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Thread: Help Wanted: Assurance of Some-sort

  1. #1

    Default Help Wanted: Assurance of Some-sort

    I like to read, and so I do, a lot. And I have noticed a trend in ABDL fiction, alot of sex/sexual behavior and bondage/BDSM play to an incredible degree. I like sex, I like BDS (not really into S&M...at all, really), and I really like the idea of taking care of an *B. However, I could not let those things touch, at all, really. Thus, I have concluded that I am a sugar and sparkles, would-be-ruining-future-adults-if-with-physical-toddlers-via-over-cattering caretaker/mommy. I would really need to keep *B play and any sexual what not as far away from each other as possible.

    To sum it up, as far as I desire it to be, the baby is the baby unless (s)he is not being the baby.

    So, here's my question: Is it possible for future relations with a *BDL to have a deviding line between other fetishes/overt sexual overtones? Or am I hoping for the irrational?

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by glassrose View Post
    I like to read, and so I do, a lot. And I have noticed a trend in ABDL fiction, alot of sex/sexual behavior and bondage/BDSM play to an incredible degree. I like sex, I like BDS (not really into S&M...at all, really), and I really like the idea of taking care of an *B. However, I could not let those things touch, at all, really. Thus, I have concluded that I am a sugar and sparkles, would-be-ruining-future-adults-if-with-physical-toddlers-via-over-cattering caretaker/mommy. I would really need to keep *B play and any sexual what not as far away from each other as possible.

    To sum it up, as far as I desire it to be, the baby is the baby unless (s)he is not being the baby.

    So, here's my question: Is it possible for future relations with a *BDL to have a deviding line between other fetishes/overt sexual overtones? Or am I hoping for the irrational?
    AB roleplay does not have to be sexual. For some, it's purely a comfort thing. There's probably some sexual element to it for most ABs, but not necessarily overt, and by no means necessarily involving actual sex. Infantilism does overlap with bondage and domination, since all infants are, by defintion, under parental restraint, and sometimes, physical restraint (car seats, highchairs, reins, etc), but that element does not have to be emphasised, or indeed, practised at all. Speaking personally, I find the innocent physical intimacy of infancy - holding, cuddling, cradling, etc - a turn-on, but that's about it. AB roleplay can be as innocent as the caretaker and the baby want to make it, so I'd say that it's entirely up to the inclinations of the AB you're in a relationship with.

  3. #3

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    I am AB but there is no sexual part for me. I also enjoy spankings but that is usually non sexual for me as well. I see my AB'ness as something I do for comfort and for security. I think if I were into sex... (long story)... that this could come into play but it doesn't have to. And I do not agree with AB being linked to bondage. To have a Mommy/Daddy take care of you is simply that... it is normal to get in trouble with a Mommy/Daddy but BDSM does not have to be a part of it at all.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by maddie212 View Post
    To have a Mommy/Daddy take care of you is simply that... it is normal to get in trouble with a Mommy/Daddy but BDSM does not have to be a part of it at all.
    I completely agree with you on this. Theres a huge difference between a punishment and sadism. I feel like theres a point at which it stops being AB and becomes some form of AB abuse/diaper-baby bondage. I understand that age play is in and of itself a power exchange, and in some ways a form of bondage, but I feel like there should be a point at which the distinction between AB and daiper slave is made, because they are two VERY different things.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by glassrose View Post
    I like to read, and so I do, a lot. And I have noticed a trend in ABDL fiction, alot of sex/sexual behavior and bondage/BDSM play to an incredible degree.
    Well, there does seem to a great deal of diaper humiliation/forced regression fiction out there, but that's the kind that draws attention to itself, because it attracts the interests of both the AB/DL and BDSM communities. The more "innocent" AB/DL stuff is simply less visible, because there are fewer people to consume it.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by glassrose View Post
    I like to read, and so I do, a lot. And I have noticed a trend in ABDL fiction, alot of sex/sexual behavior and bondage/BDSM play to an incredible degree. I like sex, I like BDS (not really into S&M...at all, really), and I really like the idea of taking care of an *B. However, I could not let those things touch, at all, really. Thus, I have concluded that I am a sugar and sparkles, would-be-ruining-future-adults-if-with-physical-toddlers-via-over-cattering caretaker/mommy. I would really need to keep *B play and any sexual what not as far away from each other as possible.

    To sum it up, as far as I desire it to be, the baby is the baby unless (s)he is not being the baby.

