I am a college student who, for the 4th or 6th major time in his life, is experiencing the strong desire to wear diapers, and more generally to "regress".
The origin of this desire appears to lie in a more general feeling about the world--people go out of their way to make things rough, uncomfortable--and growing up seems like it has something to do with it.
Some of my earliest memories, occuring at the age of 2 or 3, probably while being potty trained, involve my efforts to wear cabbage patch kids diapers at my grandparents house. I still get a similar feeling now when i wear diapers, albeit somewhat more removed due to differences in setting, knowledge, and
kind of diaper.
I remember around the same time feeling very embarassed when my parents saw me wearing them. I can't remember what happened immediately before this brief memory, but I remember using pillows to cover up the diaper. I knew my parents knew what was under them, but for some reason still felt embarassed enough to refuse to take the pillows down. Somehow it was communicated to my parents how I felt, and they assured me that it was ok and I didnt have to feel embarassed in front of them. I then discarded the pillows but still felt somewhat uneasy about wearing diapers around my parents.
Another diaper related memory comes from pre school, when I walked by someone my age who heard my jeans or pull-ups crinkle. She patted my bottom and asked in an inferiorizing tone if i was wearing diapers, to which i replied "no!", feeling slightly offended while wondering what it would have meant if I had been. I found it conveinant how training pants allwed me to offer the least embarassing answer to the question, without having to lie per se.
Though I have few specific diaper memories before the age of 8 (currently I have about the same amount of pursuit of diaper memories on both sides of that age), I remember the practice being generally discouraged, as I would sometimes take diapers from my grandma's that were intended for my cousin, with the excuse of putting them on my stuffed animals--this was when I was 5. I remember one time shortly after i was potty trained my mom even bought one of those pull ups sample packs when i begged for it. When I got home, I conspicuously ran behind my closet door to change underpants but as soon as they were on the ground my mom had discovered the pull up's actual purpose. No words, an immediate facial expression, not of anger, but frustration and confusion, as if to say "what have I told you? really? Again!?"
I believe my enjoyment of diapers was either caused, or in the very least, strongly influenced by my foreskin having been severed by doctors shortly after being born. (Has anyone else here considered foreskin restoration, and do you believe it's relavent to your ABDLities?) I've also always found clothes
unnecessary and excessive if not outright offending, and recall several awkward moments at home when I was 3-6 when neighbors would show up while I was in my underwear--I was in the midst of that era when one is first taught to be embarrased by nakedness, and I never understood it. My parents didn't mind me being only in my underwear at home although soon enough I became particularly embarased when not fully clothed around them. Clothes are restricting, very few are comfortable, and those that are comfortable are often looked down upon; not "stylish". Any clothing from a store is tailored to a demographic that makes me feel inauthentic. They rarely serve the function of keeping one's body at a comfortable temperature, but the message they communicate most loudly is one of status. Only diapers depend on such a high degree of consideration for the wearer's needs and comfort, and the original function of diapers conveys a message that, in certain ways, would undermine any symbol of status or control that may be worn along with it. Choosing to wear them simply for comfort extends this notion by exhibiting an appreciation for the gentle, compassionate, empathetic.
In any case, my desire for diapers has only just now been strong enough since I got my drivers license to act on the idea. I went with Good Nights, and I am amazed by how liberating it still feels to simply wear a diaper! Just like a security blanket; I'm being hugged at all times; not to mention the anatomical friendliness over boxers or briefs. I feel more like I'm "all there" now that diapers are no longer completely separated from my daily life, though i dont
feel a need to keep them with me at all times. This in turn had the effect of relieving the stress of keeping it a deep secret--although I don't wish to
tell anyone in particular, should someone find out, I am now confident enough to tell them the truth. This is very important to me because I believe that
DL's behavior is considered socially deviant for no valid reason, because it serves as just one facinating example of the multiplicity of human desire. We can learn many things by examining this phenomenon, in terms of the formation of human desires as well as the reasons why something so harmless can be considered so taboo.