfectly fine. Think of this as another form of diaper wearing. Just keep it to yourself and your close friends and family and you'll be perfectly fine.

    I know it's confusing and I can't tell you to just "stop being confused", but I think you shouldn't stress about it. Be happy you've found a new way to de-stress yourself out and it doesn't involve drugs or alcohol!

  4. #4
    Loopygone

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by BigKid25 View Post
    You can be a cross-dresser and not gay. I've never personally met someone who falls under that category, but I don't see why you wouldn't be able to. You can still live a perfectly normal life if you keep your girly side in the privacy of your home. Or, hell, go out on the town decked out in a really good looking dress. As long as you aren't wearing around your work (for the sake of professionalism) then you'll be perfectly fine. Think of this as another form of diaper wearing. Just keep it to yourself and your close friends and family and you'll be perfectly fine.

    I know it's confusing and I can't tell you to just "stop being confused", but I think you shouldn't stress about it. Be happy you've found a new way to de-stress yourself out and it doesn't involve drugs or alcohol!
    Actually, the vast majority of CD's are straight males :P. Besides, I believe Ozone is gay, well his bf would be pissed if he wasn't :P. But I agree, keep it some what private, just like diapers and it will be cool .

  5. #5

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    Well after long talks with close friends, my bf and also talking about it with my sister, whom I'm really close to (she was the first person i told I was gay, first family who knew i was a fur and an ab and now this too)
    I'm happy looking at myself and saying that, while I dont want any changes to my anatomy. I always have and always will feel more like a girl inside than a man, not in a sissy sense, an actual girl sense, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm TG, and have all the support on it right now that I need. ^_^

  6. #6

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    To me crossdressing isn't something I find a big deal and to a degree I'd say that even if you are having these feelings don't worry about it. It's not something I do all out but if the situation presented itself I wouldn't say no ether. To go with what Loopy said I'm stright as well. Will mostly at lest lol

    I think really maybe part of it's the performer side but sometimes it's a nice feeling to be someone else. I quite like glam rock and new romantic music wise and sometimes they would crossdress or sort of flirt with half and half and if I could or was in a fitting enough group, I know I'd do it more myself. Like mentioned there are some things that you don't like such as LG but there is nothing wrong with that. Just take it easy and it'll be easier to find out what you are happy with or not.

  7. #7

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    Well, first of all, congrats on doing some self-searching. And second, congratulations on accepting yourself with it. I'm glad you have such supportive friends with you as well.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ozone View Post
    Well after long talks with close friends, my bf and also talking about it with my sister, whom I'm really close to (she was the first person i told I was gay, first family who knew i was a fur and an ab and now this too)
    I'm happy looking at myself and saying that, while I dont want any changes to my anatomy. I always have and always will feel more like a girl inside than a man, not in a sissy sense, an actual girl sense, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm TG, and have all the support on it right now that I need. ^_^
    That sounds quite a lot like a close friend of mine IRL. I'm glad to hear that your sister was cool and is supportive, and I hope you find the balance that works for you. Personally, I think society focuses way too much on gender and gender roles, so I'm always glad to see someone that's true to themselves.

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