    So, here's my question: Is it possible for future relations with a *BDL to have a deviding line between other fetishes/overt sexual overtones? Or am I hoping for the irrational?
    There's a lot of that material out there because there's a large audience to consume it. For a majority, wearing diapers is a sexual thing, and truthfully, bondage and being an AB have a huge amount of overlap. A crib is a bed meant to contain you and restrict your movement. A high chair is meant to contain you and restrict your movement. For some, being an AB is basically a variant of being a sub or a slave, where it's about the loss of control and freedom, and in some cases, since an AB is an adult, adding more adult components fits in as those do help accomplish that loss of control.

    That said, absolutely it's possible to find someone that makes the distinction between bondage space and baby space. Personally, I love bondage. I love my baby space. I especially love diapers and bondage, but ONLY in an adult headspace. If I'm in a baby headspace, I want nothing to do with adult stuff at that point, meaning no adult bondage and no sex, and the diaper is appropriate, as little boys naturally wear and use a diaper because they're little. When I'm in a bondage headspace, the diaper is erotic and adult, that I have to use that diaper because the alternatives have been taken away from me.

    What does that mean for you? One, yes it's possible to find someone that can keep AB play and bondage play separate. Two, you both have to know what you and each other want, and you have to make clear that those play spaces should remain separate, as the intrusion of one into the other will ruin it for you. Ultimately, it's all about you and your headspace and what various things mean to you in various headspaces.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by maddie212 View Post
    And I do not agree with AB being linked to bondage. To have a Mommy/Daddy take care of you is simply that... it is normal to get in trouble with a Mommy/Daddy but BDSM does not have to be a part of it at all.
    I have to say that, in my case, being an AB is most definitively linked to BDSM.
    I'll start off by saying that I am, personally, in no way, shape or form masochistic (I have a rather low pain threshold ^^'). I'm also really not into the "leather" brand of BDSM at all. That being said, I definitively associate role playing as a baby/toddler with being a sub in the BDSM sense: by being a baby you surrender a lot of control to your caretaker (including not being able to use the bathroom ^^), there is some bondage involved (crib, highchair), there may be punishment for misbehaviour (spanking, corner time), etc.
    The thing is that being into BDSM is about as broad as being a furry, so exactly what it means changes from person to person. For me, being a sub is just as much an emotional comfort as is it a sexual thing: it's not just the punishment and bondage aspect of it, it's also (and perhaps mostly) about being able to feel safe and cared for.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by xbabyx View Post
    There's a lot of that material out there because there's a large audience to consume it. For a majority, wearing diapers is a sexual thing, and truthfully, bondage and being an AB have a huge amount of overlap. A crib is a bed meant to contain you and restrict your movement. A high chair is meant to contain you and restrict your movement. For some, being an AB is basically a variant of being a sub or a slave, where it's about the loss of control and freedom, and in some cases, since an AB is an adult, adding more adult components fits in as those do help accomplish that loss of control.
    Ultimately, it's all about you and your headspace and what various things mean to you in various headspaces.
    This I understand, and agree with parts of. Headspace is hugely important, and, I agree, the ultimate deciding factor in relations. However, I do feel that there is a distinction between bondage and restriction. To explain this, I am going to use an allegory that may sound dehumanizing, for which I apologize, but it is how I think and what I have to compare such topics with:

    I keep my horses in paddocks and stalls when we are not working. I do not do this because I want to bind them to one place and control them, but because if they were not there, there would be havoc. They would be unsafe, and those around them would be unsafe. It gives them a space where they are free to be themselves, but it does not endanger them or others. When I enter this space with them, they must be respectful of me (really, if they weren't I would be squished, I am around a tenth of their size) and if they don't, they will be punished. Quickly, and effectively, so that they learn not to do it again. Paddock and stall for horses, in my mind, equals baby space. It's tender, loving, but with the potential to become a learning experience.

    Bondage is a cross tie, a bit, a lead rope, and a saddle, maybe even blinds if I'm driving. This is where I am firm, and definitely and unquestionably in charge. We are working, and that’s that. Maybe it's a relaxed work out, maybe I'm aiming to leave us both sweating. It does not matter, I am in charge, I will be listened to. That does not mean I do not praise, or give some allowance. With my baby(the horse) I take what I can get, because it is a learner area. With my adult(horse) I demand evidence, even if it means that he decides to give me to the ground. This space for work is what I see as bondage, where you're actively working for something, and actively making demands. For me, at least, BDSM scenes need to have a lesson attached.

