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Thread: Going about telling your partner

  1. #1

    Default Going about telling your partner

    Soo I've been with my girl for about a year now and things are actually great. We have a great time together and we love alot of the same things. And sometimes she jokes around about peeing herself but I can never bring up the fact that I would like to see her in a diaper? I just can't bring myself to say I have a diaper fetish.

    Anyone have or has overcome this dilemma? I need help! :S

  2. #2


    with several of this thread in the last few weeks I'm thinking a sticky may be worth considering.

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by brye92 View Post
    Soo I've been with my girl for about a year now and things are actually great. We have a great time together and we love alot of the same things. And sometimes she jokes around about peeing herself but I can never bring up the fact that I would like to see her in a diaper? I just can't bring myself to say I have a diaper fetish.

    Anyone have or has overcome this dilemma? I need help! :S
    Yes. I told my girlfriend shortly after we met.

    We were talking about fetishes and I found a seemingly random list of 10 "weird" fetishes on the internet somewhere (seemingly random because I intentionally looked for one that included a diaper fetish, or age play/regression, or something of that nature). I showed her this list and asked her what she thought. She didn't react negatively to any of them, so then I told her that I was "into" one of them and asked her to guess which one. She got it right on the second guess. =)

    I think it's a good idea to gauge how open minded somebody is before telling them. You should have a pretty good idea how open minded your girl is after a year.

    What I would advise against is telling her you would like to see her in a diaper. The first step here should be getting her to accept you for who you are, and if that goes well, you can go from there. Whatever you do, don't push her into doing something that she doesn't want to (wearing a diaper, changing you, et cetera).

    Good luck!

    Edit: If you need any more help, just ask!

  4. #4


    The impression I like to make around friends and people I meet is that I'm a childish depraved pervert. And thus, there is no surprise when I tell them that I like nappies.

  5. #5


    I told my girlfriend too. I started out by saying that I had a fetish and then judged how she felt about that. It is a lot easier to say you have a fetish then what the fetish actually is. If she is totally not into you having a fetish then you know not to go any further, but she will most likely be intrigued and ask what it is. I like Arlikra's suggestion too. I did that with one of my friends and it was a lot easier saying it when they can compare to other fetishes, especially considering some of the more extreme fetishes out there, she will probably be relieved you are into diapers and not some of the more wild ones.

  6. #6


    Having to tell my wife is what brought me to this site. After many years of being married, she discovered my on-line diaper order. I was in a state of panic and didn't know who to turn to. I had discovered Deeker sever years before the incident and found ADISC in the links section. I was impressed with what I could read and made an account. I asked the membership and they said I needed to tell my wife the truth. I should add that my wife had a health collapse as a diabetic and had to go on dialysis. Obviously I didn't want to stress her.

    Telling her turned out to be the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. More importantly, however, was the advise from the membership. If you are going to be in a serious relationship with someone and know that you can't give up the diapers, then you have to tell the person you love. This is something that they will have to know about you, and have to decide whether they can live with it and accept it as part of your personality. It's all about being honest. I wish you the best of luck and hope that she will be as accepting as my wife. If you feel like you can't divulge this kind of information, can you stop wearing diapers. That to me, is the only alternative. Sneaking around for years really sucks.

  7. #7


    I did it, a long time ago, early in the relationship with the woman who is now my wife

    I can't speak for anyone else, but there were several things which might help:

    - I didn't go in at it on the first date. Neither have you, and I think that is good. Your partner has spent some time with you, and has (if you communicate well) some idea of what you are like as a whole person.
    - I made space for it. It's not the sort of thing you bring up on the spur of the moment, or while you are doing the dishes.
    - I was quite careful she understood what I meant, and as I recall, in explaining I used a syntax built on statement, recap, acceptance. Thus: (Me) "You understand what sexual fetishes are?" (She) "Yes, I came across some of that when I was younger." (Me) "OK... Well, there are a number of people whose fetishes include...". Keeping it as a conversation, rather than a monologue, helped. The fact she has already joked about peeing herself is a gift, because it gives you a way of keeping her drawn in.
    - I offered her a way out: I said something like, "I understand if you feel this is strange, and if you want to walk away from the relationship because of this, I will not object". It's a gamble, but it puts the onus on the other partner to decide whether they are prepared to lose everything else you bring to the relationship for the sake of the fact you also have an unusual but harmless sexual practise. It also ensures that the alternative suggestion Dogboy mentions - "keep the relationship but ditch the nappies" - isn't offered: and I think that matters. It's simply not possible to give up a fetish, because of the nature of what a fetish is.
    - I think I added that I really valued the relationship we had, which again reinforces the message that this is something we can manage. And "manage" is the best way to describe the situation we have: we don't play much, but she recognises my need (as in other dimensions I recognise her needs) and she responds to it as best she can.

