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Thread: hi im new

  1. #1

    Default hi im new

    hi. my boyfriend just told me about his secret and has given me some web sites to look up. i would really like to get a better understanding. I love my bear and it was so sad when he told me. and im the only person in his real world who knows. its a heavy secret to have when you dont really know what it is. and im new to computers too. and that dont help either ha ha

  2. #2


    Check the site's wiki? and perhaps peruse the site, if info is all you're looking for, or you could probably just ask some questions.

  3. #3


    Hey gerhardt, welcome to ADISC!

    I was in pretty much exactly the same situation as you're in now, about two and a half years ago. It sucks, doesn't it?

    Seriously though, the fact that you're here is a great thing, it means you're willing to get to understand this better!

    If you want then check out my 'reintroduction thread' which is linked in my signature (the pink writing below this post!) as "My coming out thread", which explains my journey from finding out about my (now-ex) boyfriends AB/DLism to where I am now.

    In the meantime, why not tell us a little bit about yourself as a person? Any interesting hobbies or interest you'd like to share?

  4. #4


    hi thank you so much snugglytime. im new to computers too. i only just figured out how to read this post. ha ha. im fairly laid back and i love sunny days (when i dont have to work] and i love funny slogans. the dirtier the better, oh and ive been studying the bible for the past 3yrs and i find the history fascinating.

    thats what im doing chewy. ha ha i dont know what im looking for yet. will have to wait till i find it i suppose. to be honest. because this isnt about me. and its such a personal thing for my bear. its hard to know what the next step should be. i have my own questons to answer now. eg how far do i want to be involved, i have 2 kids how will this effect my relationship blah blah. i just dont know. wheres yoda when you need him. hey
    Last edited by Trevor; 27-Jan-2011 at 05:53. Reason: merged posts

  5. #5


    Hello gerhardt! Welcome to the site! I can sort of understand where your comming from, from other past experiences in my life. I can also assure you its not easy for most to come to terms with their wants and needs as an *B/DL, let alone their partners. You will find this community supportive and friendly and I would be happy to talk to you in any capacity you want or need. I am in IRC alot (the chat option on the site) and you can always leave me a public message on my profile and ill get back to you!


  6. #6


    Welcome to the site . I am happy to see that you are being supportive so just remember that this site is a wealth of knowledge for people, especially those who are partners/familymembers/etc. of other members. Feel free to ask any question(s) you want, I'm sure the community here will do their best to answer them as truthfully as possible.

  7. #7


    Yes, friends, partners, lovers of dl's are all welcome here too; in fact this site may be more strongly justified for you than the rest of us. Why? There are so many other sites that cater to the general list of abdl wants and needs: fetish communities (in English and other languages,) porn sites, vendors , real life (often abbreviated "rl.") and so on.

    I know of no other site that offers support as we do; certainly not in English. (And definitely no other that welcomes under 18's.)

    I would be happy to help you understand better, if I can, and we have many people who are great at expressing hard to express ideas.

    It warms my heart to see how hard you are working to understand him... and to see in your profile

    He is worth it.
    Let me just say, for now, that while some abdl folk hate having this fixation and others enjoy it to the maximum, none of us asked for it; it is as much a part of who we are as our taste in music. It is unaffected by whether or not we are religious, atheist or agnostic.

    And very importantly, having this particular fixation, whether or not the associated pleasurable feelings are sexual, does NOT imply you must compete with an "other" turnon. This is a common worry of partners of fetishists, very common.

    All I can say for now is many of us compartmentalize: I can love Beatles and Beethoven without any conflict between them; one of them doesn't have to roll over. One can love one's kids equally but differently.

    It might help a bit to consider his fetishistic attraction this way: surely you find it normal if a guy likes to see a girl in leather, lace, heavy makeup, or something; for now let's just think of the fetish as an extension of this kind of thing?

    As to all the sites he points out... They will show scads of points of view; and it might be terribly confusing to assume all that information applies to him. It doesn't: We ab's, dl's, furries, and all the rest come in a huge variety... But he is himself. He is unique. All the sites you explore have people with something in common with him, but none that captures exactly him. He alone is equipped to say exactly what the role of diapers is in his mind.

    But whatever he does tell you, if we can clarify it, we will.

  8. #8


    thank you pandemonium. i will be in touch. im sure the more i understand the more questions i will have. its a fine line. it was very hard for him to tell me but he did. i respect him all the more for it actually. i dont know if i would have been strong enough. And now we have to deal with it. so far so good. But its only early days. I will be honest and say that because its early days it still seems surreal. im a little shocked still i suppose. what i do know is that he is still my bear. this only part of him. and if it takes this part to make the whole man than thats ok with me

  9. #9


    I'm so glad you joined this site. we are a group of people that need your support.
    Thank you for your support of your loved one. This is one of thing you can do for him is make
    his a more stable person. This person entrusted you with this part of him that he can't take away.

    At the very least learn about our side of the World. When you have question, ask them.

  10. #10


    thank you. i know there are only some things that bear can tell me. because even though its a shared trait. its still unique to him. he was really embarrassed when he told me. i dont want to add to his discomfort. so if i can get an honest answer off someone else than thats going to be a huge relief.

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