    Sometimes, my horse's stall becomes a spot for bondage, yes. When I hit the ground more than twice during a ride, it's time for Naughty Pony, and he gets to stand in the corner of his stall tied to the wall. This could be where BDSM and AB overlap, because a Safe Space--the stall--becomes a Learning Space, a Thinking Space, much like a crib or playpen would. But after a time (usually ten minutes, or untill I no longer want to beat him into the dirt) it becomes a Safe Space again, and the lesson is over, and we're back to being tender and loving, and the working mindset must be dropped immediately. So, basically, it’s all D/s, but it’s D/s in two different connotation, with one being tight and one being loose, and with minimal overlap, only when necessary.

    Does this make any sense to you, or am I just being exedingly long winded and reiterating what's already been said?

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by glassrose View Post
    This I understand, and agree with parts of. Headspace is hugely important, and, I agree, the ultimate deciding factor in relations. However, I do feel that there is a distinction between bondage and restriction. To explain this, I am going to use an allegory that may sound dehumanizing, for which I apologize, but it is how I think and what I have to compare such topics with:

    I keep my horses in paddocks and stalls when we are not working. I do not do this because I want to bind them to one place and control them, but because if they were not there, there would be havoc. They would be unsafe, and those around them would be unsafe. It gives them a space where they are free to be themselves, but it does not endanger them or others. When I enter this space with them, they must be respectful of me (really, if they weren't I would be squished, I am around a tenth of their size) and if they don't, they will be punished. Quickly, and effectively, so that they learn not to do it again. Paddock and stall for horses, in my mind, equals baby space. It's tender, loving, but with the potential to become a learning experience.

    Bondage is a cross tie, a bit, a lead rope, and a saddle, maybe even blinds if I'm driving. This is where I am firm, and definitely and unquestionably in charge. We are working, and that’s that. Maybe it's a relaxed work out, maybe I'm aiming to leave us both sweating. It does not matter, I am in charge, I will be listened to. That does not mean I do not praise, or give some allowance. With my baby(the horse) I take what I can get, because it is a learner area. With my adult(horse) I demand evidence, even if it means that he decides to give me to the ground. This space for work is what I see as bondage, where you're actively working for something, and actively making demands. For me, at least, BDSM scenes need to have a lesson attached.

    Sometimes, my horse's stall becomes a spot for bondage, yes. When I hit the ground more than twice during a ride, it's time for Naughty Pony, and he gets to stand in the corner of his stall tied to the wall. This could be where BDSM and AB overlap, because a Safe Space--the stall--becomes a Learning Space, a Thinking Space, much like a crib or playpen would. But after a time (usually ten minutes, or untill I no longer want to beat him into the dirt) it becomes a Safe Space again, and the lesson is over, and we're back to being tender and loving, and the working mindset must be dropped immediately. So, basically, it’s all D/s, but it’s D/s in two different connotation, with one being tight and one being loose, and with minimal overlap, only when necessary.

    Does this make any sense to you, or am I just being exedingly long winded and reiterating what's already been said?
    The short version is that it's a question of how you're viewing the scenarios you've described, but ultimately, they're all still restricting and controlling. If I'm in a baby headspace, I'm not feeling the diaper as a restriction or form of control or a loss of freedom, even though I am still effectively restricted from using a big boy toilet (whether by my bubby telling me no or by my own mental state). In a baby headspace, I would not see a crib as a restriction or loss of freedom, but someone in an adult bondage headspace would.

    The restriction and control are present regardless, but it's entirely up to you how you view them and allow those headspaces to interact with each other.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by xbabyx View Post
    The restriction and control are present regardless, but it's entirely up to you how you view them and allow those headspaces to interact with each other.
    That makes a lot of senses. However, I feel a distinction between restriction/control, and bondage. It's the difference of being surrounded by a fence, or being tied to it. I am, though a dominant, a softy. I don't think I could tie, metaphorically or literally, someone who in my mind was in a role as dependent upon me as a baby to the fence, just surround them by the fence, as guidence and protection. However, someone who is being a Sub (an adult, sexual role in my mind) I would tie to that fence, and sit there and watch over, as protectoin and to teach. The Bondage(tied to the fence), in my mind, is harsh and only for an adult, while Restriction is guidence and good for all. I think, anyway. Can't know for sure until I've tried it, but the "eng, babies and bondage don't mix nicely" feeling in my stomach indicates that that's how I'll feel, still.

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