    I don't suggest necessarily trying to replicate this - but it might be useful in thinking your way through the issue. Good luck!



  8. #8


    I remember when I had this problem when I was thinking how to reveal my secret of diapers to my girlfriend....

    Here was what I did - We just have just a normal conversation going, then I asked to play a game to reveal some secrets about each other (in order to learn bit more about each other for fun). She revealed hers, then I revealed mine as I used to bedwetting until I was 14 and had to wear diapers on and off though that period. She seem not reacting negatively. Then, I told her that I still wear diapers on and off and got used of wearing it and become an enjoyable occasionally wearing of diapers. She was bit weirded out but not reacting negatively based on that she see where it was started (came from). Basically, I just told her a background story first and tell her where it came from before revealing my diaper lover side to soften things up.

  9. #9


    It took me awhile before telling my girlfriend.

    We really started opening up to eachother when we would drink (not recommending it, but it helps). But thats how the two of us really got to know eachother on more levels than any. The only problem is remembering them from then on, which I never had a problem with. But the first time I told her she was asking me about me deepest darkest fantasies, which I told her vaguely I was into diapers. She ended up not even remembering.

    But as time past our relationship was more than getting to know eachother over drinks, we had a good connection. Since she is a kinky girl herself, she would always ask me what I was "into", I really didnt feel like explaining the DL thing again since she didnt remmeber, so I would go into my other less than interesting stuff (ie, exoctic dancing, domination, etc.) But I again ended up coming clean, and she was just weirded out so Ileft it and changed the subject.

    She ended up remembering this time, because every now and then she will tease me about it. like when we are at the store, and she see's the adult diapers and asks me if I want to get a pack. I decided to keep it to myself for the most part, because I like to keep this fetish discreet (maybe something I could work on) But the important thing is she knows.

  10. #10


    It's been a couple years since I shared this with my wife. Her are my thoughts.

    I think both timing and context are important but tricky. I think it can help to let your partner know that you would like to set aside some time to share something that is difficult to talk about. That helps your partner by avoiding any sense of being blind sided and it help them prepare emotionally for the conversation. That helps the AB since it you will be very nervous and it starts the ball rolling and makes it more difficult to back out at the last minute. You can also ask your partner when they might like to discuss this thing you want to share, which gives them a sense of control. Once again, I think that is likely to help them process what you are about to share with them.

    If you do set up a time, be sure to let them know that you haven't done anything wrong, nothing bad has happened to you, and that this isn't something about your relationship. It's something personal that is important to you and you don't share this with many people. That may help prevent any fear for you partner.

    When it comes to time to talk about it, I would suggest being simple, clear and direct and then allow your partner to ask you questions. If you find it helpful to write something out or print something up from the internet, that can be good, but be careful with how you frame this. If it isn't primarily a fetish for you then be sure not to introduce it in that way.

    In my case I was seeing a therapist for anxiety issues and at one point I shared with her my desire to wear a diaper and feel like a young child again. After talking about it she asked me to consider trying it out to see how it made me feel and to see if it made me feel better about some events in my childhood. I was able to use that as a pretext for talking with my wife and I think the fact my therapist recommended it helped her see it as OK.

    My wife has been amazing when it comes to accepting my diaper needs. Opening a clear channel of communication has helped us set up boundaries that help her feel more comfortable and we've been able to share some wonderful moments together.

    Sharing this interest with a partner can be incredibly difficult. If or when you do it, be sure to give yourself a lot of credit. It takes a lot of courage.

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